


Save Me, Save You

by twilipse



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-08-07 07:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 47,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16404263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilipse/pseuds/twilipse
Summary: Jungeun held onto the idea that her broken self was beyond saving like it was final. But then Haseul happened. And so did her desire to save the girl.





	1. O/NE

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted on AFF. This isn't properly beta-read. Sorry for any mistakes evident in the first chapter.

#  _"_[ _Up and down, I’m like see saw._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRXV4fQTTmo) _"_

 

 

The sound of engine revving accompanied by the smell of rubber hot against the asphalt beneath her for the last few seconds entered her senses rapidly. The combination only acted as a stimulant for her to give additional pressure into throttling the motorbike even more. More, she needed _more_. She could tell by heart that she was arriving at a rather sharp corner in less than a few seconds but she chose to delay from braking on time. As the corner started to become more and more clear to her, entering her field of vision in a pace nearly matching the speed of light, only then she released the throttle and pulled on the brake with full force.

 

 _Not today, not yet_.

 

She wobbled a bit as she struggled to stabilize both herself and the motorbike with the front almost colliding on the stack of tires, missing by a few inches. She was fully aware that she just dodged from sending herself flying off the motorbike and onto the rough side of the track. That would have been pitiful and painful.

 

 _But pain was already taking up a part of her, if not her whole,_ s _o what difference would have it made?_

 

A couple of turns and she finally decided to pull into the pit. Taking the helmet off her, she then shook her head forcefully in an attempt to free her ash grey locks. A grimace evident on her face, tooth meeting on the middle roughly.

 

"Some crunchy lap you got there!" A high-pitched and cheerful voice greeted her as she hopped off the motorbike. "But what the heck were you thinking back there, Kim Jungeun?" The tone turned soft but was now laced with pure worry.

 

Jungeun turned around to place her gears on the table, hands fumbled with the zip on her front. "Thanks." She smiled while obviously ignoring the question from the smaller girl who was now crossing her arms, right eyebrow arching.

 

The girl looked unamused at her response or rather, at the lack of it. "Seriously?" Her eyes travelled along as Jungeun moved to take a sit before chugging on a bottle of water.

 

Again, Jungeun flashed her a smile, looking nonchalant. "It was nothing, Chaewon. I just-I wasn't really thinking." She shrugged absentmindedly. She knew Chaewon was being genuinely concerned about her but Jungeun did not feel the need to explain anything and everything. She did not owe anyone explanations. That was how her life should worked, she decided on that, and only had the sole intent to keep it that way. Still, she kept the thought to herself. Jungeun did not have it in her to prolong the matter. "I gotta go now, need to check on the workshop."

 

Chaewon let out an audible deep sigh at Jungeun's laid-back answer. Chaewon was so used to Jungeun putting a casual front when really, her head was swarming with so many thoughts that no one would probably find out. Despite knowing her for years, Kim Jungeun remained as one of the biggest mysteries to her. If anything, Chaewon knew she would not be meeting with any sort of luck even if she rolled her dice boldly so she decided to drop the topic altogether. "Blergh, if you say so." Chaewon did not miss the chance to roll her eyes at Jungeun. "So, how's your 'workshop'?" She air-quoted before helping to gather the gears that Jungeun had left on the table. For some reason, her tone was dripping with sarcasm.

 

Jungeun paid no mind to that, that was just how Park Chaewon usually rolled. "It's fine? Nothing stellar though. We kinda run short-handed once in awhile which sounds great." Jungeun took her belongings as Chaewon passed them over to her, every each of them was placed into her backpack neatly. Jungeun valued her gears that _much_. She then grabbed her daily helmet from the rack on her right and slid it onto her head effortlessly.

 

The blonde squinted her eyes, a snort then escaped her. "Oh yeah? Sounds like you need more staffs to me." Chaewon rested her tiny figure against the table, arms folded across her chest. "Keep a close eye on your workshop for once, Jungeun. And maybe, _maybe_ ,I _emphasize_ maybe _,_ less riding around the track." Chaewon lightly shook her head at the older girl.

 

Jungeun lifted her bag from the floor, straps went onto each of her shoulder. "I have Jinsoul to do that for me. Stop making it sounds like I abandoned the whole workshop." Jungeun huffed before turning on her heels and headed for her motorbike. She thought she heard Chaewon whispering 'why does she even still bother with you' under her breath. But then Jungeun halted her steps rather dramatically, half glancing at her back. "Oh and yeah FYI, I _stress_ FYI, that is far better than spending the time  _fooling around_ , Park Crunchy Chaewon." Jungeun made a clicking sound. _Checkmate_. She then proceeded to hop onto her bike and sprint off in a matter of seconds.

 

Chaewon's face instantly turned into a shade of pink hue, her eyes blinking at a rather rapid pace. "Did she just take a personal jab on me?" She half-whispered to herself, looking like she was stunned by some sort of spell. And by the time she finally found her voice again, it was too late since Jungeun already vanished into thin air. "Kim! Jungeun!" Chaewon stomped on her feet loudly only to have the noise reached no one else but herself.

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

 

#  _"_[ _My tears are on the tips of my toes, at the edge of the darkness._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkY8HvgvBJ8) _"_

 

 

Jungeun let out a deep sigh as she killed the engine to her bike. She looked around and noticed one of their newest interns, a name that she did not even bother to recall, was gathering some stuffs at the entrance of the workshop. The boy noticed her presence before bowing almost ninety degrees full while flashing her an overly bright smile.

 

"Good afternoon, Miss Kim!" He greeted her with much enthusiasm. It startled Jungeun for a bit that she unconciously raised her eyebrows, but it went unnoticed by the boy. Jungeun acknowledged him with a slight nod before marching into the building, passing by the intern. "Have a nice day, Miss Kim!" He made another sound, shouting almost that Jungeun could practically felt her heart jumping at that.

 

She briefly turned around to face the boy. "You too." _Although you seemed to be having one already_ , she wanted to add but she refrained herself at the very last second. Jungeun forced a crook smile, she was so sure it looked awkward but the boy stayed oblivious. He looked delighted that she actually replied him, a reply that barely contained two words and six letters.

 

"Oh, look who is here." Another cheerful voice entered her field of hearing. _Did she miss the memo about the overly cheerful day or something? Perhaps someone could show her the way to sign out out of it?_

 

Jungeun just rolled her eyes before making her way towards the girl. "Where did you find that guy?" Jungeun gestured at the intern.

 

Jinsoul looked at the direction that Jungeun was pointing, lips pursing. "Chanwoo? Uh, he passed the walk-in interview. And his papers say that he aced his course. So, poof." Jinsoul elaborated, a triumphant smile decorated her face.

 

"He is too loud." Jungeun stated in a monotone voice, her brown eyes lazily scanning around the workshop. Most of the foremans were busy attending to the motorbikes sent in by the customers. Jungeun briefly put her brain to work to put a name on each of the face her eyes fell onto. She glanced at the clock hanging on a wall, the lunch break for most of them ended almost ten minutes ago and this period was usually considered as their peak hour. So the chaotic environment was not unwarranted.

 

Jinsoul's forehead creased at the statement. "So? You know, we can use more people with _bright energy_ around here right?" Jinsoul made a mocking face but Jungeun dismissed it with yet another major roll of her eyes.

 

"Whatever." Jungeun tossed her hair from continuously offending her sight. "By the way, I don't  think I see Kyungsoo. Where is he?" Jungeun's voice suddenly turned cold and Jinsoul was quick to sense the need to answer this carefully. It was almost a must for Jungeun to do a headcount everytime just to single out this one 'problematic', as Jungeun would call it, worker of hers.

 

The taller girl busying herself scanning through the folder that was in her hand, subtly clearing her throat. "He is on an emergency leave." Jinsoul racked her brain to shift the conversation to something else and she ended up asking the question that had been bubbling in her chest. "Where were you the past few days? I was worried that something bad might have happened to you." It was nothing less than an honest question from Jinsoul. She was dead worried.

 

For a second, Jungeun looked like she was caught off guard but she immediately regained her stoic demeanour. "Can we talk about that in my office later?" She dodged it as per habit before starting to make her way towards the staircase located at the end of the lobby. "Oh, and tell that Kyungsoo guy that if he really want to keep this job then he better show up. I can count with one hand how many times I see him around whenever I'm here. And I'm not here that often." She managed to add as she let her feet to fall into steps.

 

Jinsoul just stared at Jungeun's retreating figure. "But he has a valid reason." She retorted to no one. She drew a sharp breath and cleared her head from any sort of annoyance that had begun to form. Jinsoul was aware that _this_ Jungeun required a lot of patience to deal with. She took her time to calm herself down before she found herself standing idly in front of Jungeun's door in no less than five minutes. Sometimes Jinsoul doubted if any of this was worth it but she hastily shook the thought away. No negativity was allowed. Not now, not ever. A few knocks on the door painted with dark crimson red (it screamed 'I'm angry' if Jinsoul were to be honest) and she pushed it open after receiving a muffled cue from Jungeun.

 

Jungeun was going through a couple of documents, just a fragment from the pile stacked on her table. She was gone long enough to have her flat table turned into towers. "So, how is it going?" Jungeun began, referring to the well-being of her workshop. Deep down she knew she could trust Jinsoul to keep this place intact, so the question was not really needed but Jungeun wanted Jinsoul to know that she cared about it all the same.

 

Jinsoul instantly made herself comfortable in front of Jungeun, almost no requirement for her to wait for Jungeun to formally invite her to do so. Their relationship was beyond that. Jinsoul took one hard look at Jungeun, the latter was so focused on the papers splayed on her desk, contemplating on skipping the question and just jump right onto her abandoned query. Where had Jungeun been the entire week? She decided against it, keeping her professionalism for now. "As you can see, everything is going smooth. No major hiccups." Jinsoul licked her lips, they felt dry. "Just, maybe a few proposals that are still pending and require your approval ASAP."

 

Jungeun hummed with her head nodding along. "I will look into them by today." She then made a rough movement to mark her signature on the paper that she just finished with. Putting it aside, her eyes then flicked to Jinsoul. They looked soulless, empty almost. But she was quick to shift her gaze as fast as it came.

 

Jinsoul spotted the heavy eyebags that were evident on Jungeun's face. Those were not her natural features. Jungeun was carrying so much more than what she let on. Jinsoul wanted so much to squeeze everything out of Jungeun but Jungeun was as stubborn as she was since D-1. Kim Jungeun, the director, be damned. Jungeun was her best friend first and foremost. "So, are you going to answer me or not?" Jinsoul tried to sound a bit more demanding but she was not convinced by her own voice.

 

Jungeun was still busy signing away, as if letting the time to trickle down and waiting for Jinsoul to give up again. Jungeun was so used to this scenario, where Jinsoul would bombarded her with questions about her whereabouts and what not. There was only like one out of ten of odds for her to answer Jinsoul truthfully. Most of the times, the outcomes only frustrated Jinsoul that she merely walked away. And so did Jungeun, keeping her tendency to go missing in action again.

 

"Kim Jungeun." A hand slammed onto the white paper full of words that Jungeun probably would never bother to go through properly, not too loud but loud enough to make Jungeun abruptly stop paying fake attention to the documents. "Please." Jinsoul's eyebrows would have looked funny and cute even, with the way they dipped at both corners, if only the matter at hands was not that serious to both of them.

 

Jungeun heaved a long and deep sigh. Her eyes boring into Jinsoul's and yet Jinsoul could not go pass through them. "You know where." When Jinsoul did not budge, Jungeun slowly brought her eyelids to rest, teeth gritting. "What else?" Her voice suddenly hoarse.

 

Jinsoul finally made a move to retreat her hand from the paper but it did not go far as she gently touched the back of Jungeun's hand. "Why do you keep on doing this to yourself? You know I will always be here if you want to ta-"

 

"No, I don't want to talk." Jungeun pulled herself away from the table. She then stood before the glass window behind her dark blue rolling chair before shutting the blinds off. _Shutting the entrance before Jinsoul even had the chance to invade her brain, her soul_. Her right hand went up to cup half of her face, the last thing she wanted to do was to snap at Jung Jinsoul. "I will get these documents done by today. You can go back to work." Her voice void of emotions and it sent chills down Jinsoul's spine.

 

There was a moment full of deafening silence, so deafening that Jungeun could not hear her own heartbeat in her ears. "I may have to consider talking to Chaewon later, get you blacklisted or something." And then a few rustling noises and a click on her door finally filled the empty space. That was all that Jungeun needed to know that she was now left alone in her room. The idea to get herself this vast room was so dumb to begin with. It only amplified her helplessness and lone struggle with her dark side. Major reason why she hated being here.

 

Another deep sigh escaped her lips. Jinsoul, someone that had been showing her nothing but constant care and love. Yet, Jungeun still managed to treat her like crap at every given chance. What purpose that was left for her on this mother earth other than hurting others? Those that she loved?

 

Jungeun let her back sank onto the chair before regaining her composure. She really needed to get these papers gone from her office by today. Cracking her knuckles, she got back to work. More and more blinding white papers were presented to her face.

 

Jungeun was so absorbed in reading through the details that she almost lost track of time. When she finally decided to take a glance at the clock on her cellphone screen, a crack was visible on the upper half of it, it was already fifteen minutes past six, meaning that the service department should have been wrapped up by now. She briefly gave it a thought, eyes falling onto one last pile at the left corner of her desk. Pulling an all nighter probably won't be that bad.

 

But a knock on her door broke her temporary trance. A blonde then peeked her head into Jungeun's office. "I'm hungry." She pouted. "Come to dinner with me?" A small smile adorned her face.

 

It took Jungeun awhile to respond, letting the warm smile directed at her to influence her decision. She thought she did not deserve that at all. "Let me clean this up first." She answered briefly before starting to reorganize her table.

 

"Okay, I will be downstairs."

 

Jinsoul did not lie when she said she would always be there.

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"_[ _You and I are locked in memories, erasing each other._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9T01xRNnr0) _"_

 

 

_She could feel the pain seeping through her skull, it moved like how electricity would but with so much more intensity. A groan escaped her lips as she struggled to open her eyes, some kind of thick liquid that was spilled all over them made it hard for her to do so. It smelled a lot like iron. Was it blood? When she finally peeled her left eye open, a spinning world was presented to her. Her ears were ringing so loud. She raised a hand to cup her ear. Was it her left ear? Or was it her right ear? She could not tell anymore. She felt a surge of intense pain down on her abdomen and let out another awful groan. She cast a glance and saw her green hoodie was now drenched with blood, a shard of glass pierced through both of her clothing and skin. The stinging pain on her stomach was almost unbearable to her._

 

_Her body felt so weak, like every ounce of energy had already been sucked out of her. She reached for the door despite not looking, something she could tell by heart, before forcing it open. The loud creak produced from that action was very cringe-inducing. She escaped the car, her figure fell flat on the surface beneath her. The temperature around her was very hot and she was perspiring real bad. She tried to produce some sort of sound but her throat was burning. One, two and another series of failed attempts. But she did not give up easily. She pushed herself harder. "Mom? Dad?" Her voice was so raspy, as if someone just ripped her throat out and slid it against the rough pavement she was laying on. No one replied to her so she gave it another go. "Mom...? D- dad...?" She coughed._

 

_Coming to a conclusion that staying there probably would never give her any sort of answer, she finally mustered all of the strength that was left within her to get on her feet. She dragged her limp body to the front of the car, hand pressing against her injured torso. It was totally wrecked, the car looked almost unknown to her. Using the hood as a support, she made her way to the passenger seat. The sight before her was too much for her to handle. She saw two bodies trapped, one on the front seat, the other on the back, by the totally smashed right side of the car. Her hands hastily made their way to the doors handles, trying to pull them open. But none of the doors budge despite her full effort. Tears began to well up on her eyes. "Mom! Dad!" She hit both of her fists on the windows, all the while hoping for her parents to respond to her._

 

_Her efforts were futile and her face was now full of iron liquid mixed with sodium. The smell of gasoline began to poke her sense and it made her head spun rapidly. A spark at the corner of her eyes caught her attention and she realized that the car had caught fire. No, she did not want to give up like this. She then found herself back at her previous attempt of opening the doors. Despite the newfound urgency, the result remained the same. She was fully aware that the car was going to blow up anytime soon. "Mom... dad... I'm sorry..." She was now on all fours, sobbing as she begged for an apology._

 

_A loud and deafening explosion then followed, blinding her eyes. All she saw was white. "No!"_

 

"No!" She jerked as her eyes shot opened. Her breath labored as she tried to make sense of her surrounding. Jungeun reached for her bed lamp, flipping the switch to turn it on. It was still too dark for her. Her whole body was shaking as she covered her face with both of her palms, rubbing them against her soft skin roughly. Jungeun then formed two small fists before hitting her temples, as if trying to knock the thought away. Warm tears streaming down her cheeks, tainting the blanket that was engulfing her in the process.

 

It took Jungeun awhile to fully grasp on reality. She grabbed her cellphone off the nightstand, intending to check on the current time. Her eyes were temporarily blinded by the bright light on the screen.  _03:18_. Great, she was forced to wake up at another ungodly hour. Jungeun then peeled the blanket off her before making her way to the bathroom. She let the tap water to run, eyes staring at the transparent liquid flowing into the sink. At first it was just some blurred fragments from what she wished to forget but lately it had begun to become more and more vivid to her. It was suffocating and she could feel it eating her from inside out. _She did not have it in her to keep this going any longer._

 

Jungeun finally trapped the water using both of her palms before splashing the cold water onto her pale face. One time, two times. She sighed heavily. She was familiar with this situation, she would not be getting any wink of sleep even if she tried. So, she went back into her bedroom to grab her cellphone before making her way downstairs to the living room. She turned on her hi-fi stereo, her favorite playlist full of piano instrumentals instantly filled the space. It did little to soothe her but for Jungeun that was better than nothing at all. Jungeun went on to get herself some caffeine boost, preferring the idea of brewing it over the instants. It was unhealthy, she was well aware of that fact, especially considering how often she consumed them during ungodly hours. But what was the point of keeping her health in check again? She waited a bit, face still grim with her lips forming a thin line. Fingers came touching her tired eyes, rubbing to ease them.

 

Jungeun was exhausted, so very worn out by this dreading cycle of her life. It was almost like she was just living through it, waiting for her time to dwindle down into a full stop. Kim Jungeun was nothing more than a mere empty shell waiting to rot out, that was how she liked to put it. A 'ding' sound snapped her out of her trance. She grabbed her mug and settled on the couch in her living room. The first sip made her grimace from the bitterness engulfing her sense. Unlocking her cellphone, Jungeun noticed a couple of notifications sitting on her drop down bar. She dismissed them one by one before a particular ribbon from a few hours ago caught her attention.

 

**_heekki1000 just posted a photo_.**

 

Jungeun recognized that username, probably the only account that had its notifications turned on for her. Jungeun could not tell for sure at first. The realization only hit her after receiving a couple of unknown notifications on her cellphone one day and a click then instantly brought her to the culprit's Instagram page. Could only be _her_ since she asked for Jungeun's cellphone after pestering her non-stop about not using her social media properly during one of their hangouts.  _'How come you haven't follow the cutest girl yet',_ to which Jungeun replied with a snicker. Jungeun was not bothered by it since it was the truth, she just did not have it in her to get herself more involved with social media. She dreaded _social_ so much. Even her own Instagram account was set up by Jinsoul, _'everybody have it so you should too'_ and made sure to post a selfie of herself first, not Jungeun the owner. Saying something along the line  _'gracing your page for its grand opening'_ with a huge grin plastered on her face. Back during the days where Jungeun still felt a lot more like herself but lately she was a lost maze, pushing everyone away as the result.

 

Jungeun tapped on the notification to get a better view of the post. She expected for some typical selfies to come up and prepared herself to get her breath caught in her throat again. But none of that happened and instead she was presented with a photo of a... guitar? For some reason the photo looked like it was framed long ago, the background appeared kind of familiar to Jungeun. It took her brain a few more minutes to figure out where and when the photo was taken. When it clicked for her, she felt an odd sensation washed over her.   _Oh_. The only caption accompanying the photo that said ' _need to get you fix :(_ ' gave a clue for Jungeun to understand what had happened to it.

 

She let out a deep breath, one that she did not realize she had been holding in. Jungeun closed her eyes, letting the soft instrumentals to enter her system again. It was hard to pretend that everything was okay for her when in reality it was the total opposite. Her memory fleeted back to the good old days, when she was just a free-spirited person, chasing her ambitions while living a life that most people could only dream to have, and almost had everything in her tiny little grasp. She lost them one after another, sending her world crashing and the next thing she knew, she was as good as nothing.

 

 _'You never gave me birthday gifts anymore.'_ That voice suddenly rang in her ears, the exaggerated sulky face appeared behind her eyelids. A small laugh escaped Jungeun's dry lips.

 

If her time was really coming to a stop, she better leave some good momentos behind.

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽

 

#  _"_[ _You have so many colors that are different from mine._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qJEoSa3Ie0) _"_

 

 

Jungeun glanced back and forth between her cellphone and the burgundy signboard that had Mobius Music written on it in some bolded serif font. This should be it. She had asked Jinsoul if she knew of any music store nearby and that made Jinsoul looked at her like she had just grown another head. Jungeun knew Jinsoul had a big fat 'why' ready at the tip of her tongue but the blonde just pulled her eyebrows downwards and her lips pursed in a tight thin line as if she was thinking real hard before looking away. Jinsoul was then needed somewhere else and instead of giving her a direct answer, Jinsoul just told her 'Jungeun dear, Google makes a good bestfriend for a reason'. So, Jungeun only had Google to thank for and definitely not Jinsoul. Jungeun was 110% sure.

 

The sound of a bell ringing that greeted her as soon as she stepped into the store startled her for a bit, making her lowly cussed to herself. Jungeun had not been into these sort of stores that much, so she felt very much foreigned. Actually scratch that, the only time she ever entered a music store was back during her college days with _her_. Jungeun then let her eyes to wander around to find anyone, just anybody that look like they were associated to this store. But she found no one, not behind the counter and not anywhere near her field of vision. So she made her way deeper into the store, passing by a sleek black piano that momentarily caught her eyes. The more instruments she passed by, the more in daze she got herself into. Jungeun was inspecting an instrument that resembled a mini guitar of some sort. What was it called again, uku something?

 

"Welcome! What can I help you with?" A breathless voice suddenly came booming beside her and it caught Jungeun completely off guard.

 

"Oh God!" She almost stumbled on her own feet. Her right hand raised upward to steady her imploding heartbeat. Jungeun could feel her eyes doubling their normal size, looking at the newcomer with so much shock on her face. Jungeun took notice of the stranger, a staff she assumed, brushing her hair back from blocking her face, trapping a few strands of her brunette locks behind her left ear in the process. The girl was panting real hard, as if she had just finished with a marathon around the town.

 

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Didn't mean to startle you like that." The girl proceeded to apologize, holding out her hand to help Jungeun find her balance. Jungeun unconciously retreated her own arm before scratching her anything else but itchy neck rather awkwardly. Jungeun wanted so much to stop herself from further studying her features but it was almost impossible the moment she saw brown pools in a pair of sharp monolid eyes. Her round glasses at the verge of slipping off her pointy nose but the girl was quick to push them back in place. "I was cleaning at the back..." Her voice was slowly trailing off while making gestures to point at somewhere behind her, Jungeun must had unintentionally put the girl in an awkward position from her lack of response.

 

Jungeun averted her gaze to the nametag that had 'Haseul' written on it. A beautiful name to match the owner, of course. It took Jungeun long enough to finally gather herself back together before mentally scolding herself for prolonging the tense air around them. "It's okay. I kinda have a weak heart, so it's just me." She offered carefully, thankfully her voice did not break. Jungeun straightened her back before half forcing her lips to curl upwards at both ends. She could feel the muscles around her face turned rigid.

 

But that seemed to do the trick when the girl, oh wait not _the girl,_ her name was _Haseul_ , broke into a wide smile. It was so wide that it was blinding and Jungeun had to whip her head away. "You need to take a good care of your heart then." She giggled a little afterwards. "So, what can I help you with?" Haseul repeated her question and albeit Jungeun being completely aware that it was part of her work ethics, she still found her voice to be so sincere and reassuring.

 

The sudden occasion threw Jungeun into a loop of confusion that she momentarily forgot about her initial goal coming here. "Uh... yeah... um, I'm looking for... acoustic guitar... for someone..." Jungeun bit on her inner lip, for some unknown reason her brain was not cooperating well with her mouth hence the jumble of words. She badly needed someone to convince her that her brain was being choked, like right now. Despite all that, Jungeun was still trying her best to keep her cool.

 

"Oh, I see. We have quite a wide selections of acoustic guitar. Here, this way." Haseul gently gestured Jungeun to another section of the store to which Jungeun complied, making sure that her distance from Haseul was at least five feet away. Jungeun used up whatever tiny little gap that she had to recompose herself. "Do you have any kind of guitar that you prefer in mind?" She jumped a bit when Haseul suddenly spoke again, she really needed to sort out this easily-to-get-startled problem as soon as possible. It was not doing her any good. Not for her, not for her heart.

 

Jungeun's hand settled on the back of her head this time, scratching on it lightly. "Um, I'm sorry but you see... I actually have like zero knowledge about this whole music thingy. So, I don't really know?" Jungeun made some timid gestures to get her point across. And after making a low noise of clearing her throat, Jungeun finally did the thing that she always avoid doing. "I will appreciate it if you can help me choose?" She managed to ask for assistance subtly, Jungeun was proud of herself. She was opposed of the idea coming to the store at first, mainly because Jungeun just could not deal with sales assistants like how a normal person would. Call it ridiculous but Jungeun thought her anxiety was amplified tenfold around the lots.

 

Instead of eyeing her weirdly or making Jungeun felt like she was being judged, Haseul just offered her a very warm smile. Jungeun could swear her eyes were twinkling even when they kind of disappeared every now and then. Jungeun wanted to keep on staring but she worried about it being inappropriate so she feigned looking through the array of guitars that was arranged neatly in front of her. "Of course! I'd be more than glad to do that actually." Haseul laughed softly. She basically had this warm feeling all over her. Be it from her facial expressions, her voice tone or even her body language. "The most basic thing though, don't get me wrong, but it will make things a lot easier." Haseul suddenly had a serious look on her face and Jungeun could feel her anxiety came creeping up her neck. "What's your budget?" Haseul slightly came near her, whispering with a hand half enclosing her mouth as if to prevent somebody from eavesdropping.

 

Haseul's giggling sound reached Jungeun's ears once again (Jungeun wished Haseul would stop doing that, it was not doing any good to her). Jungeun blinked once, twice and a couple of times more before finally registering the question on her brain. Jungeun then broke into a lighthearted laugh, she could not believe she was almost caught off guard by that. Wow, a sales assistant that actually did not make Jungeun feel like a ridiculous nervous ball. This was a first and it was safe to say that Jungeun was already looking forward to this inessential shopping spree of hers. "Actually I never really gave that a thought. I just... want one of the best quality." She directed a smile at Haseul first this time. "Oh, and one that will make a good gift." Her smile felt bitter after that but Jungeun just swallowed it down.

 

"Ah, you are a sentimental kind of person huh?" The brunette asked, a small smile still ghosting her lips. Haseul then turned around to inspect each of the guitar displayed, engrossed in trying to come up with some good suggestions. "Is it perhaps for your boyfriend... or someone like that?" She asked again, mindlessly this time. Haseul probably did not mean it but Jungeun was slightly bothered by that question.

 

Jungeun's face came to a scrunch, disliking the particular idea that Haseul got on her mind. "Uh... a girl friend actually." Jungeun answered a little too eagerly. When she saw that Haseul kind of flinched before her mouth forming an 'O' shape and face changing into something that Jungeun could not decipher, only then she realized that had came out rather imprecise. "I mean, a friend. A girl. So a ' _girl_ 'friend...?" Jungeun hastily corrected herself, hands air-quoting the specific word. She did not even know why she was so bothered on doing so. But, Jungeun swore she could see those twinkles in Haseul's brown pools fading for a moment there.

 

"I see." Haseul sent a bashful smile her way before going back to bounce on her feet and it left Jungeun dumbfounded. "Alright, how about this one?" Haseul stopped in front of a guitar with an extravagant looking wooden finish. It was not a bluff when Jungeun said that she did not have any sort of idea regarding this subject. "Personally, I prefer something that look like that one." Haseul pointed at another guitar down the row and Jungeun took notice of it. It appeared to be much more modest looking but still quite elegant. "But since it's supposed to be a gift... or is it too flashy?" Haseul enquired again, there was a hint of worry in her voice.

 

"No, it's beautiful actually." Jungeun waved her hand to dismiss Haseul's speculation. "Although she is actually more on the humble side. But it won't hurt to go flashy once in a while right?" Jungeun spoke her mind, eyes focused on the guitar as if imagining the said person playing some of her favorite tunes on it. "I'm just wondering if it's gonna suit her."

 

Haseul fidgeted a bit before breaking her train of thoughts. "Whoever this person is, she is very lucky." She remarked, fixing her locks again. When she realized that Jungeun was looking at her in a silent plead for some kind of elaboration, Haseul just laughed it off. "I mean, for someone to be this attentive to her..." There was a tinge of gloominess behind that statement and Jungeun wondered if it would be too much for her to probe further but only settled with a shake of her head while laughing.

 

"Hm, I wish I could play the guitar to test it out." Jungeun huffed, trying to lighten up the atmosphere that had suddenly gone a little weird for her. Jungeun briefly recalled the many times she attempted to learn the basics with guitar, but every each of them ended up being a total failure. Jungeun concluded that she was never born with the capabilities to handle guitars. "Sad huh?"

 

Haseul offered her a sympathetic look before shaking her head lightly. "Not at all. I think it is just how it is. Different people is gifted differently." She proceeded to smile to herself before looking up at Jungeun's direction. Jungeun could almost see a virtual light bulb appearing above her head. "Oh hey, I can help you test it out if you want?" She offered timidly. "Not that it will make any difference but at least it will provide you some idea." Haseul added after a while, shrugging in the process. But those twinkles on her eyes were unmistakable.

 

Jungeun caught her excitement in a matter of seconds. "Wait, you can play?" The question came out before Jungeun even had the time to contemplate on it. It should not be that big of a news, this girl basically worked in a music store so why would it be that weird for her to have some sort of musical background? But it did not stop Jungeun from letting the curiosity to take over her.

 

For the second time that day, Haseul smiled bashfully. "Sort of? Not that amazing though. Probably not even on your _girl_ friend's level." Haseul kind of muttered the last sentence that Jungeun had to perk her ears up to catch it. She subtly raised a brow but said nothing at that.

 

"Definitely miles better than me. I can't even get myself to hold onto the guitar properly." Jungeun tried to sigh in despair but the smile carved on her face betrayed her. "So... we can test it out now? I mean... you." Jungeun gestured at Haseul with trembling hands. If Haseul saw it, she definitely did not voice it out.

 

Haseul definitely did not have it in mind to try and be anywhere near impressive when her fingers finally plucked on the strings. It was a very short and simple play really, yet the way Haseul effortlessly let her digits glided in between lines and the strings in return produced a chain of beautiful sound, totally had Jungeun captivated. Jungeun's lips were slightly ajar and her eyes were full of nothing but pure awe. If Jungeun's world had been nothing but a mixture of muted colors all this while, now it was almost grayscale no more. Jungeun witnessed as a slow but steady surge of colors painting her vision, at a very soothing pace. She had always had this little unspoken appreciation for people who were musically gifted and Haseul was the latest addition to her short, limited list.

 

"How do you like it?" Haseul carefully placed the guitar back to its original holder. Jungeun pondered on the question for a moment.Haseul definitely meant the guitar right? Jungeun's head was spinning, she was sure that her heart was tricking her into believing something that was never there to begin with.

 

Her ash grey hair bobbed along when she nodded rather slowly, coming down from the enchanting talent that was Haseul. "I like it." Jungeun finally voiced out, letting her eyes rest on the guitar in question. It was not like Jungeun suddenly had the ability to tell if it was of good quality or not, but she trusted her gut feeling enough. "I like it very much." Shifting her eyes towards Haseul's direction with a sincere smile playing on her lips, she then repeated her answer, adding some emphasization just to make it more clear. And Jungeun certainly did not have any plan to reveal the main reason that affected her decision.

 

So just like that, Jungeun decided to go with Haseul's suggestion. Haseul proceeded to assist Jungeun with the guitar and made sure that it was gift-ready. She looked delighted that Jungeun actually agreed with her first and only recommendation. Despite not knowing who it could be at the receiving end, she wanted to be of as much help as she could for her customer. She was not being picky with whom she wanted to lend a hand to, the helpful trait just ran naturally in her blood. "You know I was once told that even if we weren't born with certain talent, we can always try to learn it." She spoke up while returning Jungeun's credit card to its owner, lips tugged upwards. "Here you go. I hope she likes it as much as you do."

 

Muttering a thank you, a snicker then left Jungeun's mouth. She then secured the guitar wrapped in its case on her left shoulder, pushing her hair back. Jungeun pondered about it to herself, fighting off the anxiety that had starting to build up in her. "You know I might come back to get myself a good guitar." She was taking a few steps back leaving the counter before suddenly pausing on her way. "And probably if I'm lucky enough... I can get myself a _good teacher_  too." Jungeun directed a teasing smile towards Haseul before strutting towards the front door.

 

If Jungeun had spared a glance back, she would have caught the dumbfounded look on Haseul's face followed by rose tinted cheeks afterwards. But Jungeun was too immersed in her own thoughts to even notice that someone else was coming from the opposite side and pushing the door open before her. "Oh, sorry." She jumped on her spot when a slightly taller figure almost bumped into her at the entrance. The stranger did not bother sparing her any look and just dismissed her with a wave of her hand.

 

"Jo Haseul." She heard the newcomer addressing someone that she assumed as Haseul based on the name itself. Jungeun hesitantly stepped away from the door, letting the glass to slowly separate her from the atmosphere inside of the store. "Long time no see, my dear." The person spoke again, her voice fading towards the end as the door finally sealed shut. Something about her tone was off to Jungeun's ears, she badly wanted to walk back and eavesdrop some more. But Jungeun did the total opposite and headed for her motorbike before putting her helmet on.

 

That was when she saw it through the giant window glass, the stranger was holding onto Haseul's wrist and stood a little too close to her. _Too close_ for Jungeun's own comfort. It would have looked like an intimate moment that she had breached into, if only the expression on Haseul's delicate face did not mirror something akin to pain. No more sweet smiles on her lips, no more twinkles in her eyes. Jungeun wanted to believe that she had misinterpreted Haseul's desperate attempt to free herself from the stranger's hold, but it was becoming more and more clear to her that Haseul did not appreciate the stranger to be in her presence. Different kind of thoughts were swimming at the back of her mind. She could easily ride away from the store and act like she had seen nothing. But how could she? _Could she?_ Against her better judgment, she hopped off her Repsol Honda before taking a few firm strides towards the entrance and pushing the glass door with so much force that all she could hear next was the loud ringing of a bell.

 

Jungeun forgot to take her helmet into account. "Um, sorry?" But Jungeun made sure that she could be heard by the two, her voice probably at the loudest volume in that moment despite it being choked by her helmet. The ringing of the bell laced by her sudden interruption was enough to shift the stranger's attention towards her. With her visor off, Jungeun could see the tallest of them all there slowly let Haseul's wrist free. There was an evident surprise painted on Haseul's face but the stranger just looked rather annoyed.

 

It took Haseul a couple of seconds before recognition finally colored her brown pools. The appearance of helmet on Jungeun this time probably had her confused at first. "Y- yes?" She took the chance to take a few steps away from the black haired girl, offering a smile towards Jungeun. It looked nothing like before, this time it only screamed 'business'.

 

Jungeun had her eyes trained on the girl that was now half shielded from her view by Haseul's tiny frame, slowly diverting them to Haseul's direction instead. She stole a second or two to study Haseul, trying to read her emotion. It was not on blatant display but Jungeun could sense fear from the way her orbs were struggling to meet hers. "I'm just wondering about your business hours? I forgot to ask earlier." Her voice was still muffled but she knew Haseul could hear her just fine.

 

"Oh! Uh, we open weekdays. 10 AM to 9 PM. Daily." Came the answer that Jungeun had expected, she saw it written on the glass window beforehand. But she could not think of a better excuse other than that.

 

Jungeun nodded, racking her brain to find just anything to extend her stay but she drew a blank. "Alright, I'm gonna keep that in mind. I guess... I will be seeing you again, Miss Haseul." The name rolled off her tongue for the first time. All this while it had been echoing loudly on the inside of her brain and to finally let it passed her lips was quite awkward but still weirdly familiar. She made sure to smile with her eyes, wanting Haseul to know that she meant what she said. And with a heavy heart, she exited the confine of the store once again.

 

She did not leave immediately. Sitting on her motorbike that had orange mixed with white and red on its body, she opted pretending to be busy with her cellphone instead. She hoped it was bold enough for the stranger to notice of her presence still. It paid off at the end when that person with dark locks left the music store, clearly uneasy with Jungeun hanging around the place. Stink eyes were directed at her but Jungeun did not let it to affect her in the slightest. After making sure that the peace inside the store was fully restored, Jungeun casted one last look at the lone figure behind the glass window before guiding her bike away from Mobius Music.

 

Jungeun was not entirely sure of what she had just done, but she hoped it was the right thing to do.


	2. T/WO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungeun held onto the idea that her broken self was beyond saving like it was final. But then Haseul happened. And so did her desire to save the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long wait. Encountered a block that didn't quite go away until recently :( Sorry if there's any error in this chapter, might have overlooked it since it's fairly long. Thanks to those who leave me comments, kudos and also subscriptions. They are very very very veryyyyy much appreciated! <3

#  _"[In your cold eyes, I can't see myself anymore.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9T01xRNnr0)"_

 

 

The sun was hidden somewhere behind the clouds of grey outside, it looked like the rain was going to pour down anytime from now. She hoped it would not be _that_ soon. If anything, getting rained on was the only cons of riding out in the open on a motorbike over any other form of vehicles. She stirred her iced coffee using the straw, eyes randomly fell on the many pedestrians passing by the huge sash windows of the cafe. Jungeun was never a big fan to the concept of waiting, it irked her most of the time. But she made today an exception. So there she was, occupying the secluded lone booth approximately since fifteen minutes ago.

 

She was a little unsure when she first received a text message from the person she was waiting for, urging for them to meet up. She knew exactly what this was about, the other girl would never settle with just an exchange behind the screen of their cellphones. And here Jungeun thought that it would end as soon as she sent the gift to the girl's address. This girl would never fail to make Jungeun realized just how bad she was with predictions.

 

Jungeun was so engrossed in staring at a pair of couple down the street, they were locked in an embrace, smiling sickeningly and looking into each other's eyes like others did not matter (something inside of Jungeun twitched), when a figure suddenly appeared near her table. Jungeun whipped her head towards the newcomer and an overly bright smile was flashed at her direction. To say Jungeun was taken aback would be an understatement but she managed to cover it up and put her facial muscles to work.

 

"Hi." The girl greeted her, Jungeun was unsure if her ears were playing tricks on her but she swore the girl did sound a little shy. "May I?" She gestured at the seat across Jungeun.

 

Jungeun instantly snapped back into reality and raised to her feet. "Hi- to you too." She absentmindedly bowed in the passing. "Yes, yes. Of course you may." She urged.

 

When they finally settled in the booth, they then simultaneously cleared their throats and the coincidence caught them off guard. The girl was the first one to chuckle at how ridiculous they were being and Jungeun could not help but to laugh along. That certainly relieved some of the tension that had been lingering around the air from the moment they locked their eyes earlier.

 

"I'm sorry, I tried to come as soon as I can. The practice was overran." She explained, obviously still trying to regain her breath.

 

Jungeun shook her head eagerly. "Were you running before? If you had told me we could just reschedule instead, it's okay really." Her panic somehow got the better of her. Jungeun's face turned into an apologetic one.

 

"No, no! Don't worry about that. I asked to meet first so... and plus, I really wanted to see you ASAP." She was quick to dismiss Jungeun's worry and reassured her.

 

Jungeun straightened her back and ran her fingers through her hair, realizing that that was quite silly of her. "If you say so..." An awkward smile adorned Jungeun's face. "Do you want to order something first? I'm sure you are thirsty." She asked but her hand was already gesturing for a waitress to come over.

 

The other just nodded since Jungeun did not really give her a chance to answer. Jungeun watched in silence as the girl placed her order animatedly, biting on her lips when she was stuck in making decision.

 

A year younger than her, Jeon Heejin was the kind of girl that would intimidate anyone on the first meeting from just how insanely beautiful she was. And Heejin was widely known back in school for that too, making her one of the most popular students that many chased after. Jungeun was among the bunch who got awestruck when she first saw the girl, thinking that it was impossible for someone to be _this_ immaculate. She always had an impression that Heejin was a snobbish that took so much pride in her reputation.

 

The day Chaewon personally introduced Heejin to her, with Heejin bearing that sweet humble smile and a string of shy awkward giggles, was the day Jungeun was proven wrong. Heejin was bright, passionate and so full of life. It did not take long for her to squeeze in between the space in Jungeun's then crowded life, beyond the senior-junior title. They had different takes on life yet shared similar passion. Heejin was a mirror of herself that completed half of her soul that she did not know she had been missing.

 

But when she had to let Heejin go, her entire soul left altogether with her. They did not end well and that left Jungeun empty and numb that she chose to look forward and only focused in achieving her ambition of becoming the best rider on track. That goal was nowhere near accomplished, but at least Heejin stayed on the right path in turning hers into reality.

 

Her sacrifice should not and would not go to waste, that was the bare minimum that Jungeun put her faith in.

 

"So..." Heejin's voice pulled Jungeun back to the ground. "How have you been doing?"

 

Heejin and her did not reconcile until last year and they started becoming good friends again. But Jungeun's personal struggle caused another fallout episode between both of them.

 

Jungeun looked around, she totally missed the waitress jotting down Heejin's order and leaving afterwards. "Uh... as you can see, I'm doing fine? Much... better." _Lies._ She shrugged, deciding it would be  better not to overshare. "You?"

 

Heejin's eyes met Jungeun's briefly before she started fiddling with her fingers and let her gaze to rest there. "The same old? It's been years and it's getting more competitive now. So, I'm working harder these days." She smiled, more towards herself. Heejin fixed her posture to look more composed. "Look, I think you already know why I asked to meet. I wanna say thank you, in person. That gift is so beautiful... and thoughtful."

 

Jungeun swore Heejin was staring down her soul, ripping through her long abandoned emotions. "It's nothing big... so you don't really have to." Jungeun broke the staring contest and chose to feign looking outside the windows. For a moment, she regretted leaving her initials on the gift card accompanying the guitar.

 

"It's obviously a big deal to me, Jung- Jungeun." Heejin stuttering on her name like it was so foreign made Jungeun's heart thumping in her ears. "I really like it. Honestly, I dont think I deserve it at all though but... I promise I will treasure the guitar and use it wisely. So again, thank you so much. I mean it."

 

There were droplets of virtual sweat forming on Jungeun's forehead. She was never the type to boast or openly discuss about her deeds, she much prefer to get them done and over in silence. But Heejin sounded so sincere and genuine that Jungeun could not find it in her to deny her. She was about to speak up when the previous waitress came again to deliver Heejin's order, a glass of cold green tea. Jungeun was grateful for the interference for it took a bit of the tension away.

 

When they were left alone again, Jungeun found the courage to be more confident. "It's my pleasure. I'm glad you like it." That earned a smile from Heejin and it caught Jungeun slightly off guard.

 

"Yeah, it's so beautiful. You picked well." Heejin commented, eyes shining.

 

"Let's just say that I... had some assistance." Jungeun cleared her throat, the memory of a certain someone invaded her mind and it made her smile unconsciously.

 

"Oh... they chose well yeah?" Heejin scrunched her face, an expression Jungeun could not quite comprehend. 

 

"I believe so... They were very helpful." Jungeun nodded, smile still lingering albeit it being more subtle now. If she had paid any attention, she would probably noticed Heejin's body language.

 

The younger girl then took a few more sips before shifting her attention back to Jungeun. "I see that you are getting better at using the social media." One corner of her lips curved upwards. "Or dare I say, _stalking_."

 

For the umpteenth time that day, Heejin dropped another attack on her. She began to suspect it was all planned beforehand. "That- that wasn't stalking." Jungeun stuttered in defense. "Wait, how did you know?" She was rendered confuse.

 

"Well, how else you found out about it if not through Instagram right?" Heejin had shown yet again that she was quick-witted.

 

"Yeah... but that was far from stalking."

 

"Right..."

 

" _Right_."

 

"You sure?"

 

"I'm sure. Very. _V_ _ery._ Sure." Jungeun made sure her determination was shown on her face.

 

Heejin's laugh filled their vicinity afterwards, carefree and full of joy. It took her a second or two longer, but Jungeun definitely could not escaped from being infected by it. Trust Heejin to take the charge in breaking the walls around them, just like how she did during their first hangout session (Heejin insisted it was a 'date') and on the second time when she initiated their short-lived reconciliation.

 

"You are so cute." She wiped on the tears brimming on her eyelids, long before she realized what she had just said. "I mean- you being in denial... like that." Heejin coughed and got her hands on her drinks to relief her sudden thirst.

 

Jungeun let out her own share of fake cough. "I guess I am... cute then." Jungeun tried to pass it off with cool. She knew Heejin did not mean anything else.

 

The sudden ringing from Heejin's cellphone came at such a perfect timing and the girl was quick to excuse herself to take the call. Jungeun heaved a sigh as she realized it was the chance for her to get a little room to breathe and recollect her thoughts again. She stole a few glances towards Heejin who was standing near the entrance of the cafe, fiddling with her cellphone before putting it back against her ear.

 

It did not take Heejin that long to return to their table, face seeming a little gloomy this time.

 

"Something happened?" Jungeun would be lying if she said she was not concerned at all.

 

Heejin nodded weakly. "I have to go soon. They gonna hold another surprise evaluation. So much for a surprise." Heejin whispered the last part mockingly.

 

"Oh... too bad then... I'm sure we still can meet up some other time." She tried to lighten up the obviously dampened mood.

 

In that instance, Heejin's lips turned into a pout. "I want to stay longer though... I-"  _missed you._ "... I hate it when they do this."

 

"Do you want me to give you a ride there?" Jungeun offered, being the courteous person she was.

 

"No!" Heejin waved her hands frantically but soon registered she was overreacting. "I mean, I don't want to trouble you. I'm sure you didn't bring any spare helmet with you."

 

Jungeun mentally scolded herself for forgetting that one detail. "Oh, right..."

 

"Plus, Hyunjin is coming to pick me up." Heejin added just to make sure that Jungeun did not take her wrongly.

 

"Hyunjin?" It was her first time hearing that name and she was somehow curious.

 

"Yeah, Hyunjin. A... a friend." Heejin simply answered. "Oh right! Oh my God, I can't believe I almost forgot about this. Um... are you free this upcoming weekend?"

 

"Maybe... why you asked?" Jungeun was confused at the sudden shift in topic.

 

"I will be joining a little stage in town this weekend, it's part of my debut prep. Uh think of it as a school talent show? Except it is not in school and is opened to public and basically anyone is free to join. You know... for fun? So I'm thinking maybe you wanna come watch?" Heejin tilted her head in hesitance. "It's okay if you have plans already though." She added quickly.

 

Jungeun gave it a bit of thought, her schedules were literally in the clear most of the times. "Sure... I can try..." She shrugged while nodding.

 

"Great! I will text you the details later." Jungeun was blinded by Heejin's bright smile, the girl was bouncing in her seat. "Oh! She is here." Jungeun followed Heejin's line of vision and saw someone on a yellow scooter waving at their general direction.

 

She then noticed that Heejin was searching through her bag in a frantic manner before smiling to herself when she realized what it was about. "Don't worry, it's on me." Jungeun reached across the table to grab Heejin's attention. "You should go now. Come on, she is waiting." She produced a couple of bills from her pocket before gesturing for Heejin to walk first. Jungeun just followed after her until they were outside of the entrance.

 

"Heekki!" She heard the person that she assumed as Hyunjin calling out what she recognized as Heejin's nickname (God, did she miss it), somehow Jungeun could spot the excitement in her eyes from distance.

 

Heejin acknowledged the girl with a wave of her hand before turning around to face Jungeun again, her eyes unreadable. "I guess, see you later?" Her tone carried uncertainties in it.

 

"Yeah, we will see about that." Jungeun nodded, a polite smile already carved on her face. "Good luck with your evaluation."

 

"Oh yeah, thanks. I'll... get going. Now." Heejin spun on her heel and took a couple of small steps before a pause came after that. Her back went missing from Jungeun's view out of nowhere and instead, the older one felt warmth creeping up her figure. Jungeun froze when she realized Heejin was hugging on her frame loosely, it happened in a flash but Jungeun believed that slow-mo effect did exist in real life. "Take care." This time she practically moved herself away from Jungeun and no more turning back.

 

Jungeun tried her best to avoid from staring directly at Hyunjin helping Heejin with her helmet, with the duo exchanging laughters in between. She saw _that_  look in Hyunjin's orbs and not that she ever asked for it, but it gave a much clearer clue to Jungeun (her inside twitched again).

 

Series of thunder that suddenly roaring in the sky stopped Jungeun's train of thought, only then she noticed that the clouds were looking more black than grey. It was going to pour down hard soon. Jungeun pulled out her keys and instantly headed for her own motorbike, completely missing Heejin waiting for her to look back.

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"_ _[What happens if I see you?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mybsDDymrsc)_ _"_

 

 

That particular ringing of a bell welcomed Jungeun warmly (and loudly) again. She had just ditched Chaewon on the track an hour ago, when the girl started to bring up their _supposedly_ unsettled business from their previous meeting. ' _So what did you mean by fooling around, Miss Kim?_ 'and the blonde literally whipped her hair around so that it caught Jungeun's face on purpose before looking at Jungeun with fire in her eyes and went ' _so bold for someone who don't even do relationships to be using that term huh?_ _Tch_ '. Jungeun decided it was best to flee before things escalate and get out of control, Chaewon seemed to be holding a lot of 'grudge' against her.

 

Jungeun scanned around and saw an unfamiliar face was busy sweeping on the floor, presumably on duty to clean the place. The person looked up and her previous sour expression suddenly turned into one of a robotic smile. "Welcome." The flat tone got Jungeun sweating anxiously. She anticipated for the robot girl to begin asking her questions and cater to her but instead, she just went back to doing her chore and it sent Jungeun perplexed.

 

_Okay..._

 

"Hyejoo! What are you doing leaving our customer like that?" A sudden boom of voice startled Jungeun that she took a step back (her weak heart really had a long ongoing history with this place). "Welcome! What can I help you with?" The woman that seemed to be in her late forties approached Jungeun eagerly.

 

"I-"

 

"Are you looking for an instrument?"

 

"No, I--"

 

"Guitar? Drum? Piano?"

 

"No, I'm not looking for--"

 

"You look like you'd be a great pianist."

 

"Thank you but I'm not a pian--"

 

"Oh, your hair... are you an artist?"

 

"Wait, what? No, I'm not--"

 

"Mom!" A third voice came interjecting and Jungeun used the chance to catch her breath. That was quite a traumatic experience if she must say. "For heaven's sake, stop scaring people like that."

 

Hyejoo? Yeah, Hyejoo just walked away in silent after that. Well, at least Jungeun had something to thank Hyejoo for.

 

The woman chuckled, seemingly bashful at her antics. "Sorry, honey. I just get excited whenever a customer walk in, especially a good looking one like you." She laughed. "So, what do you need?"

 

"Ah, I'm not that good looking..." Jungeun grinned awkwardly. "Um, actually I'm here for Haseul?"

 

"Oh, Haseul?" She seemed to be surprised at the request. "I'm afraid you won't be seeing her here today." The woman's expression turned apologetic.

 

Jungeun did not see that coming. "Oh... may I know why?"

 

"She is on leave starting from today, that's why I'm here. I can't find anyone reliable to help me look after my store yet. Hyejoo doesn't count." That earned another shout of protest from the Hyejoo girl ('Mom! I can hear you!').

 

 _On leave?_ Jungeun definitely did not consider that when she planned on coming all the way to Mobius Music. She nodded in understanding but her eyes were all over the place. "Do you know when is she coming back?"

 

Jungeun thought that she might be able to come visit again later but when the woman shook her head lightly, Jungeun could see the image of her plan went straight down the drain. "I can't tell for sure. She initially wanted to quit... but I asked her to think about it first and let her go on leave instead. She did say it may take her a while to come back."

 

"I see..." Jungeun's shoulders instantly slumped down, the energy that she had earlier suddenly leaving.

 

"I'm sorry for asking this but... may I know who are you? And your relation to Haseul?"

 

The questions caught her off guard and Jungeun racked her brain for decent answers in panic. "I'm Jungeun. I'm uh... a friend?" Were they even friends? Was she even allowed to claim that? What if Haseul disapproved it? She gave up and decided to just stick to fact. "I bought a guitar from her before. That's how I know her."

 

"Oh, so you are indeed a customer! Perhaps, there is anything wrong with the guitar?" She asked in concern.

 

"No, no. There is nothing wrong with it. Actually, I came to thank her for helping me choose the other day." Jungeun was dejected that she could not accomplish her mission today. She even brought her determination along and thought about trying her luck on asking Haseul out for dinner as a gesture to thank the girl (there was no hidden intention at all). "I must say that you have a very excellent employee. She is very helpful and nice."  _And beautiful and warm and talented and smart._

 

The woman let out another laugh but this time she sounded more proud than anything. "That is so Haseul." A motherly smile appeared on her face. "That's why I can't afford to lose her."

 

There was a nagging voice in her brain, urging her to be bold and ask for Haseul's contact information. But the more sane part in her perceived that as something intrusive and Jungeun did not want to pass off as a creep. Although she did admit that waiting to meet Haseul for an unknown period of time could be quite frustrating, she silently wondered if she would be able to handle that.

 

When she decided that there was no more reason for her to stay longer, she thanked the woman before excusing herself.

 

Jungeun was barely a step outside of the store when she was greeted by a voice. "So, you are _that_ girl."

 

Jungeun turned around to find the source and surprise immediately colored her face upon spotting Hyejoo standing against the wall of the store, her dark eyes staring straight in front of her. "Weren't you inside just now? H- how?"

 

"Doesn't matter." She shrugged.

 

Jungeun was still intimidated by the vibe coming off the girl, she was having a hard time to find the connection between this scary girl and her friendly mother. There was no way they were related by blood. "What do you mean by 'that girl'?" She finally asked out of curiosity.

 

"I didn't notice earlier but you are definitely that girl Haseul talked about before." Hyejoo answered nonchalantly.

 

"Haseul talked... about me?" Jungeun was not prepared for that information to come.

 

"Yeah... she usually spend like forever talking about the customers that came here. I told her to stop doing that but she still insist, I don't know why." If Jungeun did not know better, she would have thought the girl was falling asleep from the slow-paced monotone she was sporting. "You are totally the first one that she called as 'pretty tall girl with pretty silver hair'."

 

Jungeun felt her cheeks heating up, that was too much information to be processed in under five minutes. Haseul thought she was pretty? That was a great and flattering news that she did not see coming.

 

"Gross." She heard Hyejoo speaking again. "You might want to wipe that smile off your face." Hyejoo gestured with her hand before rolling her eyes.

 

Hyejoo definitely was not easy to be around, at least that was Jungeun's first impression on her. But she could be Jungeun's only hope in learning more about Haseul. And if she was lucky enough, she could probably find the girl as soon as possible. Now or never. "You seem to know Haseul well." She started.

 

"Kinda, she's been working here for like two years now since she dropped-- never mind, none of my business." She shifted so that she was bearing her weight on her left feet. "You look like you want something." Hyejoo hit right on the spot.

 

"Uh..." Her palms were sweating. "Do you know why she is on leave?"

 

"We playing Q&A now?" Hyejoo quirked an eyebrow before smirking. "I have a better idea."

 

"Idea...? What idea?" Never in Jungeun's life had she met someone that could rival (to say it lightly) her tough demeanour. She had a bad feeling about this one.

 

The dark haired girl pushed herself off the wall before slowly making her way towards Jungeun. "You let me have a taste of that," she pointed at Jungeun's precious motorbike, "and... I will let you ask me three questions."

 

Jungeun was beginning to question her sanity, she would never ever allow just anybody to ride on her motorbike (especially not a stranger) and this girl actually wanted her to consider that? She was not about to sacrifice her Honda, especially not in such a disgraceful way, for some girl. She was not that desperate to the point of breaking her own rules.

 

But... Haseul was not just some girl, right?

 

"You know, I'm not forcing you." Hyejoo began to withdraw and headed for the store. "Good luck with whatever you have in your mind."

 

"Wait!" Jungeun screamed, that was the loudest she had ever been since forever. "How long?"

 

Hyejoo snorted. "10 minutes."

 

"No, two."

 

"Eight."

 

"Can't, three."

 

"Seven."

 

"Make it five."

 

"Deal." Hyejoo had her palm open in front of Jungeun and with so much hesitance, she released the keys from her fingers.

 

"Wait, do you even have a license?" She paused.

 

Hyejoo just smirked. "Oh, fret not." With a swift move, she snatched the keys away from Jungeun. "Shoot."

 

"Again, do you know why she is on leave?" She looked at the girl warily.

 

"Not sure. Probably have something to do with Yeojin." The taller (much much  _taller_ , surprisingly) girl lazily shrugged, as if her energy could not get any lower.

 

"Yeojin?" Jungeun tilted her head at the unfamiliar name.

 

"Her sister."

 

"Oh."

 

"That's two."

 

"What?"

 

"Your question. And that's three. I'm off."

 

"What do you mean that's three? That doesn't count!"

 

"You are going over the quota there."

 

"Come on..."

 

Hyejoo sighed in despair, eyes rolling. "Fine, one more."

 

"Can you give me her number?"

 

"L-O-L." She mocked laughing. "Nah, don't think Haseul gonna appreciate that. Last time I did, I still don't hear the end of it."

 

"But you promised!"

 

"I promised to answer questions, we never discussed how I'd do it." Jungeun stared at her, looking appalled. "No offense but you look scary."

 

"Huh! You are one to talk." Jungeun ran her hands down her face. "Give me back my keys then."

 

"We had a deal!" Hyejoo hid the keys behind her.

 

"You are being shady so the deal is off." Jungeun's eyes were bigger now, visibly frustrated.

 

"Fine, fine! I'll let you know... where she lives."

 

Jungeun shook her head, looking away in disbelief. "Why not her number?"

 

"Told you, your girl doesn't like that." Hyejoo feigned innocence. "Plus, it's so much more fun this way."

 

Her patience was running thin, Hyejoo was definitely handful to deal with. "First, she is not my girl."

 

" _Yet_." The dark haired girl smirked.

 

"Shut up. Second, since you are messing with the deal we gonna cut it down to three minutes." She waved three digits right in front of Hyejoo's face to make it clear.

 

"But-" Hyejoo took a while to respond but soon she relentlessly nodded. "Fine... laters!" She ran off.

 

"You haven't told me her address?!"

 

"Later!" That made Jungeun grunted, thinking what did she do in the past to deserve this.

 

When Hyejoo steered her motorbike away from the store, Jungeun had the horror plastered on her face. _Oh God_. "BE CAREFUL!" And off Hyejoo with her one and only beloved treasure.

 

Hyejoo did come back albeit her passing the three minutes mark, face so satisfied Jungeun could feel her own blood pressure going up (and reaching its boiling point). Thankfully her Honda had no hint of scratch or dent. _Thankfully_. And the girl, surprisingly, kept her promise and gave her the direction to Haseul's place. Jungeun insisted for an accurate address but Hyejoo convinced her that it would be easy to find Haseul's house once she arrived there. It was fishy, but Jungeun was getting tired of Hyejoo's mind games so she just followed as she was told.

 

Jungeun had to laugh at herself upon arriving at the entrance of a residence with rows of littered apartment buildings. She estimated that there were at least 10 different buildings, each five storeys up and probably had more than 10 units on each level. There was no way she could find Haseul's unit without knocking on every door at every single floor and risking getting yelled right on her face. She was having a hard time believing that she basically just got tricked by someone she just met. If she were to follow her emotion at that moment, she would love to turn back to Mobius and teach Hyejoo a lesson. But both her body and brain were so drained that she pushed the idea to the very back of her mind. That could wait.

 

Maybe meeting Haseul could wait too. Or at least she wished.

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"[My heart is now being colored with you.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a4BWpBJppI)"_

 

 

"Tell me why are we here again." The taller blonde asked in annoyance.

 

"For Heejin." The other calmly responded.

 

"Ew, that is so incorrect." She pulled a face. " _You_ are here for her, I'm here because you literally dragged me all the way from home."

 

"You said you were busy doing nothing, so why not?" She let her gaze to fall basically everywhere, as if occupied in looking for something.

 

"Why not? Why? Not?" She huffed. "I rather do nothing than be here and force myself to watch _her_ annoying ass, Jungeun. You even made me drive! And for what? For this?! The au-da-ci-ty." She grunted, arms were folded across her chest.

 

"I still don't understand why you hate Heejin so much." Jungeun glanced at her. It was a genuine thought, Jinsoul had never been so discreet about despising Heejin even after Jungeun got herself tangled with the said girl. If anything, it just got worse.

 

"I don't hate her." She retorted. "I just have a very supercalifragilisticexpialidocious strong intense extra spicy with cherry on top level of dislike for her."

 

"Whatever does that even mean..." Jungeun stared at her in confusion, she could feel her brain went haywire. "But literally same difference, Soul." She shook her head.

 

"Exactly." Her tone raised a bar. "They are different." A triumphant smile was presented on her face.

 

"That's not how-" She stared at Jinsoul in disbelief. "You know what? Whatever." Jungeun opted to sigh in defeat.

 

They stood in silence after that, compeletely drowned in the buzzing environment all around them.

 

"Tell me why I can sense her annoying ass from miles away." Jinsoul was gritting on her teeth tightly, eyes staring at a particular direction that Jungeun had to look over it herself. "Someone better stop me before I start punching on that beautiful face." She growl whispered the last two words.

 

Heejin was half jogging towards where Jungeun and Jinsoul were standing, face glowing with excitement. "Be nice, Jinsoul." Jungeun could see Hyunjin trailing not far behind but instead of approaching them, she stopped a distance away.

 

"Does that look like an option to me? Oh, let me guess.  _Never_." Jinsoul looked away as an all smiling Heejin waved at Jungeun.

 

"Hi Jungeun! You are here!" Her voice was high-pitched, obviously delighted that Jungeun accepted her invitation.

 

"Yeah... it sounds like it will be fun so I figured why not." Jungeun smiled at her.

 

"It will be, I promise." Heejin flashed her a huge grin. "Hi to you too, Soul. Long time no see, didn't notice you there." She shifted her attention towards the blonde.

 

"Don't Soul me." She stubbornly stay looking away. "Not my fault you are basically blind without your ugly round glasses on."

 

Heejin's eyes went wide, she could not say she was not expecting for that to happen at all. "O... kay... But I still have my contacts on so that doesn't really explain!" She retorted.

 

"Ignore her, she is always stuck up like that." Jungeun tapped on Heejin's forearm to get her attention again.

 

"Hey!" Jinsoul hollered, sending death glares towards Jungeun but the latter stay unfazed.

 

Heejin just giggled, her rows of pearls shining through. "My turn isn't until fifth last. But I can't stay here long, I still need to get ready backstage." She pouted.

 

"What even is the purpose of this event though?" Jinsoul suddenly chimed in, nose high while avoiding looking at Heejin.

 

Heejin pretended that Jinsoul did not just try to be dismissive with that question. "It's free for all kind of stage. Basically anyone are welcomed to join." She dutifully explained.

 

"That kind of thing exists? Do they offer prizes? I could have joined if I had known earlier." Jinsoul was oozing with confidence, one corner of her lips tugged upwards.

 

"You gonna join for what? Being dramatic?" Jungeun snickered.

 

"Excuse me, your best friend since college is generously gifted with the talent to sing and dance okay? Please get your fact checked." Jinsoul made sure to look at Jungeun dead in the eyes. When she saw that Jungeun acknowledged her statement, she could not help but to smirk.

 

"And... rapping too." Heejin added, much to Jinsoul's dismay.

 

"Rap?" That was a news to Jungeun.

 

"Shut up, Jeon. Don't you dare talk about that." Jinsoul warned her but Heejin just laughed.

 

"Yeah, I precisely remember that audition for the Performing Arts Club." She shed some lights for Jungeun.

 

"I swear to God, if you don't stop this-"

 

"Heejin, we need to go now." An unfamiliar voice stopped their little bickering session. Jungeun's eyes followed the hand rested on Heejin's shoulder to find Hyunjin standing there. "Your turn is soon."

 

Heejin just nodded before sighing. "Sorry, I have to go now. See you after I'm finished?" She stared at Jungeun, hopeful.

 

"Yeah, sure. Good luck." Jungeun pumped her fist in the air slightly.

 

Jungeun turned her attention towards Jinsoul. "Let's go find us a seat."

 

They walked through the sea of human, it was not as jam packed as how it would be on real concerts but definitely packed enough to make Jungeun and Jinsoul squirmed their way, apologizing for bumping into random people here and there. They settled for a couple of seats down the middle row. A few participants were already done with their performance and the atmosphere only heating up as more bodies began to flood the audience area hence more loud cheers ensued.

 

"This is gonna be so boring." Jinsoul let out a deep sigh. "Hey, Jungeun. Who is that girl from before?" She leaned over so that Jungeun could hear her better.

 

"Which girl?" She quirked an eyebrow.

 

"The one with the annoying brat." Jinsoul raised her voice as the music got louder.

 

"That annoying brat's name is Heejin." Jungeun casted a glare. "And I believe it's Hyunjin you asking about."

 

"Hyunjin? Why that annoying brat gotta have similar name as hers? Ugh." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, she is beautiful." That made Jungeun whipped her head to look at Jinsoul like she had grown another head. She saw a dreamy smile displayed on her best friend's face. "What? I can't share my opinion without being judged now?"

 

Flickering images of Heejin and Hyunjin from the other day flashed behind her eyes. "I don't know. You said that with every girl you met."

 

"Only with girls that actually caught my eyes." Jungeun did not like where this was heading. "Maybe you can convince Jeon to pass you Hyunjin's number?"

 

More flashbacks, more laughters. "Nope."

 

"Why not?" Jinsoul whined.

 

Jungeun pretended to have her attention elsewhere. "Hey, listen. Isn't this your favorite cake group's song? Um... they are ruining the song."

 

"Bummer." She huffed. "And it's Red Velvet. Stop calling them a cake group, Kim Jungeun."

 

"My bad!" Jungeun merely shrugged.

 

Both of them only sat in silence after that, having their focus glued to the stage. Jungeun had to admit that it was not that bad, some of them who joined were actually pretty talented and entertaining to watch. Soon enough, Heejin's turn came as her name was announced.

 

Heejin was wearing a one piece red dress that stopped just above her knees, hair styled to make her look more luxurious. Jungeun missed the title of the song but paid no mind to that and instead, let herself to be enchanted by Heejin. She knew the girl was pure talent, from her singing to her dancing all the way to her natural charismatic stage presence. So much improvement from the last time she remember seeing Heejin on stage. _Good old days_. Her chest was soaring and if she let it be long enough, it might explode from the bubbling sense of proud. It was obvious that Heejin had been working so hard, it was shown from the way she fluidly move to the beat of the song while hitting the notes, barely missing any. The cheer from the crowds had to be the loudest so far and Jungeun found her palms hurting from clapping too much but she ignored it. Eventually the song came to an end and Heejin finished it off by throwing a playful wink and huge smile. The crowds united for a standing ovation and the look on Heejin's face was priceless, she was struggling between smiling and holding in her tears. Jungeun wanted so bad to get up there, hold her and tell her it was okay to cry.

 

"Huh, she is not bad at all." Jinsoul commented from beside her. "When she is not talking." She added as an afterthought.

 

Jungeun side-eyed her for that. "Don't be mean."

 

"Mean? Hello, that's a generous compliment okay?" Jinsoul defended herself. "Now that this is over, can we get out of here?"

 

"I promised Heejin to see her after her stage." Jungeun scratched the back of her head.

 

"Last time I checked, you two already broke up." Jinsoul muttered under breath.

 

"Hey, I heard tha-"

 

"... Jo Haseul!!" The next name announced by the host caught Jungeun's attention and it rang a (very loud) bell in her. She quickly turned back to the stage, heart beating rapidly against her ribcage. _Can't be her_. Whoever this Jo Haseul was, she definitely took longer than the rest of the participants to get up stage. Jungeun's breath got caught in her throat the moment she saw a glimpse of familiar brunette, taking her spot at the center of the medium-sized stage. She pulled herself up on a high stool chair, resting her guitar comfortably on her lap.

 

This time Jungeun managed to note down the title of the song, The Starry Night. Haseul picked on the strings and somehow the melody made sense to Jungeun. It was the same tune Haseul played back at Mobius Music, there was no denying it. Jungeun had always find it beautiful, from the very first time she heard it from Haseul. But this time it was different, she was brought to a whole new spectrum as Haseul leaned over the microphone and started to breathe out the first line.

 

  
_Here, here comes the wind  
Your and my Paris  
It's coming, can you see it?  
We are shining  
What fills you and I aren't just the moon_  
_If you are white, that's a lie_  
What you are stepping on is my overfilled heart  
Say nothing  
I'm a grown up you know

 

Haseul produced a soft smile and Jungeun swore her very, very fragile heart stopped right there and right then.

 

 _Here, here is a beach_  
Let's walk over the sky  
Hold my hand  
Your eyes sparks  
Fill me without a pause

 

Haseul's voice was so delicate and soothing that Jungeun could feel it worming inside of her. Now she understood what they meant by honey-like voice (the phrase never made any sense to her).

 

 _We are laying on the sun_  
In love you and I  
We arrive from the moon  
In love you and I

 

The brunetted glanced up at the crowds and Jungeun saw a glimpse of twinkles that she had grown accustomed to. It was captivating.

 

 _What is up there isn't just the moon_  
If you say you are hit, that's a lie  
What you are stepping on is my overfilled heart  
Say nothing  
We are adults

 

Jungeun felt a tug on her heart strings, weighing down on her centre of gravity.

 

 _Here, here is the wind_  
Your and my Paris  
Here, here in this beach  
Let's walk over the sky

 

She released a breath she did not realize she had been holding in for so long. Haseul took the air from her and now Jungeun's inside was filled with floating butterflies. She had forgotten this sort of feelings, had forgotten how it was like to actually feel things. Jungeun felt dizzy, the realization hit her so hard and she was not ready for the after effects. She could hear her heart beating like mad in both of her ears, loud and deafening all at the same time. Jungeun resisted, no way this could be happening.

 

"Earth to Jungeun!" A snap of fingers right in front of her face forced her to come back to reality. She looked to her left and was instantly met with a worried Jinsoul. "What's gotten into you?"

 

"Huh?" Jungeun remained floating.

 

Jinsoul pulled her eyebrows downwards. "You are being weird..."

 

Jungeun shut her eyes for a moment. _Breathe, breathe_. She opened them once she was confident that she had regained her composure. "Jinsoul! That's her!" Jungeun exclaimed loudly.

 

"Her who?" As if Jinsoul was not confused enough, now she had completely lost Jungeun.

 

"Haseul! That's Haseul!" Jungeun looked over the stage and realized that Haseul was long gone. "I need to see her." She said to no one in particular.

 

"See who? Haseul? W- wait who is this Haseul girl?" Jinsoul rested her fingers against her temple, she could feel a migraine incoming.

 

Jungeun shot up from her seat and looked around, she remembered the path Heejin took to the backstage. The rush in her was not going to subside anytime soon, she needed to get there. "I'm going."

 

"Go where?!" Jinsoul tried to stop her, her hand missing Jungeun's arm by inches.

 

"I'll be quick! Call you later!" The younger girl screamed out, already running in full speed that it took less than a minute for her to go missing from Jinsoul's view.

 

Jinsoul was left dumbfounded. "She really ditched me here?! Really now?!"

 

The last time she gave her all while running was during middle school when she wanted so bad to join the track and field team so that she could represent the school and make her parents proud. She got in but an injury apparently cut her dream short so Jungeun had to see herself sitting on the bleachers for the rest of the semester.  She gave up the following year. Her lungs were on fire but Jungeun could not care less, she did not want to miss Haseul this time. She saw a signboard that indicated backstage a few metres away and instantly made her way there. But a security stopped her as she was about to go beyond the checkpoint.

 

"No pass, no entrance." He simply said and Jungeun could not believe her luck.

 

"This is an emergency. Please." She pleaded but the security stay firmed on his ground, shaking his head with a blank face.

 

Jungeun was pacing back and forth, racking her brain for another way but came up with nothing. The fact that Haseul could be a minute away from her and yet she would not be able to reach her anytime now made her devastated. Fate was playing with her, huh?

 

"Aren't you Jungeun?" Someone tapped on her shoulder and grabbed her attention.

 

It was Hyunjin, much to Jungeun's surprise. "Ah... yeah. That's me."

 

She held out her hand. "I'm Hyunjin. Heejin's-"

 

"I know." Jungeun stared at her for approximately 10 seconds before returning the handshake.

 

Hyunjin nodded in acknowledgement, feeling awkward. "What are you doing back here?" She asked.

 

"Oh, that. Uh..." Jungeun was not sure if she should be telling Hyunjin about the struggle she was facing since the last 10 minutes.

 

"To see Heejin?" Hyunjin supplied, tilting her head to the side.

 

That was helpful. "Y- yeah." She glanced down and saw her one way ticket dangling from Hyunjin's neck. "I need to leave soon so I thought I should meet her first at least... but they won't let me in." Jungeun wondered if she had always been this good at lying.

 

"Do you want me to call her out instead?" Hyunjin's eyebrows raised up.

 

"Oh, no. It's okay. I thought about surprising her..." Jungeun scratched her head. "... but I guess not."

 

Hyunjin looked away, bouncing her head up and down slowly. "Too bad..." She muttered. "Or maybe you can have my pass and get inside? I think that works." She waved the card.

 

"Is that possible?" Jungeun was having a hard time to conceal her true feelings.

 

"Should be... they don't inspect thoroughly. As long as you have this, you are good." Hyunjin took it off and handed it over to Jungeun. "Here. Once you are done, I'll be there somewhere near the booths."

 

Jungeun made sure there was a pause before she actually let her fingers wrapped on the pass. "I owe you one. I'll be quick." She smiled.

 

"Don't mention it. Oh and can you please give this to her? She been asking for it." Hyunjin held up a bottle of green tea, it was Heejin's favorite.

 

Guilt suddenly nibbling inside her. "S- sure thing."

 

Hyunjin just walked away after that. Jungeun recollected her thoughts and headed for the checkpoint. True enough, he did not spare a glance after Jungeun showed him the pass. She quickened her pace despite being at lost at the sight of dozens of door to both her left and right. Jungeun had to read on every single writing on the doors while speed walking. Through one open door down the hall, she saw Heejin by chance and immediately approached the girl.

 

Heejin was pleasantly surprised to see Jungeun there. "How did you get in here?"

 

"Hyunjin." Jungeun showed her the pass. "I'm looking for someone." She scanned through the room but saw no sign of the brunette she was aching to meet.

 

"Someone?" Heejin's expression changed a bit. "Who?"

 

Jungeun shifted her gaze towards Heejin. "Perhaps, you know Jo Haseul? Her turn was after you."

 

"Haseul..." Heejin pondered for a moment. "Oh, yeah. I remember her. We spoke a bit... What about her?"

 

"I need to see her." Jungeun pressed, no longer care if her desperation was shown.

 

Heejin's face instantly fell but she tried her best to cover it up. She looked around, pitching in her own effort to find Haseul. "I think she left with that girl with pink hair... you missed her by a few minutes."

 

"She left...?" Jungeun could not hide her dissappointment. She closed her eyes and pinched on her nose bridge, a deep sigh escaped her lips. _Not again_. She opened them again and saw Heejin staring at her with concern. "Oh right. Uh... Hyunjin asked me to pass this to you." Jungeun extended the bottle over to Heejin.

 

"Thanks." Heejin simply smiled.

 

"You did so well back there." Jungeun combed her hair back.  "It was amazing, people loved it." She gave Heejin a bright grin, she remembered how flustered the girl was.

 

"Do _you_ love it?" Heejin's eyes flickered towards her.

 

Jungeun was caught off guard by that question, she cleared her throat forcefully. "Yeah, of course. How can I not? I can't wait for your debut now."

 

"Good to know that." Heejin nodded, her smile did not quite reach her eyes.

 

"I have to leave now. Hyunjin must be waiting to get this back." Jungeun gestured at the backstage pass. "I had fun though so thank you. I'll see you around." She bid Heejin a goodbye without looking back.

 

Jungeun left the backstage with heavy steps, another chance and another failed attempt at reaching Haseul. She was at the verge of giving up. Maybe it was never meant to be, maybe they were destined to stay close on parallel lines but never crossing paths anymore. Jungeun smiled bitterly at the possibility.

 

When she reached the booth that Hyunjin mentioned earlier, Jungeun heard a familiar voice followed by a familiar laugh. Her eyebrow quirked upwards at the scene before her. She need not to look for Jinsoul any further as the girl was already there, talking to Hyunjin with her hands flailing all over the place. Jinsoul was probably busy telling Hyunjin some weird jokes and the latter surprisingly took them well.

 

"There you are, you ditcher." Jinsoul said in a mocking tone.

 

Jungeun ignored her. "Here. Thank you." She handed the pass back to Hyunjin. "Heejin is waiting for you."

 

"No problem." Hyunjin smiled, eyes lit up at the mention of Heejin. "It was nice talking to you, Jinsoul. And thanks for the bread." She waved an empty plastic in her hand. "I'll text you later, maybe we can hang out once in a while." With that, she left the duo again.

 

"What was that?" Jungeun asked as they were leaving the venue.

 

"Since you won't help your bff, I decided to make my own move." Jinsoul said, tone so proud.

 

Jungeun shook her head. "Probably not a good idea, Soul."

 

"You are just jealous." She stuck her tongue out at Jungeun. "So 'sup with that Haseul girl? You never mentioned her to me." Jinsoul casually asked, eyeing Jungeun suspiciously.

 

Jungeun grumbled, kicking an innocent pebble that happened to be in her path. "Ugh not now, Soul."

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"[When I wake up from my dream it makes me sad.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6JmCdDs_GM)"_

 

 

It was Monday night, 15 minutes passed eight as Jungeun left her office. Her stomach was grumbling since an hour ago and despite that, she declined Jinsoul's invitation to dinner.

 

She wanted to head home straight, get on her bed and catch up on some sleep since she barely got any of it these days. But what was used to be low cries for food inside of her stomach, had suddenly turned into an overflowing stinging pain. Jungeun changed her course and instead headed for a cafe she discovered on the day Hyejoo took advantage of her naiveness, aiming for a quick dinner to satisfy her hunger.

 

But luck was not on her side as she stared at the 'closed' sign hanging on the door. She sighed, looking around for another options. A couple of street food stalls, fast food chains and a convenience store lined up her vision. She really was not in the mood to entertain her raging stomach so she chose the simplest one, the convenience store.

 

Jungeun grabbed a cup of instant noodles and a bottle of water before making her way to the counter to complete her purchase. The cashier looked dead out of boredom that Jungeun felt an ounce of sympathy for him.

 

She was ready to grab her card and get her noodles in her stomach as soon as possible when she saw a glimpse of familiar figure from the giant security mirror behind the counter. Jungeun squinted her eyes, taking a double check to make sure she was not mistaken. She then peeked over her shoulder, the person was too busy looking through the shelves down the aisle to notice her. Albeit that, Jungeun was more elated that her eyes did not play a trick on her.

 

Jungeun took both her card and shopping bag without second thought and bolted out of the store in flash. Panic took over her as she tried to find a way to make the best out of this chance. She just threw the plastic bag over the handle bar of her motorbike, her dinner abandoned. Regaining her composure, she pulled on her hoodie to hide the mess and make herself look decent enough.

 

The person was leaving the counter, a smile still on her face after sending the cashier a small thank you. Jungeun tried her best to look casual and as the person stepped outside the store, she jumped on her opportunity. Since forever, Jungeun was never the type to chase after both friendship nor relationship. But for some unknown reason, Jungeun did not want to let Haseul to stay as a mere acquaintance in her life.

 

"Miss Haseul?" Jungeun called out, voice laced with nervous. The temperature was nowhere near warm but Jungeun could feel cold sweat forming on her.

 

That startled the girl in question as she turned around and tried to adjust her sight under the semi-dark environment. The delay in her response time made Jungeun wonder if she had possibly got the wrong person. Jungeun gulped on her saliva, hands trembling anxiously.

 

"... Oh? It's you!" _That_ voice, positive. "Kim Jungeun... right?" The lighting was minimal but the silver under that hoodie was unmistakable.

 

"Yeah, that's me." A frown appeared on Jungeun's forehead. "How... did you know my name?" She did not remember introducing herself formally before.

 

Haseul smiled sheepishly. "Well... from your card the other day?" That fact was not supposed to be shared, especially not with the owner of the said card, but she basically just let the cat out of the bag herself. "It was silly of me for not asking from you directly." She scratched on her cheek. "Is that fine with you...?"

 

Jungeun let out a breathy chuckle. "Silly of me for not introducing myself properly." She massaged on her own shoulder awkwardly. "I have no complaint."

 

"I don't want you to mistake me as a nosy person." Haseul bit her tongue.

 

"Of course not." Jungeun reassured her. "Maybe we can restart?" When Haseul stared at her with confusion written in her brown orbs, Jungeun had to kick on invisible dusts to get rid of her nervousness. "I mean, a proper introduction?"

 

Haseul's eyes lit up, her smile bearing the same intensity. "That sounds great!" She inched a lot closer this time and Jungeun's breath hitched. "Hi, I'm Jo Haseul. Born in '97. I love movies, watermelons and dogs." Haseul extended her hand, offering Jungeun a handshake. "I hate birds. I think they are secretly plotting on world domination." She whispered in full volume, enclosing her mouth with her free hand. Jungeun noted that as one of Haseul's habits and her definition of proper introduction was quite interesting too.

 

Nevertheless, Jungeun was stunned. "Isn't that what people usually say but with cats instead?" She saw Haseul shrugged at that. Jungeun took more than 10 seconds boring a gaze at Haseul's hand. "I'm Jungeun, a Kim. Uh..." She contemplated whether or not to include the same context as Haseul's in her introduction. "Was born in early 1999." She took Haseul's hand in hesitation, surprisingly it was warm and it spread all the way down to Jungeun's spine.

 

Jungeun could feel Haseul tightened her grip around her hand, she madly wanted to run somewhere deserted to calm her heart in that instance. When Haseul just stay still, looking at her like she owe her something, Jungeun had to arch her eyebrows in confusion. "That's it?" Haseul asked.

 

She roamed her eyes to the view behind Haseul's head. "... Yeah?"

 

Haseul suddenly pouted and Jungeun's heart rate of palpilation skyrocketed. "I gave more than just my name and my birth year. Isn't it just fair for you to share a bit more about yourself too?" Her tone was suspicioulsy persuasive, what with her cute little head tilt.

 

Jungeun was not sure about the purpose of sharing things that she consider as redundant like this but she was far from letting Haseul down. Amusing enough, in the jumble of mess that was her brain Jungeun managed to pick up on a spontaneuos idea. "You are right." She started. "How about this, you join me for dinner and I will share maybe... one or two bits about me?" Jungeun was oozing with sudden confidence.

 

Haseul, the one with obvious boldness from the very beginning, seemed not to expect for that to come. She looked down at their still joined hands, if they kept this going they probably could set the record for world's longest handshake. The older cleared her throat, wondering if what she was feeling was exactly what would be referred as 'shook' by this generation. "You are saying facts about you come with cost now?" No way she was going to lose this. If Jungeun wanted to play, she was more than ready to join.

 

"Sort of." Jungeun smiled. "But good news is, the cost will be on me."

 

Haseul scoffed but the wide smile and amused laughter that came right after betrayed her. Jungeun could not quite pinpoint the reason, but she was loving the feeling of being the source behind Haseul's smile and laugh. "Didn't know you have it in you to be smooth like that." She commented, playful smile not leaving her delicate face.

 

"I didn't know either." Jungeun's shoulders moved in a shrug before she cleared her throat. "But we know now." If either Jinsoul or Chaewon was here, Jungeun would never hear the end of them making fun of her. "So, what do you say?"

 

Haseul's expression turned serious, seeming to actually fall into a deep thought. "Hm... lemme see..."

 

Jungeun saw just how restless Haseul's brown eyes were. "It's okay if you have plans alrea-"

 

"Alright, let's go." Haseul had her gaze back on Jungeun, an inviting smile was flashed alongside it.

 

Jungeun had to content her reaction, had to stop herself from shouting a 'hell yeah'. So, she just mirrored Haseul's expression. "Let's go." With that, Haseul released her hold on Jungeun's hand, her thumb brushing lightly against the back of Jungeun's hand. A slight disappointment washed over the latter.

 

After the mandatory 'where do you want to eat' bickering session that lasted for about five minutes, Jungeun finally gave in and chose their next destination. It was a short walk across the street, Jungeun leading with Haseul in tow. Approximately less than 15 minutes later, they were seated on a table for two.

 

Haseul's little smile never leaving her face. "Subway huh?" The brunette started.

 

Under much better lighting, with Haseul seated directly across her, Jungeun could treat herself to another tour of Haseul's beautiful features. "Yeah, I don't feel like eating full course tonight." Jungeun loved her eyes the most yet she had no courage to stare at them for more than three seconds. "Hope you don't mind."

 

"Not at all." Haseul shook her head. "Although, not gonna lie, you got me worried about being underdressed for a fancy restaurant back there." She chuckled.

 

Jungeun frowned. "Fancy restaurant? Were you expecting that?" The frown deepened.

 

"No, no. Don't get me wrong." Haseul pursed her lips. "I thought you'd much prefer something like that." She glanced at Jungeun, no malicious intent behind her tone.

 

"Like fancy restaurant?" Jungeun was a bit lost.

 

Haseul merely hummed. "Fancy restaurants, fancy things. Anything fancy."

 

"Why you think that?" Jungeun dared herself to look at Haseul directly.

 

The girl used her left index finger to tap on her chin. "Because you look fancy?"

 

Jungeun let out a low snicker. "I look fancy?"

 

Haseul stifled a laugh. "Yeah, you look fancy. Especially your silver hair." Her eyes roamed on Jungeun's locks that she unconsciously brushed it to the back.

 

"Ash grey is a much accurate name for it but silver works too I guess." Jungeun took a tiny bite of her sandwich. Ever since meeting Haseul earlier, she had forgotten about her poor stomach.

 

"But silver sounds better." One corner of her lips curled upwards. "Why silver? If you don't mind me asking." Haseul appeared to have little to no interest about her own share of dinner.

 

Jungeun made sure to completely swallow down her food before forming an answer. She was a bit taken aback as no one had ever question her about something as mundane as her choice of hair colors. At least not in the way Haseul did, the girl looked genuinely curious. "Uh... I used to be blonde before..." A flash of past played behind her eyelids and it got her trembling. "... anyway, I've always thought that was the only bright feature that I had on me. I didn't really wanna go back to dark so.. that's when grey came into the picture." She finished off with a distant bitter smile.

 

"Your hair isn't the only bright thing that you have." Haseul's voice was so quite that Jungeun thought she misheard it. 

 

"Pardon?" Jungeun straightened her back, she swore she misheard that.

 

"Nothing." The other girl merely dismissed it. Haseul leaned closer, as if engrossed in getting to know Jungeun better. "So, do you like it?"

 

Jungeun squinted her eyes at Haseul. "Wait. I thought you only get to learn about a fact or two regarding me."

 

Haseul gave her her signature coy smile. "Since we are already at it, might as well." She shrugged, only then she reached for her sandwich and peeled the wrapping off.

 

"That's not fair." Jungeun pulled her lips downwards. "My turn. Why didn't you tell me that you can sing?" That caused Haseul to choke on her sandwich and let go of the food before sipping on her coke in hurry. Jungeun was not expecting for that question to send a massive shock in Haseul's direction, guilt instantly washed over her. "Oh my God, are you okay? I'm- I'm so sorry." Her right hand hovering over Haseul's side, not daring to touch the girl any further.

 

It took Haseul more than a minute to relief the irritation that she felt on her throat all the way down to her chest. Jungeun still looked over her with both worry and guilt. "I'm fine, don't worry. That's just me being clumsy." She reassured the girl with a smile. "Anyway, how did you know?"

 

Jungeun probably lost her focus from worrying too much. "Know what?"

 

"Your question earlier...? Something about not telling you that I can sing...?" Haseul's eyebrows shot upwards, trying her best to remind Jungeun.

 

"Oh!" Jungeun let her fingers to drum against the table. "I might have seen you singing on stage a few days ago." She replaced the drumming with random scratching.

 

Haseul tried to make sense of that by getting the gears in her brain to work faster. She jumped in her seat the moment it clicked for her. "You were there?!" She half shouted and half whispered, eyes almost bulging out of their sockets.

 

Jungeun was confused by Haseul's reaction, an uncertain smile appeared on her face. "Yeah, I was...?"

 

Haseul gasped, hands went up to cover her face. "Oh my God, that's so embarrassing." Her voice muffled.

 

"Why would that be embarrassing?" Jungeun leaned over the table, this time she willed herself to peel Haseul's fingers so that she could look at the latter's eyes.

 

"I don't know but it's embarrassing..." Haseul avoided her eye contact.

 

Jungeun stared at her weirdly. "I don't understand. If anything, you should be proud instead." She searched for Haseul's brown orbs. "You were amazing back there. I- I had a hard time believing that was real."  _That you were real_. "You have a... um..." She coughed loudly. "... a very beautiful voice."

 

That definitely had an effect on the older girl as she finally met Jungeun's eyes, looking like she had so much to say yet she just kept mum. Haseul bit on her lower lip loosely before breaking away from the staring game. "Thank you." Her voice barely came out but something about the way Haseul being shy and reserved like that made Jungeun's heart leapt out of her chest.

 

Jungeun just nodded, not trusting herself to speak up without turning it into a jumble of words.

 

They spent the next minutes munching on their food, only exchanging a few words here and there when needed. Despite the noises inside of the restaurant, there was only silence in their little bubble. But it was more comforting than tensed and Jungeun appreciated that. She enjoyed Haseul's quiet presence just as much as she did with her bold side.

 

In no time, they found themselves standing face to face right in front of the restaurant. Jungeun was busy making invisible shapes against the pavement using her boot when Haseul's warm voice greeted her again. "Time sure flies, hm?"

 

The taller girl looked up from her mini distraction. "Yeah, it sure does." She pulled one side of her lips upwards.

 

None of them made any effort to move after that, both seemed to be restless as time slowly ticking down. Haseul was the one to break the silence again. "I should go now, it's getting late." Her upper teeth graced on her cold lip.

 

Jungeun's eyes fell on every single object in their vicinity before she eventually let them rest on Haseul. "Should I walk you home?" She was forever grateful that her voice did not waver one bit.

 

Haseul's eyes widened. "Ah, it's okay! I can go home by myself. It's not that far..." She juggled her weight between her left and right foot.

 

"But like you said, it's getting late." Jungeun stay firmed. "I insist."

 

"I'm already used to walk around here alone." Haseul was not sure on how to decline Jungeun without sounding rude. "Besides, how about your bike?" As much as she loved the idea of spending a little bit more time with Jungeun, burdening the girl would be the last thing that she would do.

 

"What about my bike?" Jungeun asked, confused.

 

"Yeah, your bike. You left it in front of that store, right? There?" Haseul pointed to the spot.

 

Jungeun looked over her shoulder and true enough her beloved Honda was there waiting to be collected by its owner. "Right... how did you- I thought you didn't notice." She laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of her head with her fingers. Jungeun did not expect for Haseul to bring up her motorbike since she never talked about it and this just proved that the girl could be quite observant.

 

"It's huge and the colors are very fierce the first time I saw it, so this time it's hard to go unnoticed." Haseul chuckled. "For some reason, the colors are so  _you_."

 

Jungeun smiled bashfully. "What do you mean?"

 

" _Fierce_ appearance." Haseul shrugged. "But I think there's a difference though."

 

"And that will be...?" Jungeun waited in anticipation.

 

"I'm sure you are a softie on the inside." Haseul winked before laughing out loud.

 

Jungeun was beyond flustered. "Why you said it like it's a bad thing!" She towered over the girl, pretending to be mad.

 

"I never said it's anything bad!" Haseul ran away, laughter still flowing out of her.

 

After a few exchange of banters, Jungeun finally managed to convince Haseul to let her walk her home. Jungeun's firm tone while saying ' _if_ _you don't want me to walk you home, then we both have to get on that fierce bike together so that I can drive you back instead_ ' sealed the deal as Haseul waved her white flag, reasoning that riding a motorbike was never for her. Jungeun replied her with ' _maybe you have to reconsider that real soon_ ' coupled with a smirk that made Haseul's cheeks turned into a rosy hue.

 

They were a few turns away from Haseul's apartment when she suddenly froze and her giggles died down in her throat. "What's wrong?" Jungeun asked, concerned by the change in Haseul's expression.

 

"I'm sorry but can you play along." Haseul said in a hushed voice before wrapping her right arm on Jungeun's left one. Jungeun still struggling to get a grasp at the sudden turn of event. The close proximity that they shared were making it even harder for her to think.

 

She felt Haseul shrinking beside her, her free hand pulling on her hoodie so that it hid more of her face. Jungeun just stared at her in confusion. They were walking passed a bar when Jungeun heard of a commotion caused by a small group of people there, possibly drunk. One of the voices was so jarring and stood out to Jungeun. She had to squint harder while scanning the faces of those who littered the front of the bar to find its owner but it was almost impossible due to the lack of lighting.

 

"Oi! Jo Haseul?!" That same voice boomed loudly out of nowhere. "I know that's you!"

 

Jungeun ceased her movement as Haseul pulled them into a stop. A sigh escaped her lips, as if letting go of the silent struggle she had been holding in. Soon after that, Haseul removed herself from Jungeun that the latter frowned at the sudden lack of warmth. "Sorry, but just stay here for now please." Haseul's voice was low and rough.

 

Haseul turned around and inched away from Jungeun. She obliged to Haseul's request and just watched from afar, still fairly on high alert in case something unwarranted happen. "I was right! It's you." Only then Jungeun finally managed to put a face on that voice, it was the same tall girl she bumped into back at Mobius Music. She was grinning, looking all smug as she stopped just in front of Haseul. Jungeun gritted her teeth.

 

"What do you want?" Haseul asked, trying her best not to face the tall girl directly.

 

That made the girl laughed in amusement. "You really gonna use that tone on me?" She snorted. "Oh, what do we have here?" Her eyes landed on Jungeun this time. "Your new girl, huh?" She studied Jungeun from head to toe. "I know you... you are that biker girl!"

 

"Leave her alone, Sooyoung." Haseul was closed to growling. "She is no one."

 

Jungeun felt something boiling inside of her as she saw Sooyoung grabbed on Haseul's wrist, the same way she did before. She could not see clearly as Haseul had her back half facing her, but she knew how much of a discomfort that had caused her from the way Haseul flinched. "You want me to believe that?" Sooyoung met Jungeun's eyes this time.

 

"Soo! Car is here, you coming?!" Another voice interrupted them.

 

Sooyoung rolled her eyes. "Can't you see I'm busy?!" She was visibly annoyed by that.

 

"We really need to go now!"

 

"Fuck, coming!" Sooyoung clicked her tongue. "Shame. We just get to talk." She ran a finger down Haseul's left cheek.

 

"You might wanna lay your hands off her." Jungeun eventually spoke up after witnessing the scene in complete silence since earlier.

 

That definitely riled up the girl. "Or else?" She tried to make an advance towards Jungeun but Haseul stopped her just in time, pulling on her arm to keep her in her place.

 

"Sooyoung, please don't. This is between me and you." Haseul begged with a strained voice. "We will talk later. Please."

 

Sooyoung glanced down at Haseul, still looking dissatisfied. "Consider yourself lucky, pisspot." She spat, glaring at Jungeun's direction. Sooyoung left afterwards, slamming the car's door when she finally got inside.

 

When Haseul got back to her side, Jungeun expected the girl to give her some sort of insight but Haseul barely spared a glance at her as she kept walking. "Let's go." Jungeun thought it would be better to spare Haseul some space so she just followed after her without words. Compared to the comfortable silence they shared before, this one definitely carried a suffocating air around them. "It's here." Haseul came to a standstill before turning around, pointing at the building in front of them. She avoided Jungeun's eyes as much as possible, a forced smile carved on her face.

 

"Are you okay?" Jungeun was debating if it would be appropriate for her to inch closer to Haseul. But at the end, she chose to stay rooted on her position.

 

"Of course!" Jungeun could tell that Haseul was faking that tone. "I'm so sorry about that minor inconvenience. Putting that aside, I had a wonderful night. So... thank you for the dinner and... walking me home." She produced another smile that did not quite reach her eyes.

 

"I had a great time too, so don't mention it." Jungeun simply waved a hand. "Who is that person? She doesn't look very nice to you." She could not hold her curiosity in any longer.

 

Haseul's gaze dropped to the ground. "Nobody important." She drew a sharp breath. "You should go now, it's getting too late. Don't want you to reach home any later than midnight, do we?"

 

"Yeah... I guess..." Jungeun cleared her throat. "Hase-"

 

"Jung-" Haseul spoke up at the same time as Jungeun and it made them flustered.

 

"You first." The younger girl gestured at Haseul.

 

"Um... Jungeun...don't get me wrong but-" She saw Haseul wiped her palms on her jeans in complete nerve. "But I think it will be best for me- not to get too close to you." Haseul still would not meet her eyes and that statement just amplified the pain that Jungeun felt on her chest.

 

"Why?" She managed to whisper out.

 

Haseul shifted her gaze somewhere else. "Because-- that's how it should be." Jungeun wanted to believe that Haseul's glistening eyes had nothing to do with tears. "Get home safely. Good night, Jungeun." She spun on her heel to leave in that instance.

 

"Haseul, wait." Jungeun stopped the girl in her tracks. "Here." She held her hand out, a white material dangling off her fingers. Haseul glanced at Jungeun's hand before finally staring into her eyes, uncertainty coloring her brown orbs. She opened her palm so that Jungeun could drop it there. It was a napkin that Haseul recognized from the restaurant earlier. It did not take Haseul that long to notice a line of numbers written on it. "If you ever need someone, don't hesitate."

 

Haseul just nodded weakly, the sparks in her eyes were long gone. After seconds of deafening silence, Haseul finally walked away leaving Jungeun all by herself. Jungeun stood still as she focused on Haseul's footsteps slowly fading away. She was trying her best to get a better understanding on what had just happened but nothing came to her mind. It was like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. One moment she was on top of the track with her fingers almost touching the sky, all laughing and enjoying the ride. But the next moment she found herself already at the end of the ride, inching closer to an inevitable stop despite her resistance. She did not want it to end. And as much as it was tearing her apart on the inside, she had no other choice but to respect Haseul's request.

 

Haseul's smile.

 

Haseul's laughter.

 

Haseul's voice.

 

Were all she could see and hear inside of her head.

 

"Good night... Haseul." She whispered to no one, only the sound of what she failed to recognize as a heart slowly shattering into pieces accompanying her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos and subscriptions are very much appreciated!


	3. T/HREE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungeun held onto the idea that her broken self was beyond saving like it was final. But then Haseul happened. And so did her desire to save the girl.

#  _"[Like I’m trapped in a maze, I’m just blankly walking](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfu9eqfIHi8)."_

 

 

She exited the bathroom to find her sister sitting by herself on the dining table, eyes fixed on a piece of paper on her right hand. That instantly made her frown, knowing full well of the content written on the sheet. And inaudible sigh escaped her, she made sure to mask her expression before making her way towards the table.

"What you got there?" She tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. Her sister scrambled to hide the notice and she pretended she never saw that.

"Nothing." The young girl answered before digging into her bowl of cereals. It looked soggy, a clear sign that the cereals were drowned in the milk for quite some time.

"Not even a 'good morning' for me?" She leaned over the table, silently asking her sister to meet her eyes but the bowl appeared to be more eye-catching to her.

Her expression remained solemn. "Morning, Seul."

"Morning too, my dear Yeojin." Haseul's tone was sugary. "Frowning so early in the morning is not a good look, Yeoyeo." She reached across the table to pinch on the marshmallow-like cheeks, slowly pulling them upwards to make the girl smile.

Yeojin slapped on her hands half heartedly, disapproving the affectionate gesture. "Don't play with my cheeks like that." She whined which earned a chuckle from Haseul.

"Well, your cheeks are too fluffy. I can't help myself." Haseul explained, the laugh was still very much in her.

"They are not fluffy!" Yeojin shook her body in protest.

Haseul only laughed her heart out louder. "Alright, they are not." She said teasingly. "Now, get moving fast or you gonna be late for school."

"Yes, Haseul." Her sister glared at her, Haseul only stuck her tongue at the girl.

Haseul opened her dresser and tapped a finger on her chin, contemplating on what to wear today. But as her eyes scanned through the piece of clothings lining up in there, she figured it was pointless since 90% of her clothes were made up by either hoodies or flannels. She was not a big fan of dresses and skirts alike, only willing herself to wear them when she was required to. Her everyday outfit was nothing she would boast about, but she much prefer it that way. To prioritize mobility and comfort than the visual appearance. She pulled out a yellow flannel and instantly busying herself to get ready. Yeojin got school in less than 40 minutes.

Haseul saw people slowly flooding the streets, starting their routines for the day. She held onto her sister's hand, making sure that she was walking on the inner side of the pedestrian walk. Her normal routine would be waking Yeojin up for school before getting the breakfast ready while waiting for her sister's best friend, Yerim, to arrive so that Yeojin could walk with her to school. If she had the time, she would complete the house chores. Throwing dirty clothes into the washing machine, cleaning around the house, making Yeojin's bed (that child could be a little messy, maybe she got it directly from Haseul) and prepared lunch for Yeojin and Yerim in advance if the time let her. Then she would be off to work and stayed there for at least nine hours before coming back home. Rinse and repeat.

But less than two weeks ago, she learned that Yerim would be away for an undisclosed personal matter (she looked both troubled and suspicious when she informed Haseul about it) hence leaving no one to keep Yeojin's company until Haseul was done with her shift. Yerim looked apologetic since it would take her awhile to come back but Haseul was quick to dismiss it, that bright girl had done a lot more than what she was supposed to do. Keeping Yeojin's company paid her none, but Yerim still volunteered to do it on her own accord. Haseul did ask if her parents mind it, Yerim only answer was that they were busy with work themselves. Haseul regard Yerim as an angel from above, always smiling and never once she saw the girl being negative. That was how Yerim gained her trust to let Yeojin be in her watch. Haseul could not find any other person to trust Yeojin with since then. Yerim's absence caused Haseul to consider quitting her job, she could always seek for a new one later. Yeojin was forever irreplaceable.

Haseul felt a tug on her hand and she immediately turned to look at her sister. "Haseul..."

She raised an eyebrow. "What is it, Yeoyeo?"

A pout formed on the young girl's face. "You really won't let me join that school trip?"

Haseul was expecting for that topic to come up, but it did not mean that she had a good enough answer prepared. "It's not that I don't wanna let you join it. I just--"

"Can't trust me by myself without Yerimmie around." Yeojin finished off her sentence like she already had it written down on her heart. The girl was nothing but dejected.

"Yeojin..." Haseul tried her best to be reasonable, she understood where Yeojin's frustration originated from. Haseul stopped in her tracks to make her sister face her. "You know I just don't want anything bad to happen to you right?" She cupped on her face gently. Haseul hated being dubbed as overprotective but she really had no other choice.

Yeojin's sulky face pained her but Haseul did not put it on blatant display. "I know..." She croaked. "If it wasn't for my dumb self getting caught by this illness, I could have done everything by myself didn't I? I could have spared you the burden." Her frown was too much for Haseul to handle. This child was too young to be put through such test but Haseul was helpless herself and that fact always made her felt like a total failure.

"Hush now, don't say that." She put a finger on Yeojin's lips. "Don't call yourself dumb, you're far from that. You're the brightest kid around, I know you are." Haseul pulled her into a hug. "And it's not your choice, sweetheart. It just happened. You're never a burden to anyone, especially not to me. So get rid of that thought away as far as you can, hm?" She rocked them left and right.

Haseul heard Yeojin's soft sniffles. "But I'm tired of being unable to do what I want."

"Yeojin, listen." Haseul made sure to look into her eyes, bold and clear. "When we have the chance, I promise to take you on a trip of our own." She said calmly.

That effectively brightened up Yeojin's mood. "Really?" She wiped on her face, tears no more.

"Only if you promise me one thing in advance." Haseul held her index up.

"But why..." Yeojin whined loudly, her feet stomping against the pavement.

"Yeojin." Her tone was strict.

Her sulky face was still there but she finally relented. "Fine, what is it..."

"Promise me you will stay strong and get better, that you will fight and show that you are stronger than anything." Haseul meant every each of them. "And we will go on a trip, _only_ when you get better. So, you have to try your best to do that, promise?" She presented her pinky finger in front of Yeojin, waiting for the younger to take it.

Yeojin kept mum and stared at Haseul's slender digit for what felt like eternity. The girl sighed lightly before wrapping her own pinky around it hesitantly. "I'll try to..."

"What's that? I can't hear you." Haseul pushed her ear forward, tone sarcastic.

"I promise!" This time Yeojin said it louder for Haseul, earning a big grin from the latter.

"That's my sweetheart." She pinched on Yeojin's left cheek before pretending to make a run away from her.

"Haseul!" Her sister groaned out loud.

They continued with their little journey, boarding a crowded bus as Haseul forced Yeojin to take the vacant seat on the middle row. Yeojin wanted the seat for Haseul but the older ignored it, playfully bobbing on Yeojin's cute little nose instead. They got off at their intended stop, along with pack of other students that left the bus almost empty. Walking along the jungle of city for a few more minutes, they finally arrived at Yeojin's school entrance.

"I'll come pick you up later as usual so make sure to be here or I leave you to sleep on the street." Haseul reminded the girl jokingly.

Yeojin scoffed. "As if."

"You think I don't have it in me?" Haseul quirked an eyebrow.

"Obviously you don't." She narrowed her eyes at her big sister.

"You know what? You're right." Haseul laughed, pearls showing. "Now get in there and get your grades together!" She gently pushed the small girl towards the school compound.

Yeojin waved her an enthusiastic goodbye to which Haseul replied with similar energy. Her face fell the moment Yeojin was out of her sight, a quiet sigh left her. It was always tough to pull off the calm demeanour in front of her baby sister but Haseul still willed herself through it whenever it mattered. She rather be greedy and carry everything on her back instead of letting Yeojin have the tiniest taste of it. Haseul wanted Yeojin to have it better than her, to live her life better than her. And better was what Haseul working towards.

The job at Mobius Music paid her well, or well if she was a regular child living in a regular family. But Haseul's definition of family was broken long ago the moment she was left alone to fend to herself and Yeojin. Not that she ever regard Yeojin as a burden, it never crossed her mind. But it sure would be a little less painful if Yeojin's condition did not exist in the picture. Haseul was accepting of it, more daring to own it instead, but it was definitely harder for Yeojin. Haseul could never blame it on her, she dealt with Yeojin's frustration with every ounce of patience she had in her. Haseul would give her all to secure her beloved sister the best.

Ascending the flight of stairs back to her little apartment, Haseul instantly jumped on her feet as she spotted a figure sitting there, dark hair curtained its facial features. She put a hand over her aching chest, trying her best to mask her reaction. It was not long before Haseul heard the person laughed, it sounded weirdly familiar to her.

"You should've seen your face." The figure laughed harder, guffawing almost.

Haseul rolled her eyes. "What are you doing here?" She pointed at the other. "Shouldn't you be at school right now?" Her eyes narrowed.

She snorted. "School is for the weak." When she saw Haseul folding her arms, she instantly added an afterthought. "Except for Yeoyeo."

"I don't think that's how school works, Son Hyejoo." Haseul spoke in a serious tone. "Get your butt there right now. Or do you want me to report this to your mother?" She threatened the girl.

Hyejoo instantly got onto her feet. "No, please don't." She pleaded, rubbing her palms together. "I missed the bus earlier and even if I made it to school they still gonna whoop my ass." Hyejoo tried to gain her sympathy.

Haseul frowned. "Let me guess, you missed your bus because you overslept?"

Hyejoo dropped her gaze. "... Correct."

"And you overslept because you've been staying up all night long playing video games?" The frown changed into a defeated expression.

"... Correct too..." She answered quietly.

"Then why are you here?" Haseul asked.

"I have nowhere else to go... the game arcade won't open until 10. And mom gonna kill me if I show up at the store." Hyejoo seemed to find the floor to be  _that_  interesting. "Just this one time,  _please_."

Haseul just sighed before continuing to be on her way. Unlocking the door, she let Hyejoo in without much question. Haseul got to her daily task and moved around the house to gather any dirty clothing materials. She came into the living room to find the younger girl lounging her couch lazily.

"Maybe you need to cut off with the gaming for a bit, Hyejoo." Haseul said in a persuading manner.

"I know..." She answered immediately. "... but I can't."

Haseul slumped her shoulders, deciding it was not really her place to push the matter on the girl. "How's the store doing?" She changed the topic.

"Um... same old." Hyejoo pondered. "Aka boring."

"Don't disrespect your mother's treasured place like that, Son Hyejoo." Haseul reprimanded her.

"I'm aware, thanks for the reminder Miss Haseul." She pulled a face. "Oh, I just remember something interesting!" Hyejoo exclaimed before fixing her sitting position.

"And that is...?" The older was inspecting a nasty looking napkin she found underneath a cupboard and immediately frowned in disgust.

"Your girlfriend came to visit the store the other day." She announced in a sing sang voice.

Haseul dropped her basket onto the couch lazily. "Uh, did you get that wrong? Because I don't recallhaving any  _girlfriend_." She looked at the girl with confusion.

"Oh, sure you have." Hyejoo smirked. "Y'know... pretty girl with pretty silver hair..."

Realization downed her in an instance. Haseul cleared on her throat forcefully. "She's not my girlfriend..." She mumbled. "When was that exactly?"

"Hm let's see..." The girl threw her head back. "Less than a week ago...? Oh! I remember! The first day you're on leave."

 _So,_   _Jungeun_ _did_ _come_ _back_ _that_ _fast_... "What did she want?" Haseul asked, careful not to show the curiosity nibbling in her.

"Duh, she was looking for you of course." Hyejoo rolled her eyes. "Wanted to thank you or something, lame excuses bla bla. When it's obvious she just wanted to see you." She shrugged. "She looked scary but she's actually not that bad, I liked her."

She ignored the heat creeping up her cheeks. "You  _liked_  her?" Haseul had to ask.

Hyejoo narrowed her eyes at Haseul. "Ew, not like her  _like her_. She's not my type." The disgust was evident on her face. "More like... I aspire to be like her."

Haseul was perplexed. "Aspire to be like her? When you don't even know her?" Absurdity laced her tone. "For all we know, she could be a bad person... or anything like that..."

Hyejoo raised an eyebrow. "What happened to ' _she's very charming, her flustered face was so cute_ '?"

" _Someone_ said all that?" Haseul snickered.

Hyejoo stared at her incredulously. "Yeah, that someone is _you_." She shook her head. "Anyway as I was saying, she's pretty cool. I have a good feeling about this one." She beamed.

"Good feeling on what exactly?" Haseul resumed her task, trying to appear nonchalant.

"I don't know... I just feel like we're gonna see her more often after this." Hyejoo rubbed her chin. "Wait until Yeoyeo meet her, she gonna give instant approval."

"Why you praising her so much... did you two become buddies or what?" Haseul raised an eyebrow. "And I'm afraid that's not gonna happen."

"Aw, come on. Let Yeojin have the sister in law she deserves." Her smirk came back. "Anyway... you can say we spent some _quality_ time together so she is cool in my book." She laughed to herself at the memory, she was expecting for Jungeun to come visit again to beat her up but it never happened.

"Okay, sister in law is kind of reaching now." Haseul then frowned, she felt a weird sensation at the thought of Jungeun being close to someone else.  _Someone that was not her_. "What did you two do actually?"

"Nothing." Hyejoo winked, chuckling to annoy Haseul on purpose. "She did ask for your number though."

Haseul whipped her head to stare at the girl. "Did you give her?"

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." Hyejoo shrugged playfully.

"Seriously?" Hyejoo just laughed like a fool. Haseul huffed. "Whatever, not that I care."  _Lies_.

Hyejoo blinked rapidly. "You're being weird." The younger girl pointed out.

She shook her head eagerly. " _Nothing_ is weird."  _Something was weird_. 

After a couple of hours, Haseul finally,  _successfully_ , kicked Hyejoo out of her house, having dodging every single attack of questions from the girl and her obvious intention to gush Jungeun up. Haseul pretended not to buy whatever that was thrown at her. But reality was it had gotten more harder for her to get Jungeun out of her mind.  _It was all Hyejoo's fault._

Haseul took a seat at the edge of her bed, her hand trembled slightly as she pulled open her drawer. Her eyes graced a bright white piece of clothing, one that she still kept safe despite not knowing what was the right choice to her next course of action. She reached out and unfolded it slowly, it was not like she stared at it everyday to have the line of numbers stored at the back of her memory.  _Or maybe she unconsciously did._ Her thumb caressed on the stain of marker gently, she did not recall Jungeun jotting it down over dinner. _When_ _did_ _she_ _find_ _the_ _time_ _to_ _do_ _that?_

Haseul sighed faintly. As much as she hated it, maybe Hyejoo had a point.

Maybe Jungeun was not that bad (not that she ever thought she was anything like that).

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"[Like a fool, I’m thinking of you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNcBZM5SvbY)."[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNcBZM5SvbY)_

 

 

Her eyes scanned around the table wildly, that was a lot of colours to take in at once. "I thought we're having some dessert, not a full on course." She raised a brow at her friend seated across her.

The other chuckled lightly, face turning into a puppy like look. "I figured since we're already here so might as well." A shrug was presented to her.

"Remind me again what are we celebrating exactly?" She tilted her head.

Her friend sighed. "I'm supposed to be the older one here, Seul." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, this is to celebrate me getting some major bonus after that little festival." Kahei gave her a playful wink. "Miss Jung was so happy, you have no idea."

"Ah, right. You told me the other day." Haseul knocked on her own head faintly. Kahei had specifically asked her to make some time today. Not that Haseul had anything important in her schedule to begin with, but it somehow still required Kahei to give her another reminder. Her best friend since college got her confused the moment she pulled up in front of this dessert place since it looked nothing like what Haseul was accustomed to. It was grand-ish and screamed 'heaven for overpriced desserts'. But Kahei seemed so excited that Haseul had no heart to reject her request. "Anyway, congrats Kahei! I'm glad it went well for you." Her smile was so wide.

"Thank you!" Kahei sing sang playfully. "I really wanted Yeojin to come along but since she got school and I have to fly to Hong Kong tonight--"

"Fly to Hong Kong?" The other girl seemed a little surprised that she cut Kahei off in the middle of her mini speech.

"Huh? Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you that." Kahei exclaimed. "It's work, they want me to help monitor the sub-label there so yeah... and I'll be staying with my parents I guess. I haven't been home for quite some time..." She trailed off.

Haseul looked at her with cautious eyes. "How long will you be there?"

Kahei seemed to take her time with that question. "Probably a week? Two at tops." She shrugged.

"I hope you can make the most out of it." Haseul reached over the table to squeeze on Kahei's warm hand. Her best friend was doing amazing with her job, it made her both happy and envious at the same time. Haseul could not turn her dream into reality just yet, but seeing Kahei achieving so much was enough to conceal her own disappointment.

"I hope so too." The Chinese girl gave her a small smile. "But anyway, enough about that. There's another reason why _I_ willingly spend big today." Kahei wiggled her eyebrows.

Haseul eyed her weirdly. "What is it?" She narrowed her eyes. "Are you getting married?" Haseul laughed.

"I don't even have a candidate--" Kahei huffed, struggling to recompose herself. "Anyway, no. It's about _you_." Her index was directed at Haseul.

"What about me...?" Haseul blinked rapidly.

"Remember I told you that Miss Jung was so happy with how that festival went?" Kahei leaned forward.

"Yeah... and...?" Confusion was written all over her face.

"So, she took notice of a few contestants with real potentials. And guess what? You, Jo Haseul, is among them." Her smile grew wider. "You caught her attention the most so she decided to offer you a deal."

"Wait, wait. What deal?" Everything was too much for Haseul to digest.

"Hear me out." Kahei gave her a signal to let her finish first. "She wants your voice for our OSTs project." The glee in Kahei's body language was so prominent.

Haseul stayed mum despite all that, looking very much stunned by the big news. So many things ran wild at the back of her head, but this particular prospect had never crossed her. It felt too surreal, like she just landed herself on the moon.

"Seul?" Kahei patted on the back of her palm twice to pull her back. "So, what do you say?"

"I..." Haseul swallowed down her saliva roughly. "... I don't know, Kahei..." It was clear that she was yet to recover from the initial shock.

Kahei widened her eyes. "What do you mean you don't know?" She blinked a couple of times and gave it another try. "Haseul, I know this is probably too much for you so I'm not gonna make you decide this instant."

"No, I mean... how...?" Her voice turned into a hush.

"You asked me how?" Kahei was baffled. "It's because you are _that_ talented, Haseul. One has to be out of their mind if they can't see that." She said with eagerness.

Haseul felt her cheeks and eyes turned warm, too tongue-tied to say anything coherent in return. It took her a minute to voice her thought again. "But I don't know if I can do this..."

Kahei stared at her with cloudy eyes. "Jo Haseul..." She called out her name softly. "Don't ever doubt yourself like that. I know this is not the most ideal scenario for you but it's still a step forward towards your long time dream." She articulated her points thoughtfully. "You always put others ahead of you, give yourself a chance for once."

Haseul brown orbs were glossy. "I want to focus on Yeojin for no--"

"See? That's exactly what I'm saying." Kahei gave her no room to finish, huffing quietly to calm herself. "Listen, as I said before, I'm not gonna force you into making any decision now. I'll convince Miss Jung to wait, I'm sure she won't mind. Take your time and tell me whenever you are ready. Okay?" She offered her best friend a warm smile, fluttering her eyelashes playfully to make it less tensed.

Haseul slowly mirrored Kahei's smile before breaking into a tiny grin afterwards. "Okay." Her answer was brief but firm.

"That's more like it. I can't believe you always make me work extra harder everytime." The older shook her head. "Now, these desserts have been waiting for us long enough." Her fingers found themselves around a pink cupcake. "Look at how pretty this is." She cooed at the food before finally taking a bite from it. "We gotta box some of these for Yeoyeo."

Haseul laughed at the sight, silently agreeing at how pretty both the pink cupcake and pink Kahei were looking. She was forever thankful for Wong Kahei's existence, she was a pillar that Haseul never deserved but totally needed. "So, Kahei..."

"Hm?" The girl hummed, mouth still full with sweet course.

"When you say you have no candidate, that's a lie isn't it?" Haseul sent a smug smile at her.

Kahei choked on her food. "Not this topic..." She threw her head to the back dramatically.

"Come on, you're lying right?" Haseul ignored that and pressed further.

"Nope, I'm not." Kahei continued to dodge. "Maybe we should talk about _you_ instead. Found anyone _special_ yet?" She smiled devilishly.

That question should carry no threat for Haseul but for unknown reason, a particular person popped in her mind without warning and it sent her into a daze.

"Oh... so you do have someone huh?" Kahei pointed an accusing finger at her.

"No, I don't." Haseul looked away.

"Yes, you do. Tell me." Kahei did not give up. "Tell me or I'll make you pay for all this instead." She gestured at the table.

"Kahei!"

"Haseul!" She mirrored Haseul. "Come on! I'm your best friend, don't I?" Kahei pouted exaggeratingly.

"I--" Haseul avoided making any sort of eye contact with Kahei. "It's a long story."

Kahei looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "Don't worry, we still got time." Her expression turned back into a teasing one.

Haseul drew in a very deep breath, contemplating on sharing her tricky situation with Kahei.

It took her long enough, with Kahei waiting patiently while devouring the desserts in front of them one by one, but she eventually decided it won't hurt to open up to someone.

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"[You appear and disappear and it repeats](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRXV4fQTTmo)."[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRXV4fQTTmo)_

 

 

The petite figure was busy scanning through a documented text, narrowing her eyes at the complex figures and charts every now and then. She got a small scale event upcoming this weekend and being the director of events she was, she needed to make sure that everything was intact according to plan and the possibilities for any mishap to happen was close to zero. Regardless of the size, she could not afford to risk any safety measure being loose.

Her concentration was broken by her assistant and it visibly annoyed her to no end. "Miss Park, someone is here for you."

She gritted on her teeth. "I told you I don't want any sort of interference right now." A harsh huff escaped her lips.

Her assistant definitely felt her rage. "B- but it's--"

"It's me, Jung Jinsoul." A third voice boomed across the open space and it had her turn on her heels.

A smile made its way onto her face almost instantly. "Oh, why hello there. What a pleasant surprise to see you here." After giving it a silent consideration, she cleared her throat. "Minju, inform Mr. Ha that I'll finish with this by tomorrow. For now... I have a guest to entertain." She ordered her assistant calmly, quite the opposite of her behaviour from earlier. "And that will be all for today."

"Noted, Miss Park." The girl bowed a bit before taking her leave.

After they were left alone, she looked around the pit and gestured for Jinsoul to take a seat on the couch at one corner. "Is the world ending?" She started.

"What are you talking about?" Jinsoul stared at her in confusion.

"For you to actually grace this place with your presence, it must be a world class issue." She rested her back against the couch, barely containing a small yawn from escaping. Her job drained her so much.

"I can't visit my own bff now?" Jinsoul tilted her head.

"You don't usually come visit me here." She paused for a bit. "Actually scratch that, you never visited me anywhere. Not even when I broke my arm and was hospitalized for like a week. Sheesh." She hissed loudly. " _Bff_ my ass."

"Hey, I was there okay?" Jinsoul brought her arms in front of her in a defensive manner.

"Yeah, that was after your _favorite_ Jungeun literally dragged your ass there." The smaller blonde rolled her eyes. "You only hit me up when you're in a desperate need of a drinking buddy."

"Aw, someone's jelly." She cooed. "Chaewon, we don't let that kind of sentiment to affect our definition of bff okay? Once bffs, always bffs." Jinsoul smiled widely.

"Whatever, that still stands." Chaewon slumped further into the couch, she was considering on taking a short nap. "Now, just go straight to the point yeah?"

"Fine... it's about... Jungeun..." The older one nibbled on her lip absentmindedly, her fingers playing with each other against her lap.

Chaewon smiled with her eyes closed. "Totally  _did not_ see that coming. _At all_."

"Why you sound like you have something against her?" Jinsoul glared at the girl but it did no malice with her eyes sealed shut.

"I don't know... maybe I still have some unfinished business with her." She shrugged. "Doesn't matter. What about Jungeun?"

Jinsoul was silent after that, the girl appeared to be in a deep thought. "She goes MIA again... been like two days..." She announced quietly. "I thought I'd find her here though..."

Chaewon peeled her eyes open, moving her head so that she could look at Jinsoul. "Have you try to reach her?"

"What do you take me as?" Jinsoul stared at the girl, face perplexed. "Of course I did. She won't answer her goddamn phone." She proceeded to pout.

"Her house?" Chaewon continued to probe.

"Park Chaewon, stop asking unintelligent questions like that." Jinsoul sighed. "She's not there. And before you ask, I did try both day and night."

"Where did she go now..." The younger muttered under her breath. "But you know... this is not the first time she pulls this sort of stunt." She met Jinsoul's eyes again.

"And? Are you suggesting we shouldn't worry about it at all?" Her volume got louder.

Chaewon waved her hands to dismiss that. "Chill, will you?" She squinted her eyes. "I'm just saying that it's not out of ordinary for Jungeun to go MIA. And whenever she do that, she always come back. Safe and sound."

"But Chaechae..." The older girl whined. "I don't feel good at all this time. I trust my gut feelings _a lot_."

The other slumped into the couch again. "Give me a reason why I should join you and start worrying about this."

"Are you serious?" A hand swatted on her shoulder lightly. "I can give you more than one. First, she is your best friend. Second, you know her condition."

"Third?" Chaewon asked lazily.

"Third." Jinsoul's voice turned dark. "The _anniversary_ is coming up." She spoke quietly.

"Anniversary--" Chaewon was about to verbalize her question when it hit her. "Oh..." Silence took over them afterwards. Jinsoul had so many things running in her head, mostly consisting of unpleasant scenarios while Chaewon was having an internal fight with herself, could not quite believe that she almost forgot about one thing that scarred her best friend for life. "Soul..." After some interval, she spoke again.

"Hm?" Jinsoul turned to look at her with worried eyes.

"Do you think... she's gonna be there?" Her voice was careful. "I mean, remember last time?"

The blonde closed her eyes before she released a shaky breath. "I hope not."

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"[Willing to get closer to the sun, flapping of the burnt wings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIDe-yTxda0)."_

  **A/N: Suicidal implications ahead (in the next TWO parts, could be considered minimal but just in case), proceed with caution/at your own risk**

 

 

**_Darkness closer than a friend._ **

One of her feet dove into the pool of freezing water.

_**For the light is too much for oneself to bear.  
** _

Another one joined in.

**_What purpose does oneself serve?_ **

She slowly let her feet to sink deeper into the coldness.

**_When oneself's only deed was to inflict pain on others?_ **

Evident white mist left her trembling lips.

**_What purpose does a beating heart have?_ **

Both her hands sift through the engulfing liquid, letting it glide in between her bony fingers.

**_When each thump spreads nothing but piercing numbness?_ **

Surge of sore took over her sense.

**_Light exists because darkness exists._ **

Eyelids came to a close as her all shivered.

**_Light for oneself, no more._ **

Flashes of memories invaded her, some were of her smiling, some were of her at her lowest points, some were of her that she wished to never exist and some were of her that she could not tell of their authenticity.

**_Is this it?_ **

Her feet were soaked in the water long enough for her to feel none even when she jiggled her fingers with much intensity. Unknown warmth crept upon her bottom eyelids, tickling on them while begging for her to release a drop or two but she swallowed everything back down.

**_Is this worth it?_ **

She craned her neck so that her vision was filled with the muted grey sky. Her breath dwindled down to a slow, the freezing water seeping through her chest.

**_A second chance is never too far if oneself bother to let the light shines through._ **

That voice was foreign to her. So _foreign_ that it poked her consciousness _._ That was not the same whisper that had kept her company for years. She turned around and found no one on the shore and no one in the water too, it was her and only her in the vicinity. She began to wonder if the voice of enlightenment was real.

**_Light will reveals the path and guide oneself over._ **

It was tough but she chose to believe it was.

~

The memorial was deserted, clashing with her chaotic and frenzied mind. That surely was not a good combination.

Jungeun stared at the torn photograph, her 16 years old self was staring back at her with a smile she could not taste on her lips anymore. The only other figure seen was of her mother, memories of her were blurry in Jungeun's reel. A tiny portion of the photo was missing, leaving one last person in it faceless. Years went by and Jungeun barely remembered any sort of distinctive features the person used to own.

Either her brain was failing her.

Or she _chose_ to delete those fragments at her own will.

Her cellphone vibrated again in her pocket but Jungeun paid it no attention. They would get tired of trying to reach out to her, eventually. Jungeun folded the piece along the deep ingrained creases before setting it to crush in her firm hold. Her forearms met her thighs and her head dipping at that. The sorrow was back to take her into a pit hole she barely escaped before. The cycle trapped her, leaving her stuck closer to her demon.

Her outer shell was unconvincing but she scrapped enough to deceive whoever that crossed her path. Professionals told her that her memories were broken seconds prior to the crash, that she had no exact recollection of the event for her to rule herself of the guilt. The haunting nightmares were her own creation they said, Jungeun believed it for a second.

They were too vivid for her to ignore, more and _more_ revealed to her each time. She could not understand the pain properly and it only result in her to be further drowned. If there was one thing that Jungeun was certain of, it would be of every single anecdote that lead up to her tragedy.

Jungeun was never a sadist all her life. But she thought the unfortunate occurrence was justifiable.

Hand sneaked past her layer of clothings, she hissed as cold fingers made a direct contact with the scar down her abdomen. If Jungeun ever doubted the fate, that bold and pronounced mark always served as a physical reminder that everything was real.

That her pitiful excuse of an existence was _real_.

_She descended the stairs one by one, light thud was heard at every step. She hated how much this trivial action emphasized the emptiness of their homongous household but there was very little she could do about it. Scanning around, she immediately spotted her mother by the dining table. All by herself._

_Passing a heavy sigh off her lips, she made way to approach the lone figure. "Where's dad?" Her voice hoarse from the lack of usage all day long._

_Her mother jumped slightly at that. "Jungeun." She addressed her quietly. "Why aren't you sleeping yet? It's half past 11." A hand reached out to Jungeun and she only stared at it for a solid half minute. Sensing her hostility, the old woman retreated slowly and settled for a soft smile instead._

_"I can't sleep." Jungeun rubbed on her eyes, clearly exhausted._

_The smile was still there. "Nervous for tomorrow?"_

_"Maybe." She shook the thought away for later. "Are you waiting for him?" She did not have the intention to forgo her initial curiosity._

_The way her mother had been avoiding her eyes did not go unnoticed by her. "Yes, he will be a little late."_

_"A little late." Jungeun repeated, almost laughing. "What is he doing out this late?"_

_"Do not speak of your dad in such tone, Jungeun." Her mother reprimanded her. "He... got some work to do."_

_"Are we sure it's work..." She mumbled under her breath. "He remembers about tomorrow, doesn't he?"_

_"Yes, Jungeun dear. I already remind him earlier." The woman directed a look at her._

_"I don't mind him not being there." Jungeun said monotonously. "But gramp won't like that one bit and disappointing him is the last thing I ever wish for."_

_Her mother let out a soft sigh. "He will be there." This time, she ignored everything and grabbed onto Jungeun's cold palm. "For you."_

_"Anything you say." Her hand stayed limp. "I'm going to bed. You should too, mom. Don't stay up too late."_

_"I will be in a bit. You go ahead." She rose up from the seat and engulfed Jungeun's frame in a loose hug. "Good night, Jungeun."_

_It caught her off guard for a moment, but she later took her mother into a tight embrace. "Good night, mom." A light kiss was placed on her cold temple and Jungeun let go of her mother with a small smile._

_Jungeun brought the leftover scent and warmth back with her to bed._

_~_

_Jungeun tapped her foot against the pavement in a restless pace, her patience was running thin. She glanced at the exposed front door, still no sign of either of her parents. "Mom! Dad! We are going to be late!" A scream to get them going. "For heaven's sake." She huffed to herself._

_"Coming, honey." Her mother was the first one to emerge, all dressed up for the occassion._

_Jungeun cracked one door open for her mother to settle in the backseat. "He's taking forever." The blonde complained. "I should've just hitch a ride with Jongdae earlier." Frustration slowly nibbling inside her._

_A few minutes later, with hair crumpled and two buttons undone, Jungeun's old man finally appeared. "Sorry, took me a bit there." He climbed onto the front passenger hastily. Jungeun bit down on her lower lip to refrain from making any unnecessary comment. She joined her parents in the car seconds later, nearly locking herself with the seatbelt when his voice boomed again. "Oh God, I forgot my wallet and phone." He tapped a palm on his forehead._

_"Seriously now?" Jungeun half yelled, her patience was threading on a thin line._

_"I'll be quick." He reached out to unbuckle himself but Jungeun stopped him just in time._

_"You stay here, I'll go grab them." She ordered. Knowing her father, it would take him double the time. "Where do you put them?"_

_There was a moment of hesitance flashing behind his eyes. "On the dresser." His voice was low._

_Jungeun jogged upstairs, turning on a corner and went through the hallway before reaching her parents' bedroom. Her eyes fell onto the dresser and she instantly spotted the items resting there. She breathed loudly through her nose and lunged forward to grab them. The cellphone buzzed the moment Jungeun had her fingers wrapped around it. She unlocked it without much thought, unaware of the pandora box she was holding onto._

 

 

> _From: Kim Jiwoo_  
>  _Ma don't look so good. I don't mean to pressure you but I hope you'll be here asap. She needs you, dad._

_Her hand shook violently, fingers almost crushing the poor object at her growing rage. A complete unknown to her was addressing her father as 'dad', she felt sick. Another buzz snapped her thinking process and Jungeun was left staring at the big bold 'Kim Jiwoo' flashing on the screen. Hesitant thumb hovered over the green button before she finally let it came in contact with the said button. No face to the name, yet Jungeun felt nothing less than disgust for the person. She brought the device to her right ear, anticipating for any sort of sound to greet her hearing._

_"Dad?"_

_That foreign voice belonged to a girl. Very foreign. Jungeun stay muted._

_"Dad, I'm sorry this is probably not the right time. But m- ma--"_

_She broke down into tears. Jungeun felt dizzy._

_"Doctor said sh- she is getting--- worse."_

_This could not be happening. Jungeun felt something clenching at the base of her stomach._

_"Dad-"_

_She heard enough. Jungeun disconnected the call, struggling to get her brain wrapped around the sickening finding. There was no way this was real, this had to be a joke. Suspicion and speculation had always been there, at the back of her mind. Many times Jungeun failed to conceal it and ended up announcing her idea. But this, this was too much for her to handle. To finally confirm her theory was a whole different story, it hit her raw and jarring. Her father was never the man Jungeun believed he was._

_The drive was silent and torturing with Jungeun trying her best to swallow everything down. But she could not ignore the presence beside her, twisting and flinching in his seat every now and then. Jungeun hated that she was aware of the reason why._

_"Jungeun honey, is everything okay?" A hand touched her shoulder carefully from behind, concern was evident in her mother's voice._

_"Yes, mom. Everything... is okay." Her grip on the wheel was so tight that her knuckles turned white in return. Jungeun was thankful that she did not waver verbally._

_"Drive carefully, honey. No need to rush." Her mother gave her a reminder. Jungeun just nodded, not trusting herself to speak._

_Moments passed when a loud ringing replaced the silence, Jungeun saw her father ignoring the incoming call from the corner of her eyes. "Why aren't you picking that up?" She could not hold that in._

_"It's nothing important." He said quietly. A lie. Jungeun hated being lied at. Anger building up in her again, foot adding more pressure to the pedal._

_It was another soundless moment except for the faint music playing from the stereo. Jungeun was trying her best to maneuver the vehicle, letting it cruise in a steady speed. The road was exceptionally clear as they were headed towards the outskirt of the city, sun reflected on the river beneath the bridge they were on._

_That was when the same ringtone broke everything apart._

_'Kim Jiwoo' pulled the trigger in Jungeun. "You need to pick that up." She breathed out loudly._

_"It's not im--"_

_"Pick that up!" Jungeun took one hand off the steering and went for the device but her father's resistance came just as fast._

_"What are you doing?!" The old man yelped at Jungeun's increasing berserk._

_The car began to sway uncontrollably, screaming and shouting top one another in alarming pace. Jungeun lost the balance in her footing and it caused the SUV to accelerate further. "Jungeun! Watch out!" Her mother's voice was the last thing she registered in her audio memory as a deafening bang took over her senses._

_Everything was a painful blur to her afterwards. Jungeun saw a figure approaching her side for milliseconds, face frantic and pale. She thought she heard endless 'what have I done' from the person. She croaked a meek 'help' but her body could not hold on any longer._

_White greet her vision soon after._

_~_

_It was still white when she opened her eyes again. Jungeun felt numb all over. Other than her eyes, she could barely move around. She heard a low gasp before shuffles of feet echoing throughout the space next. "Oh God, you're awake. Chae, get the doctor quick."_

_Warm hand squeezed hers as her vision fell on her awaiting best friend. Jungeun tried to speak but then realized there was something trapping the lower part of her face. She pulled it off despite Jinsoul's interference. "Where am I?" Her throat was so dry that her voice came out strange. She still found it hard to get her limbs to work._

_"Don't move." Jinsoul stopped her from wriggling. "You're in the hospital." She answered briefly._

_"Hospital?" Her head swam in a chaotic pattern. "Why?" She might ripped her vocal cord sooner or later._

_"Wait, you need to drink." Jinsoul scrambled to pour a glass of plain water before helping Jungeun up just enough to wet her throat. Letting the empty glass to rest atop of the bedside table with a clink, the girl then sat near the edge of the bed. "You don't remember?" She whispered._

_Jungeun shut her eyes for a moment, rewinding whatever was left to jog her memory. "I shouldn't be here... I should... be on the circuit right now..." That somehow unlocked her muscles that Jungeun finally sprang up from the bed. "It's my pro debut."_

_"Jungeun, no." The older put a hand on her shoulder to keep her still, head shaking weakly. "It's over." Sorrow filled her eyes and it was all maze for Jungeun._

_"What do you mean?" Confusion was eating her raw._

_"You..." Jinsoul swallowed down her saliva thickly. "You've been sleeping for six days."_

_~_

_The wheelchair came to a halt in front of two set of tombstones, harsh wind hitting her face without mercy. "We'll leave you here for a bit." Jinsoul's voice entered her hearing. "Let's go, Jongdae." Jungeun felt a light squeeze on her shoulder before she was left all alone there._

_Alone._

_Save for Jongdae, Jungeun was left alone._

_Everything was taken away from her in blink of an eye. Her mother, her father, her happiness, her physicality._

_Her dream._

_Her parents gone upon impact, leaving Jungeun severely wounded. She took a blunt knock on her head, resulting in zero memory of the unfateful event for her. She should be grateful really, but instead Jungeun was swallowed by hollow and worthlessness._

_Diagnosed to be temporary paralyzed waist down, it further devastating and damaging her. Her dream career jeorpadized before it had the chance to begin. Grandfather would be so disappointed in her, so did her mother._

_Jungeun let her eyes to rest on the names carved on the stones, one gave no effect but the other totally broke her._

Jungeun grieved for her mother, but never for her father. The grudge she carry was too big to forget. It weigh down on her shoulders ever since.

"You really have no shame, don't you?" Her voice raspy.

The figure facing the opposite direction beside her snickered at the accusation. "Shame of what exactly?"

Jungeun smiled bitterly. "But have the audacity to play innocent."

"I don't understand a thing you say." The other looked away.

"You have no right to be here." Her fingers curled into a fist.

There was a pause followed by a silent sigh. "I have the right to be here as much as you do."

"No, you don't." Her anger seeping through.

"He's my fath--"

"Bullshit." Before it reached her ears, she cut her off.

_Jongdae guided her into a spacious office room, she wished for anything but to be here. Jungeun instantly recognized Mr. Yoo, the attorney, sitting readily at one of the couches. One unfamiliar face caused her to have a second thought._

_Jungeun pulled on Jongdae's sleeve, beckoning him to bend over. "Are you sure we're at the right place?" It was pointless to ask since Mr. Yoo was literally there, but Jungeun just had to make sure._

_A timid nod from Jongdae. "Yes, we are." He patted on Jungeun's stiff shoulder to reassure her._

_Jungeun studied the stranger's face, she was looking no older than her. Probably around the same age as her. Jongdae settled on the right side of Mr. Yoo after setting Jungeun directly in front of the latter. "Good day, Mr. Kim Jongdae and Miss Kim Jungeun." Mr. Yoo greeted politely. "Now that everyone is here, I reckon we can start right away."_

_"Yes, please." Jongdae answered in a low voice._

_Jungeun still had her eyes on the quietest person in the room, slowly nodding to signal her own permit. Something about this girl was off, Jungeun really had a bad feeling about her. The way the girl was sitting restlessly was not of a help either._

_Mr. Yoo began reading their father's will, bits were simplified to keep it brief and on point. Jongdae's share was expected, with their father's company and small-scale private healthcare being the main pivots trusted to him. Jungeun had her own share in those but contest was already in her from the very beginning, she wanted nothing to do with her father anymore. As much as the healthcare was no business but pure deed, Jungeun still refused to have any relation to it. Unlike Jongdae, Jungeun was never one to follow after their father's footsteps. He was trustable and responsible enough to carry the task, enough to accomplish everything that Jungeun was not._

_The trigger in her was activated again, just as Mr. Yoo put a name to the stranger's face. "Now onto Mr. Kim Junsu's third child, Miss Kim Jiwoo." A name she would never forget, a name she would forever loathed. Jungeun felt her inside swirled._

_Jungeun looked up again, this time eyes full of hatred and pure detest. "So, it's you." Her growl caused Mr. Yoo to stop with job at hand. All eyes instantly fell onto Jungeun._

_"Is there anything wrong, Miss Jungeun?" She sensed nerve behind Mr. Yoo's tone, it was enough to tell that that question was an unneeded improvisation._

_"Everything is." A snarl fuelled by anger. "You." She pointed a finger at Jiwoo. "You killed my mom." Her hand shook violently._

_Jiwoo was nothing but confusion. "I'm sorry?"_

_"You killed my mom!" Her face flushed. Jungeun clasped on the right side of her head, a pound creeping onto her. "I want out." She said through gritted teeth. "Get me out of here!" Her brother rushed to her side to check on her. "I don't want to be in the same room as her." Warm tears brimming at the edge of her reddened eyelids. "Get me the hell out of here."_

"That's not very nice, Jungeun." Another voice suddenly chimed in, it was familiar yet so distant to her.

Jungeun turned around, her boots thudding. "You siding with her now, Jongdae?" Her brother looked different, Jungeun could not pinpoint of the exact change. Maybe he just lost some weight.

"I'm not siding with anyone." He said briefly.

"What has gotten into your head?" Eyes narrowed in question. "Or have you been casted a spell by this girl too?" Jungeun was quick to shift her gaze towards the back of the girl's head. "Just like what her mother did to dad."

"Don't you dare talk about my mom like that!" The gap between them suddenly disappeared. A finger afloat in front of Jungeun, almost jabbing at her left chest. "Insult me all you want but keep my mom out of your filthy slanders." The way her teeth gritting so tightly was enough to showcase her wrath.

"Slander." Jungeun made sure to hold onto the eye contact. "Can it be consider as one if it's the _truth_?" Her face was flushed in fury. Glimpse of tears on the other's eyes was a trophy to Jungeun.

"Jungeun!" Jongdae wrapped his strong fingers around her arm, trying to pull her away from the scene. "This is not yo--"

"Let go." She yanked her arm forcefully, surprise instantly coloring her brother's orbs.

Her silver hair bobbed along as she spun on her heel. "The world doesn't revolve around you alone." The girl spoke up just before Jungeun started to walk away, voice at the verge of breaking.

Jungeun's gaze lowered to the ground. "You right." An ironic laugh escaped her hurtful lungs. "I don't exist to this world anymore." She picked up her pace, aiming to distance herself as far as possible.

"Jungeun, where are you going?!" Came a belated concern from Jongdae.

"Don't bother." That was final.

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"[Inside the darkness, at the end of the road, will we able to meet?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6JmCdDs_GM)"_

**A/N: Suicidal implications ahead, proceed with caution/at your own risk**

 

 

Haseul patted on the duvet softly, helping Yeojin to get comfortable as much as she could. Exhaustion was there on her sister's face, her tiny frame was weak against the mattress. Haseul could feel her heart breaking at the sight. "I told you it's okay to miss that nature club meeting." She put a hand on Yeojin's forehead, it was warm. "Why are you so stubborn?"

"I got to learn more about snails today..." Her volume was so quiet. "Can we get one later?"

Haseul stared at her sister droopy eyes. "Maybe..." She forced a smile on her face. "We'll decide about that later. You just had meds so get some rest first for now okay?" Her palm brushed against Yeojin's hair. Yeojin felt a little too warm than normal so Haseul decided to place a wet cloth on her forehead to help reduce it.

She got on her feet slowly, a sad smile directed at her sleeping sister. Deep down, Haseul could tell that her sister's health had seen a better day. Her condition weakened bit by bit lately. She consider on seeking for professional's advice but she knew it would cost a lot once they actually get to it. Maybe she should give Kahei's offer a chance. She sighed silently, a lot to think about.

She did not shut the door fully, feeling the need to check on Yeojin every now and then. The couch dipped beneath her as Haseul plopped herself there, she planned on only taking naps in between. Thumb scrolling on her cellphone lazily, not many interesting things that could actually keep her occupied. She threw the device away in favour of a remote control before browsing through the available channels. Her little effort only lasted for a few minutes, the cellphone found itself back in Haseul's tiny grasp. A train of thought hit her and Haseul instantly visit her contact. Her thumb was shaking lightly as she pondered on her intention. She lost count on how many times she repeated that particular line of numbers to the point that she memorized it better than her own. The sight of 'Kim Jungeun' caused her heart to race, beating loudly against her ribcage.

Haseul dismissed it as a mere infactuation at first, Jungeun was a stunning figure that crossed her path by chance. But something about Jungeun caused a veil of safety to wrap her around, a feeling that was lost to her since long ago. Maybe it's the way Jungeun smiled softly at her, or the way Jungeun listened to her rambling tentatively, or maybe the way Jungeun subtly stood up to protect her. Or maybe, just _maybe_ , _that_ was what Jungeun willingly offered to her that she consciously rejected without  sparing  any explanation at the end.

Haseul could not pose a lie to herself, she regretted that night with all her might. The memory of a crushed hope reflected behind Jungeun's eyes still haunt her up to this minute. If she could rewind it, she would so do it. Would it be too late to apologize? Would Jungeun spare her another opportunity at their little friendship? She believed she had hypnotized herself into thinking that there was a possibility for that.

Else, Jungeun would never hand over the white napkin to her at all wouldn't she?

~

Darkness slowly diminished the moment she opened her eyes again. Hand was grasping on the accelerator tightly, rotating it repeatedly to get her motorbike to roar loudly. The noise echoed around the deserted road, bouncing back into her own hearing at every roar.

It was not a split second decision, it took her years to finally come to this. To finally call it an _end_. She could not contain it within her any longer, her demon had totally took control of her.

Kim Jungeun was no more.

Jungeun released the brake and steered the motorbike to glide against the cold tar in an abrupt and rapid acceleration. Dust and smoke combined, leaving white clouds to trail behind her. Every inch of her muscle tensed up and her resolve had her sanity fully blocked.

The traffic light was blaring red but Jungeun ignored it. A string of horn smashes from a truck was heard then, getting constantly louder at each passing second. And instead of backing off, Jungeun pushed her motorbike to move faster.

There was no turning back now.

 _Here, here comes the wind_  
_Your and my Paris_  
_It's coming, can you see it?_

Jungeun lost the control over her Honda, causing it to wobble frantically. Her grip on the handles slipping away.

 _We are shining_  
_What fills you and I aren't just moon_  
_If you are white, that's a lie_

Both Jungeun and the two wheeled vehicle tumbled down onto the road, sliding harshly with momentum and resulted in blinding sparks to emerge.

 _What you are stepping on is my overfilled heart_  
_Say nothing_  
_I'm a grown up you know_

Her cellphone catapulted onto the ground, lighting up at a new text message from an unknown number in her inbox. Seconds after, Jungeun's body came to an abrupt stop as she layed there face down. No sign of motion coming from the black cladded rider.

 

 

> From: Unknown  
>  hey Jungeun?

The device continue to receive stream of notifications, light act as a signal of each arrival.

But darkness eventually reclaimed Jungeun's entire being, welcoming her back without mercy.

**TBC.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who still stick around to read this, thanks a lot <3  
> Follow me @lipseulite on twitter, let's be mutuals :)


	4. F/OUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungeun held onto the idea that her broken self was beyond saving like it was final. But then Haseul happened. And so did her desire to save the girl.

#  _"[You're the dejavu that wakes me up.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEOCbFJjRw0)"_

 

 

A figure was rushing down the crowded hallway, almost knocking off everything that happened to be in her path. She eventually came to a stop, slamming her hands against the counter desk. "Kim Jungeun." Her tone was hasty. "Make it fast." She ordered firmly.

The nurse assigned behind the counter looked surprised for a moment but she recovered just as fast. After a quick browse, she met her eyes again. "Room 255. Go down this way and take a right. It should be—"

She did not wait for the nurse to finish and instead, power walking towards her next destination, leaving her companion to step up to the counter. "Sorry about that. She's panicking." Her face apologetic. "Thanks so much by the way." She smiled awkwardly. "Soul! Slow down!" Her feet were forced to work harder to catch up with Jinsoul.

The number 255 was making her heart beating like mad and nearing the edge of combusting. Blood was drained out of her, causing her face to appear even paler than it already was. With a shaky and numb hand, Jinsoul pushed the door open. Her eyes found silver on the bed without further ado and her body trembled.

"What were you thinking?!" Her yell contained so much frustration. Chaewon closed the door just in time to prevent Jinsoul's loud voice from leaking uncontrollably into the hallway.

"Jinsoul, this is not the place." Chaewon wrapped a hand around Jinsoul's wrist but the latter flinched away. She sighed at her failed attempt, a pitiful look was sent her way by the fourth figure in the room.

"You promised you would never do anything stupid! Ever! Again!" She continued to lash out. "But you never cared, don't you?!"

"Jinsoul, calm down please. We're at the hospital, not an open field." Chaewon gave it another go and Jinsoul just heaved a sigh at that. The younger blonde shifted her gaze towards Jungeun's brother again. "What happened actually?"

Jongdae glanced at Jungeun for a few seconds, as if checking on her reaction but his sister remained emotionless. "Someone found Jungeun laying on the road, totally knocked out. They said it looked like she just gotten herself into a crash. Thankfully there's no severe injuries, just a few cuts and... wounds." He kept his eyes on the girl in question. "She took a knock though and supposed to be warded tonight but... she refused." He dropped his gaze to the floor.

Chaewon took her time to digest every single information that was shared by Jongdae. "Crashed...? Onto what?"

The only guy in the room shrugged at that question. "They found no one else on the scene, only Jungeun and her bike. We tried to confirm with her if it's a possible hit and run..." He exhaled loudly. "... but she insist not to talk about it."

Jinsoul's bitter laugh filled the room afterwards. "Because she would never admit that it's deliberated, isn't that it Jungeun?" Her fingers formed a tight fist. "Why you never listened—"

"Stop that." Jungeun finally broke her silence, head still hung so low. Her best friend stared at her with watery eyes. Ugly bandages were all over Jungeun and it reminded Jinsoul of the hurtful past. She swore she would never let Jungeun get into this sort of situation again but it was proven to be easier said than done. "Stop doing that." She repeated, her voice was crisp and quiet.

"Why..." Jinsoul sounded like she just lost herself in a maze.

Scratching on the crown of her own head, Chaewon then reached out again and this time, no resistance came from the older blonde. "Let's get you out of here first." She rubbed a soothing pattern on Jinsoul's stiff arm before leading the girl to walk back towards the entrance. "I'll come back for Jungeun in a bit." Chaewon announced into the closed space.

Jungeun waited for the door to click shut. "I told you not to call for them." She stayed in the same sitting position, clasping her hands to the bed.

"And let you wander out there by yourself again?" He spoke calmly. "Not a chance."

"Why you act like you care?" So much poison was inflicted in her tone.

"Because I  _do_ care." Jongdae wasted no time to respond. "No matter what, nothing can change the fact that you're my sister."

Jungeun's frail figure shaking from suppressing a laugh. "I suggest you find some better things to care about." Like a switch had been flipped over by someone, her cold persona made an appearance again.

Jongdae stay rooted to his ground. "About earlier—"

"Earlier what?" Jungeun asked, her voice lacking genuine interest.

"Jiwoo—"

"Enough, not another word." Her low grumble caused the tension to rise.

Jongdae was blank for a few seconds but still managed to regain his composure. He licked on his dry lips. "I already asked your boys to collect the bike, they say it won't take as much to get it repaired." He changed the topic swiftly.

Jungeun cracked the joints near her neck. "Is this the part where I'm supposed to feel moved and _thank_ _you_ for your thoughtfulness?" She scoffed.

Chaewon came bursting through the door again, just as Jongdae was about to open his mouth to reply. She looked at the siblings back and forth with cautious eyes. "Are you ready to go now?" Jungeun could not be anymore grateful than this.

"Yes." Her voice void of emotions.

Chaewon could almost feel the tense air around the room prickling on the hair on her arms. "Come on, Soul is waiting for us at the front desk."

Jungeun separated her bottom from the bed, she hissed as the pain finally registered on her brain. "Careful." Jongdae offered her a hand.

"Don't." She dodged his touch without sparing him any glance. Jungeun started to walk, limping a bit due to wounds marking her left foot. Until she fully recovered, it would be hell for her (not that she was not living in one already).

"Jungeun." Her brother called out for her in a tone she barely remembered. Jungeun paused by the door, gripping on the metal knob for support. "If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to come to me."

That certainly did not fall on deaf ears, but Jungeun chose to act like it did.

 

#

 

Jungeun was struggling the whole time and even with Chaewon's careful attempt to lend her a hand, she insisted on using the wall rail as a support. Chaewon abided to that, well aware that it would be smarter not to tick Jungeun off. How she wished Jinsoul shared the same thinking process as hers.

"You're so selfish." Jinsoul whispered but it was rough enough to reach Jungeun. It did not go unnoticed to Chaewon too.

"Gosh, I told you to take a chill pill." Chaewon rushed to stand in between the taller girls. One of these days, she was so going to pop a vein trying to keep her best friends in check. She needed to make sure that they at least get beyond that entrance safely without causing any scene.

"All you think about is yourself." Jinsoul ignored Chaewon's reminder. "Have you ever realized that there are people who still care about you?" Her voice trembled. Jungeun stayed silent, trying to focus on commuting herself out of the building. She could tell that Jinsoul was so hurt, but why?  _Why she cared so much?_

"Don't push it now Soul." Despite all the pressure, Chaewon forced herself to remain as calm as possible.

Cold wind greeted them the moment they stepped outside, the compound was almost deserted due to graveyard shift. "I never asked you to care." Jungeun broke her silence, tone so dry.

"For the love of God." Chaewon muttered under her breath. It was not the first time she had to witness both Jungeun and Jinsoul tangled in a heated argument like this, but it did not mean she felt any less anxious. In fact, she felt it all the same. 

"Exactly what I said. You never consider about people that genuinely care for you." Jinsoul made sure to get her point across again. "Why won't you stop hurting yourself?!" She spat, her bottled up emotions starting to show.

"And why won't you stop caring about me?!" Jungeun's eyes were on fire and so did her face, flushed at every slope and corner. "It's my fucking life! And I get to decide what I fucking do with it!" Her breath was ragged. "And I decide I'm not fucking worthy of it anymore!!" Jungeun tore her eyes away from Jinsoul, she never wanted to yell at Jinsoul like that but her best friend was really pushing her to the very edge.

The world around her suddenly spinning mercilessly that Jungeun forced her eyelids to come to a complete close. She could feel her ultimate fear slowly creeping up her back. From the way her heart was beating in an erratic pattern, to the way her breath getting stuck in her throat, she could feel the very worse coming.

"Jungeun, calm down. Try to breathe." Chaewon made sure to approach Jungeun softly, all that pressure most likely going to lead to an anxiety attack on her dear best friend and that was not how this should end; ugly and painful. She saw Jinsoul already at lost for words and for once, she was thankful for that.

Jungeun bit on her lip so hard that she could taste blood in the next instance, she was so numb to the point that she was no longer able to identify pain. She wanted to break down so bad, wanted the ground to swallow her whole. She could not bear living a second longer, her inside was twisting and churning like mad. Everything was painful.

In the midst of her disorganized thoughts, she heard a faint voice in the distant and immediately peeled her eyes open, letting them to wander wildly in desperate search for the source. Jungeun knew that voice, memorized it like she memorized the back of her hand. She could easily pick it out of mass of voices, it was different, it stood out from the rest.

It had _colors_.

Jungeun had so little trust in her own instinct but the moment those colors started to bleed into her muted world again, she changed her mind.

"Let's get you home, you need to rest." She flinched at Chaewon's touch before backing away from her friend on instinct.

"Chae, don't." Jinsoul barely found her voice again, refraining the younger from inflicting more pressure onto Jungeun.

Jungeun gulped thickly before letting her eyes to fall onto the trail of colors she saw earlier. The colors were pulsating in her view, Jungeun could not guess for sure but the way it slowly getting weaker told her that it was not a good sign. Her head swam in chaos and the next thing she knew, she was already being pulled towards the dying shades.

"Wait! Where are you going?! Jungeun!" Chaewon shouted in panic as Jungeun took off without warning but her tiny voice dispersed into space uselessly. "Earlier she was limping?! She can run just fine now?!" Her hands flailed around wildly, she shared a confused look with Jinsoul but the latter was still ditzy to give a proper response.

Jungeun found herself back in one of the hallways extending from the entrance with the 'EMERGENCY' sign written on it, she was breathing in an irregular pattern while her eyes scanned the place for direction. Call her crazy but she swore colors still bleed into her vision despite it being in one messy stream. And she would so believe it if anyone told her it was magic. She followed it nevertheless, ignoring everything around her and stayed true to the invisible pull.

Soon enough, Jungeun found herself standing in a treatment room and the girl she was looking for was seated at one corner. She was grabbing onto a handful of her hair, body shaking from what Jungeun assumed as crying. Jungeun wanted to make her presence known but could not find a proper way to do so. She could only stare so much and the sobbing noise from the girl finally caused her to move her gears again.

Jungeun came crouching in front of her slowly but the girl probably was so tuned out from the world around her to notice Jungeun's arrival. "Haseul." She called out softly.

Haseul looked up, her face was so flushed and eyes out of focus. It took her longer this time but recognition downed her at the end. "Y— Jungeun? Jungeun... you... you— are really here?" She stuttered in between sobs.

Jungeun nodded. "Yes, I am."

Haseul then had her eyes scanning Jungeun wildly, the bandages wrapping the other was hard to miss. "Wha— what happened to you?" Her panic doubled, fingers ghosting Jungeun's face carefully.

The younger was too absorbed in her worry that she momentarily forgot of her own condition. Jungeun stared down at herself. "That's... not important now." She quickly dismissed. "Are you sick?" Jungeun caught Haseul's wrist to stop her from further studying her injuries.

With that, Haseul's expression turned solemn again. "Not me. It's— it's Yeojin. M— my sister."

The intention to probe further was there, but the look on Haseul's face caused Jungeun to push it away. Unsure on what to do next, Jungeun got up from her awkward position and settled beside Haseul before draping an arm around her shoulders, squeezing ever so lightly.

Haseul leaned into Jungeun's hold, still trembling. "I just— I just want her to be okay." She breathed out.

Jungeun brought her hand upwards to stroke on Haseul's messy locks in what she hoped was a calming gesture. "She will." She was no fortune teller but there was no harm in being hopeful, wasn't it?

Haseul was trembling so much, obviously still shaken up by the situation. Jungeun could not provide anything else but she did hope her presence helped Haseul in one way or another. They stayed like that until Haseul was called in by the doctor and Jungeun decided to spare herself from breaching into her privacy. Footsteps inched closer towards her as she had expected, she just could not shrug off two pair of eyes staring at her from afar the moment she found Haseul.

"That's _that_ Haseul you talked about before, isn't it?" Jinsoul wasted no time beating around the bush. "When are you going to properly introduce her?"

Jungeun sighed. "If you can't tell, this is not the right time." She avoided Jinsoul's intense stare.

"That's why I asked  _when_." Her voice deeper this time.

"Jinsoul..." Chaewon elbowed the girl.

The taller blonde shut her eyes, seemingly trying to regain her composure. "Come on now, we need to get you home."

"I'm staying." Jungeun said simply.

"Eh?" Chaewon's eyes widened. "But—"

Jinsoul's dark chuckle lead to another cold atmosphere. "Suit yourself." She drew a sharp breath. "Let's go, Chae."

"But Soul..."

"I have an early meeting later." Chaewon's objection bounced around the room, totally ignored. "Someone needs to stay _responsible_." Jinsoul was glaring at the silver hair as she turned around, the will to fight non-existent to her now.

The oldest marched away in that instance, while Chaewon still lagging behind in hope for a change of mind from Jungeun. "How you gonna get home?"

"Don't worry about that." She reassured the girl and encouraged her to leave with Jinsoul. Chaewon's hesitant steps were put to a stop as Jungeun spoke up again. "Keep an eye on Soul, yeah?"

A nod. "... Okay..."

"And sorry for being a bother." She looked down.

"You're not, will _never_ be." Chaewon carved a soft smile before jogging to catch up with the long gone Jinsoul.

Jungeun waited for Haseul to come back afterwards, clasping her hands together as she bore a hole on the white tiled floor. It had been chaotic in the past few hours and she could not lie, it was hard to process it all. One moment she was perched on her motorbike, almost turning it into a deadly mechanism had it not been for the interference that came upon. And the next moment, she woke up to the horrifying white ceiling that she had grown despising so much.

Jungeun hated the color white so much.

Haseul always made an appearance when Jungeun least expected it but she never thought her voice alone could echo so loudly that it poked her consciousness and Jungeun,  _Jungeun was saved_. She still was not sure if she wanted that, the most she could do now was to try to see it in a positive light and make sense of this 'second chance'. Even if it meant to forgo her intent.

A figure plopped just beside her and Jungeun looked up to find Haseul there, face void of colors still but she definitely in a better state than before. Fate was playing with Jungeun, now she had Haseul in front of her in flesh, not just an illusion. Another unplanned encounter, another puzzle unlocked itself for Jungeun (but _third time was a charm_ , wasn't it?).

"How is your sister?" Jungeun straightened her back to align her gaze on Haseul.

The older yet to turn to look at her but Jungeun did not let it bother her. "They told me Yeojin's stable, she is sleeping now."

"That's good to hear." A sigh of relief escaped Jungeun. "What kind of sickness is it?"

Haseul ran her hands down her face. "High fever... she's not in the state to have that..." She cleared her throat.

"... why is that?" Curiosity nibbling her. She had a hunch but until Haseul willingly clarify it, Jungeun would love to not jump into conclusion just yet.

"Yeojin..." The brunette threw her head back as if to clear her mind and vision. "... she's born with a condition."

Jungeun nodded slowly at the newly gained information. "Is it bad?"

"It isn't categorized as severe but bad enough to put a limitation on her especially for a child her age. Her body is fragile, she's prone to sickness." For a split second, there was a look of anger on her face but she shook her head to get rid of it. "It worsens lately." She shut her eyes momentarily. "I just... should've taken a better care of her, how can I let this happened." She whispered her sorry. 

"Don't be too harsh on yourself. Things... happened." It was unfortunate for Jungeun to meet Haseul in this kind of situation but she knew it was not a mere coincidence. "At least we know she's not in danger now."

"Yeah, I was so worried." Haseul breathed loudly. "Hospital was the last place I'd imagine to bump into you, I really thought I've gone mad when you appeared."

Maybe it's the early hours or maybe Jungeun took a very hard knock on her head earlier, either way she was not feeling any sort of filter now. "Did you miss me that much?"

Haseul glanced at her for a bit before feigning ignorance. "It's only been a few weeks, don't be full of yourself."

"I think a few weeks is suffice..." Jungeun mumbled.

"What is that?" Haseul asked.

"Nothing." The younger smiled.

Haseul made another noise to clear her throat. "Hey, about earlier..."

"What about it?"

"Well... I sorta had a mental breakdown. Sorry you had to deal with that." She looked down sheepishly.

Jungeun blinked her confusion. "Oh, that was nothing. I'm..." She coughed. "... more than ready to rent my shoulder for you to cry on anytime."

"Rent? Are you sure it's not lend?" Haseul tilted her head to the side, frowning when she saw Jungeun nodding firmly. "Means I have to pay? _Again_?"

"I paid for last time." She shrugged.

Haseul shook her head in disbelief but her laughter betrayed her at the end. "Weirdo."

"Not weird enough for you to push me away, ain't it?" The older girl shoved her away playfully after that and for the first time since she saw the colors that Haseul splashed into her vision that morning, Jungeun's mind was no longer buzzing. Jungeun gulped a lump down her throat at that realization.

Haseul made a sharp turn and stared at her with a serious expression. "Now, how did you hurt yourself?"

The silver hair dropped her gaze. "It's just an accident... nothing serious."

"You call this nothing serious?" Haseul reached over and grabbed onto her palm, bringing Jungeun's wounded arm closer to inspect it. "This doesn't look like nothing, Jungeun."

Jungeun forced a smile. "Hey, chill." The prior event played at the back of her mind, _what was she thinking really_? "The road was slippery. And I just... slipped... is all." She should not be lying, she knew that full well but Jungeun did not like the idea of dragging Haseul into her mess. Let her deal with it by herself, the one time she was going to be selfish, this should be it.

"Just slipped? Jungeun, it could've been worse!" A frown invaded her face.

"But it didn't." Jungeun said simply.

"How can you say that so lightly..." The frown grew deeper. "First, it's Yeojin... and then you..."

"Are you saying I'm on the same level as Yeojin to you now?" She teased.

"So what if it is?" Haseul glared and Jungeun laughed at that but deep down that little sentiment caused her heart to make a little somersault. "It must hurt so bad..."

Jungeun just chuckled. "Actually, it's not that bad. I'm tough, you know?"

"Tough? You really pushing it now, huh?" Haseul's face turned into a skeptical one.

"No, I'm serious." Jungeun's eyebrows curved upwards. "Here, try to squeeze my arm." She offered.

"Did you really just say 'squeeze my arm'?" Haseul pulled back to take a better look at her. "But you have wounds all over... not sure if that's a good idea."

"Well, my biceps aren't tho." She held it out, still urging Haseul to do as she said. "You not gonna kill me, I promise."

"Flexing much..." The older girl mumbled. After narrowing and un-narrowing her eyes at Jungeun to see if she would back out, to which she did not, Haseul wrapped her fingers around the area and a nod from Jungeun was more than enough to set the trigger for her. The result was unlike what she had initially predicted and her jaw stretched open slightly.

"So?" Jungeun looked at her with expectant eyes.

"So... so what?" Her mind was quite a jumble to say the least.

"How does it feel?" The younger tilted her head.

Her face was warm. "Do you even hear yours—" Haseul scoffed before collecting herself again. "It's— it's uh... _firm_?" She shrugged, trying to act as nonchalant as she could.

"See? I'm tough." A smirk appeared on the other's face after that.

Haseul would not let Jungeun win this, if the younger girl was truly going to walk away without being affected (like how Haseul did) then she at least need to pay the price. The brunetted reached over again and with all her might, she squeezed on Jungeun's so called _tough_ biceps.

"Ow!" The shock was all over Jungeun, her eyes almost leaving their sockets as she rubbed on her now sore arm. "Why—"

"Not so tough now, aren't you?" Haseul blinked, obviously picking on the girl.

Jungeun let out an absurd laugh. "What's that for? Like why...?"

" _Deserve_." Haseul mirrored Jungeun's laugh.

"Really now..." Jungeun sighed in defeat but she relished in Haseul's improved mood, her sadness was not visible to naked eyes anymore.

Haseul's laugh died down at the end before she started to play around with her own fingers. "I thought you hated me..."

A crease appeared on Jungeun's forehead. "Hate? Why would I?"

"After last time." She gulped. "And I texted you last night but you didn't reply... I convinced myself that you're asleep but turns out..." Her caramel-like irises stared down at Jungeun.

Jungeun followed her gaze " _Oh_." The younger took her time to process that. "Oh, right. My phone." Her hand disappeared inside her jacket to retrieve the said device. "This... I don't think I can use this anymore..." Jungeun grimaced at its condition, the previously cracked screen was now fully shattered. It remained pitch black even after Jungeun slammed her finger against the power button numerous times.

"You need to get a new one..." Haseul directed a sympathetic look.

"Yeah..." Jungeun nodded in agreement. "What did you send me anyway?" She asked with curious eyes.

"Eh... it's nothing... doesn't matter anymore..." She almost blushed as she reminisced the content. She actually poured her heart out, and only left one tiny but extremely  important detail out of it. But texting was so different from face-to-face encounter, Haseul would love to keep it to herself for now.

"Well, okay..." Jungeun nodded. "I agree, it doesn't matter anymore. You're right in front of me now."

"That night... I wasn't thinking straight." Haseul said, tone full of honest regrets. "I hope to make things right."

Jungeun glanced at her, eyes remained calm despite the turbulent happening inside of her heart. "Let's move pass that. I'm glad to see you again."

Haseul returned the look with similar intensity. "I'm glad to see you again too."

Jungeun forced her pinky finger to grab onto the chair tightly. Fearing that if she ever let it go, she would clasp it over Haseul's that was resting just a few inches away from her.

 

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"[Now, is it you now?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEOCbFJjRw0)"_

 

 

"How is she doing?" She stole a few glances towards the slightly shorter girl beside her.

"Still weak, but definitely better than yesterday." Her lips tugged upwards briefly.

She nodded in acknowledgement. "I brought some fruits." She gestured at the basket on her right hand.

"I can see that clearly." This time, she directed an honest smile towards her. "I mean... it's  _huge_." She chuckled.

A hint of panic threatened to take over her. "Is it too much?"

She shook her head, chuckling at the other's reaction. "Nothing will ever be too much for Yeojin." She met her eyes. "But who knows... maybe she's going to like it a _little_ too much?"

"That's good, isn't it?" She asked in a timid voice.

She shrugged teasingly, leaving the question without any actual answer. "We're here." She then announced.

If she were to choose, she never wanted to be anywhere remotely close to a hospital ever again, but today should be an exclusive exception. Her visit yesterday was limited to the waiting lobby as Yeojin was still resting and no visitor besides her family members, which was only Haseul so far (Jungeun made a mental note to ask her about it later), were allowed to go inside.

They got into the room afterwards and her gaze immediately fell onto a tiny figure resting on the white colored bed, looking so fragile against the mattress. She frowned at the thought of the girl having to deal with such illness at a very young age. The world was unfair, she was fully educated on that, but this was still hard for her to stomach.

It took her a second longer to notice the presence of another person in the room. "You certainly didn't look like that when I last saw you." That voice was oddly familiar.

She then put a face onto that voice. " _You_."

Haseul looked back and forth between the two who were very much engrossed in an intense staring contest. "Seems like you two know each other already?"

"Oh, no one can ever forget The Legendary Kim Jungeun." The girl laughed, much to Jungeun dismay.

"That's... an interesting nickname." Jungeun saw the way curiosity slowly took over Haseul's face. "I wonder what's the story behind it?"

"You don't wanna know." Jungeun tried to dodge it.

"You _sure_ wanna know, Haseul." Hyejoo's evil laugh grew louder.

"Shh, Yeojin is sleeping." Haseul warned the younger. "Maybe save that for later."

"Too late, she's already awake." Hyejoo pointed out and Haseul registered Yeojin's confused stare right away.

"Oh." Haseul settled herself by the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling, Yeoyeo?" Yeojin's hand was cold in her palms.

"I'm... tired..." Yeojin's voice came out in a very low volume, whispering almost. "But I'm okay." She reassured her sister with a smile.

Haseul just gave her an overly eager nod, trying her best not to let her emotion shown. "Someone is here to visit you."

"Someone _special_." Hyejoo, who was standing on the other side of the bed, added with a wink.

Jungeun cleared her throat in what she hoped was a cool front. She moved closer to greet Yeojin. "Hello there, Yeojin." The silver hair beamed.

"Hi..." Yeojin's eyes were shining, a stark contrast to her sick pale skin.

"Yeoyeo, this is Jungeun. A friend of mine." Haseul laid out a basic introduction.

"Aka your future sister in— ouch!" Hyejoo screamed in reflex as Haseul stretched over the bed just enough to land a stinging pinch on her arm.

"Stop making up stories." She glared at the younger girl.

"I'm not—"

"You're so beautiful." That comment from Yeojin caused them to halt their little bickering session.

"Um..." Jungeun was flabbergasted and Haseul snickered at that silently. "Th— thank you." Never did a simple praise had such an effect on her, maybe because Yeojin sounded so sincere when she utter that.

"Told you she gonna like her right off the bat." Hyejoo directed a knowing look at Yeojin's older sister. "I know Yeojin like I know the back of my hand."

Haseul sighed loudly. The intrigued look Jungeun gave her was not of any help, she liked it better when Jungeun was flustered. "Oh right, you brought something for Yeojin, don't you?" She tried to divert the topic away smoothly.

"Oh! Yeah." How could she forget the weight she was carrying since the first floor, Jungeun presented the basket right before Yeojin. "Haseul won't let me know what kind of fruits you like so... I bought bits of each." She glanced at Haseul, this girl and her playful nature, Jungeun might have grown fond of that.

"Goodness, do you own a fruit farm?" Hyejoo remarked at the sight of the huge basket. "I doubt this lentil bean can finish all that."

"I'm not a lentil bean, Hyejoo!" Thanks to Hyejoo, there was a sudden surge of energy from Yeojin.

"Alright, alright. You're not a bean." Hyejoo coaxed the girl half heartedly, making faces to win her back but Yeojin was not sold at all.

Jungeun felt warm at the adorable scene, almost smiling to herself but she held it in.

"Are you my sister's girlfriend?" Yeojin gave no warning before throwing that question at her direction and Jungeun almost dropped the basket.

"Yeoyeo, how can you ask that to someone you just met?" Haseul reprimanded her younger sister.

"I just want a confirmation." She pouted cutely.

Jungeun laughed awkwardly. "Where do I put this basket?" At that, Hyejoo almost stumbled from laughing too much. Jungeun sent a cold glare at the latter but she was not fazed.

"There, you can put it there." Haseul answered eagerly. "Lemme help you." She grabbed the basket before moving away from the bed. Haseul's flushed cheeks were too prominent Jungeun could feel the heat spreading on her own face.

Jungeun spent her time with the girls right after that, entangling herself with Yeojin's peculiar question that caught her off guard and Hyejoo's constant teasing which resulted in her face burning every now and then. Haseul acted as a spectator most of the time, only intervening when needed. She noticed Haseul looking at her with soft gaze a couple of times that Jungeun had to look away.

Jungeun could never see herself pass this moment, but a picture of her future somehow got painted bit by bit at the back of her mind and Jungeun was anxious. Would imagining such future still realistic to her? Haseul with all of her smile and laughter, and even her tears and sniffles, Jungeun wanted to be selfish and keep them all for herself.

But Haseul deserved so much better than getting herself involved with the mess that was Jungeun. Was it too late for her to back out now? Why was it so hard for her to stop and just take things at face value? Why did she go as far as knowing Haseul beyond her name and what she do for a living alone?

Jungeun doubted the answer would come visit her anytime soon.

 

~

 

"I have to get on this...?" Haseul blinked like a broken robot.

"If you don't want to... we can move around by cab instead." Jungeun replied calmly.

Haseul studied her expression before darting her eyes towards the direction where Jungeun had an arm extended, a helmet was being offered to her. Jungeun had this subtle hopeful look and Haseul did not have it in her to reject Jungeun. "It's not that I don't want to..."

"I'm not holding you at gunpoint, Haseul." Jungeun laughed lightly.

Haseul laughed along but if anything, it obviously lacked sincerity. "But Jungeun?"

"Mhm?" The younger met her eyes.

"Can you drive already? I mean... you just hurt yourself the other day." Haseul could not shrug off her worry, having seen the scratches and dents still visible on the body of Jungeun's motorbike.

Jungeun just smiled. "Of course. I won't be here if I couldn't in the first place, isn't it?" She pointed out.

"Oh, right..." Haseul shifted her gaze to the ground. "How did you get it fixed so fast?"

Jungeun cleared her throat. "Uh... I only have the workshop to thank? They got it done right away. The body though... maybe some other day." She hid the fact that she urged her team to have it repaired as soon as possible, Jungeun felt like she lost a limb without her Honda.

"Ah..."

"So, are you ready?"

Haseul huffed through her mouth. "Let's go."

"You know how to put this on?" Jungeun pointed at the helmet using her eyes, it had glaring streaks of red against the matte black texture.

"I know—"

She could not provide a proper respond as Jungeun already had it raised above her height, ready to secure her head with it. "Let me just..." Jungeun was mumbling to herself, so engrossed in her little task. "Tell me if it's too tight." She wiggled the helmet to make sure it did not suffocate Haseul. The latter on the other hand, had her eyes glued on Jungeun's face. This was a rare chance for Haseul to have Jungeun so up close to her. The younger had a porcelain like skin but the fact that it was still marred by bruises and cuts caused her heart to ache. "Are you comfortable?" Haseul wanted so much to believe that the pounding of her heart was due to the prospect that she was about to get herself on a motorbike after so long and nothing to do with the girl before her.

"Y— yeah." She avoided Jungeun's stare. "Is it okay if I ask you a question?"

Jungeun narrowed her eyes. "Sure."

"Why a bike?" Her head tilted slightly. "Won't driving a car be much safer?"

The question hit Jungeun a bit too hard, it was evident from the way a crestfallen look appeared on her face. But Jungeun caught herself just on time to put it away. "None of them is safer than the other." She moved to grab her own matching helmet.

"What do you mean?" The conscience in Haseul told her to stop as Jungeun sounded like she wanted this discussion to end, but the curiosity was overbearing her.

"It's seldom about the wheel itself, but more about _who_ is behind the wheel." Jungeun was staring at nothing, looking so lost in something that Haseul was not allowed to see. "Take us so long to head out for the supermarket, huh?" She suddenly turned into a different character, a chuckle immediately greeted Haseul's ears.

Haseul played along. "I know right." She decided it would be better not to push it on Jungeun for now.

"Hop on." Jungeun offered her hand for Haseul to take but the hesitation on her face was louder than words. "I promise I won't let you get hurt." Through the opening of the helmet, Haseul could see honesty dripping from Jungeun's brown orbs and she felt like combusting into dust. Jungeun was too good to be true.

Getting over her dwell, she connected their hands together and used it as a support to prop herself onto the massive motorbike. "Phew." She breathed out and it caused Jungeun to peer over her shoulder.

"Is everything okay back there?" From her current position, Haseul sensed a different kind of persona radiating off Jungeun. This Jungeun was a lot more fierce and if she were to exaggerate, was way too charismatic. This Jungeun was also a reminiscent of Haseul's initial impression on Jungeun when she first met her back at Mobius.

"Yeah, just... a little nervous." But Haseul would never trade the real Jungeun for anything else. The real Jungeun was a bit reserved, often shy and get easily flustered. Haseul loved to tease Jungeun just to evoke some cute reactions from the girl.

"I won't speed away, but you still need to hold onto me." Jungeun advised, already leaning over to get the engine revving.

"Oh, o— okay." Haseul was panicking in her head, how was she supposed to hold onto Jungeun now? None of the image that crossed her mind looked appropriate enough for her to follow. What if she touched her wrongly and Jungeun end up mistook her as a pervert? Or if she held onto her excessively to the point that she could be labelled as clingy? "Um." At the end, she gripped both of her hands on either side of Jungeun's leather jacket loosely.

"Haseul?" Jungeun turned around again. "What are you doing?"

"Hold... onto you?" She answered in confusion.

Jungeun looked down at her hands before exploded into a fit of laugh. "I don't think that's enough to prevent you from falling down while we move through the traffic."

"Oh, then...?"

"Like this." Jungeun grabbed onto her hands gently, pulling Haseul slightly forward that her front almost made contact with Jungeun's rigid backside. Haseul gasped inaudibly when Jungeun clasped her palms just above her abdomen and locked them there. Her head was spinning from Jungeun's strong cologne. "Try to relax and enjoy it." The rider spared her another advice that Haseul doubted could be considered as helpful.

Jungeun was very much comfortable to be in her element while the same could not be said about Haseul.

She was facing one of the greatest internal crises of her life along the ride.

 

~

 

"I'm gonna have that." Jungeun snatched the trolley before Haseul could reach it.

"Will you be okay?" Haseul stared at her with worried eyes. "You're still sick and this is supposed to be my grocery shopping, I don't want to burden you."

Jungeun moved her head to dismiss it. "I'm tough remember?" She said with a smile. "Wanna have another round?" Jungeun pushed her arm outwards to deliver her implication.

As if it was not red enough, Haseul's face turned into a deeper shade of hot chilli pepper. "Shut up." She muttered before shoving Jungeun away from her.

A lighthearted chuckle left Jungeun as she fell into steps, following Haseul around like an obedient puppy. The latter was busy scanning between a list of groceries and the tall shelves to find specific brands of her preference.

It was not an impromptu shopping session, Haseul had told her of the plan the day before as she already ran out of groceries back home, and Jungeun could not resist offering to accompany her. The brunette of course rejected it, making her listen to a long nagging on how she should take care of herself better so that her injuries could recover as soon as possible. But the stubborn trait just ran naturally in Jungeun that Haseul was made to say yes at the end.

A few minutes later, Jungeun saw Haseul standing still in front of a rack lined up with different type of cereals, a frown adorning her face. Haseul heaved a sigh. "Jungeun?" She called out.

Jungeun parked the trolley so that it would not block the lane. "What's with that face?"

"Can you help reach that for me? I can't find any stool around here." Haseul pointed at a box of cereals, at least two heads above her. She looked slightly annoyed. "They should be more considerate when they install the shelves."

A smile almost made its way onto Jungeun's face but she forced it away. "Why don't you just grab the one on the lower part?" She asked, standing on her toes to get her hand on Haseul's request. It was hard even for her so she internally agreed with the other.

"It's Yeojin's favorite." Haseul inspected the box. "And it's way cheaper." She suddenly shot a witty smile at Jungeun's direction.

"You're thrifty, huh?" She let the trolley roll again.

Haseul spun on her heels and stared at her to implement the dramatic effect. "No, Jungeun. It's called being smart."

The older girl sashayed away and Jungeun was left in yet another admiring-from-afar bubble. Her mind floated to a few nights ago. She spent hours thinking about how Haseul's voice lulled in her ears prior to the crash. It was absurd and ridiculous but she was certain that was real, that it did happened and distracted her before putting her intent to a stop.

Jungeun silently came to a conclusion, one that she have yet to share with a single soul.

 _Haseul was her **saviour**_.

 

#

 

Jungeun reread the receipt over and over again, putting it away and glanced at the content in the trolley, only to go back to the receipt to make sure she did not fall victim to her eyes. "This trolley is full to the brim and you still get to pay with this number?"

" _Smart_." Haseul grinned, a finger pointing to her brain a couple of times. "Actually just get items with budget price tag, it's simple as that."

The younger blinked. "Guess I won't know, I rarely do groceries like this... only buy what I need."

"Are you really that busy with work?" Haseul asked absentmindedly, hands moving around to gather the shopping bags.

It caused her to flinch but it went unnoticed to the other. "Maybe..." She forced a laugh. "Plus, it's only me. I figured it's easier to grab ready to eat meals and such."

Haseul halted whatever she was doing to meet Jungeun's eyes. "You live alone?" She asked in wonder. 

"Yeah." Jungeun brushed her hair to the back, grinning to prevent Haseul from reading through her too much.

"How about your family?" The older threaded carefully.

Jungeun felt a pang hit her hard. "... just a brother... even him... pretty distant..." Her eyes travelled to the ground.

Haseul felt both sorry and guilty, she could see Jungeun trying her best to mask her emotions and it caused Haseul a lot of ache. It was not long before she mentally scolded herself, this pain was not comparable to Jungeun's. True, Haseul herself was not graced by the presence of parents figure anymore. But she at least was not bothered by it as much and already embraced living independently with all her might. She also had Yeojin, her immediate family, still within reach and she could cherish upon.

Jungeun looked pretty well off, with her choice of transportation and high end clothes, so Haseul always imagined Jungeun in a wholesome family. But the reality painted on Jungeun's face and body language was more than enough to provide her with clues; loneliness was a dear friend to Jungeun.

Soon, they stood by the curb to find Haseul a cab since it was impossible to carry everything via Jungeun's motorbike. A few cabs already moved pass them while they both still stuck in silence since that little exchange.

"Hey, Haseul?" Jungeun found her voice once more. "That song you sung the other day..."

Haseul glanced at her. "What song?"

"Y'know the one from the festival..."

A blush appeared on her cheeks. "Why you bring that up again? I still can't believe you're there." She cupped on her face.

"I don't mean anything bad." Jungeun shook her head frantically. "I'm just wondering if I can... listen to it again?"

Haseul looked up before raising one of her eyebrows. "Right now?"

"Not necessarily now." Jungeun laughed. "Maybe when things are at much better place. And we can find free time... if it's not too much to ask."

Haseul nodded, her mind hesitating.

A cab appeared not long after and they immediately got to work and load everything into the trunk. The time they spent together felt too short for Jungeun.

Jungeun held the door open for Haseul. "Hey, Jungeun?" Haseul called for her attention again, dropping a hand onto Jungeun's unsuspecting one.

The latter swallowed her surprise at the sudden contact. "Yes?"

"I'm thinking that maybe you want to come over sometimes... although it's a long shot... I can sing for you _maybe_." She emphasized before chuckling adorably. "And perhaps I can prepare some home made food for you too."

Jungeun drank the sight of Haseul's dazzling smile and returned it with a soft one. "That sounds awesome, I'd love to."

 

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"[Will you come back and hold me?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd5g0gw_DGE)"_

 

 

"... six, seven, nine, ten— argh!" Her knees fell onto the floor, a shout filled with nothing but frustration left her. Her palms were sore from the impact and her lungs burning from moving non-stop but she could not care less. Desperation was eating her from inside out.

"You need to take a break." She glared upwards slightly as a water bottle was extended towards her. Her head produced a solid shake to reject the suggestion. "Stop being so hard-headed, Heekki."

"You... don't... understand... Hyun." Heejin had to take a breather in between words. "I've got only one shot."

Hyunjin took a moment to come up with something before positioning herself to crouch in front of Heejin. "That shot will be gone if you don't keep your health in check." She pulled the girl to sit on the floor, her free hand forced the bottle into Heejin's palm.

Heejin plastered her gaze onto the giant mirror before her eyes. She never fancied the idea of looking like a walking dead but there she was, resembling one.

"They called and said they got the guitar repaired, so I went to pick it up." Her eyes moved at the announcement, she could almost felt her heart soar at the reflection on the mirror. "I don't understand why you bother doing that. You already got a new one, a much  _better_ one."

 _You don't understand_ , she wanted to repeat but avoided it in fear of the words losing their meaning. Hyunjin was a junior manager training at the company and was assigned to watch over her as her superior decided she needed one. She hated the girl's presence but over time they eventually fit into each other's life, Hyunjin was the closest to what Heejin would describe as a best friend. Despite sharing some kind of bond, Hyunjin would _never_ understand the depth of her personal life.

"Because I still _want_ it." Her deep voice filled the space.

She could hear Hyunjin sighing from behind her. "Anything you say." The girl was staring at her through the mirror. "I'm hanging out with Jinsoul later, you wanna come?"

Heejin almost suffered a whiplash from turning her head too fast. "Jinsoul? _Jung_ _Jinsoul_?" She cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Hyunjin answered simply.

"You two are friends? Since when?" Her volume slowly increasing.

Hyunjin shrugged. "Not that long ago. Ah, she's an old friend of yours too right?"

 _Friend_. "That... whatever." Heejin suddenly got onto her feet. "But you can't— you can't—" She lost her way with words as she realized she had no control over Hyunjin's matters.

"Can't what?" Hyunjin looked at her weirdly.

Heejin held back her temper. "It's best to not get yourself involved with her." She turned her body around to face the wall instead.

"Why is that?"

"Trust me, I know better." She hung her head low.

"Is she a bad person?"

"Not really."

"Got any criminal records?"

"... no."

Hyunjin snickered. "Then I don't see the problem. She has been nothing but nice to me so far, quite funny too."

"Why won't you listen to me?" She was so close to losing her calm. "I... I don't want you to get hurt."

"Huh?" The other inched towards her but stopped halfway. "In what way would Jinsoul hurt me? I ain't with her romantically."

"Romantic or not, still..." Heejin just let out a heavy breathing.

"Go home, Heekki. You really need a break." Hyunjin headed for the door, pausing before she turn on the knob. "You know... you almost got me deluding myself into thinking that you got a thing for me." She voiced out her thought. "That's not the case, right?"

Heejin peeled her gaze off the floor to stare at Hyunjin with a puzzled expression.

"I take that as a no." She smiled before leaving Heejin to attend to her buzzing mind.

Heejin just stared at the door where Hyunjin's figure disappeared. "What she talking about..." She muttered to herself.

She blinked a couple of times before throwing her body to the floor, she was so exhausted from the endless routine. Everyday it was the same old for her, nothing was certain no matter how much effort she put into this. Heejin wanted to give up but as much as she wanted that, it would remain as a wishful thinking. Beggar could never be choosy.

Her heavy eyelids slowly coming to a close as a distant memory came visit her again. A memory she wished to lock away but she could never.

_Heejin stood under the shades, eyes pretty much glued to the sheet in her hand. It had been more than a week, but a new timetable in a new college was still so hard for her to process. Making new friends also set to be another big challenge for Heejin as she was not a big social butterfly, so for now, she was on her own. She reread the location of the class in the third period column and frowned when she could not recall of its exact direction._

_Bad at direction was one thing, add multitasking to that and you got Jeon Heejin. So it was not a big surprise that she failed to register a danger incoming towards her as she crossed the college compound._

_"Watch out!"_

_Heejin heard a loud warning followed by a screeching noise that sounded a lot like rubber sliding over the hot hard ground and the next thing she knew, her body already flew away. She grimaced when she felt her left palm made contact with the rough surface._

_"Ugh." Using both of her hands, she supported her own frame from further collapsing. Her head was spinning from the sudden impact._

_"Shoot! I didn't see you coming! I'm really sorry!" The stranger came to her aid, gently grabbing onto her arm to check on her. "Are you okay?"_

_Heejin shrugged the person off. The frustration mostly derived from her own inability to do anything right, but the other of course had no idea about it so it only made sense for them to flinch away. "Ow." She saw scratches on her palm and wanted to both shriek and cry._

_"Gosh, you're hurt. Let's get you to infirmary_ — _"_

_"Don't touch me." Heejin was shocked at her own voice but she played it cool enough for the other not to notice._

_"O_ — _okay..." The stranger put a distance between them._

_After making peace with herself, only then Heejin held her gaze up and found a figure cladded in a jean jacket and pair of pants of the same material right in front of her. To top it off, the stranger had a helmet on and that was when it clicked for Heejin as to why their voice sounded so weird. Besides the eyes, their face was inaccessible to Heejin._

_"Look, I'm really sorry okay?" The person tried again, suddenly got to work in gathering Heejin's belongings that were all over the place. Heejin concluded the person was a girl from the voice alone._

_Heejin was about to stop her from whatever she was doing but the other's swiftness was no match to her. The entire time the stranger busy collecting her college supplies, Heejin was sending virtual daggers towards her direction instead._

_"You... you don't plan to stay there forever right?" A hand was extended towards her and Heejin just stared at it._

_Satisfied with the awkwardness that she managed to inflict on the girl, Heejin then accepted her effort before pushing herself up._

_"Infirmary?" The other asked carefully._

_"No, it's okay. I'm fine." Heejin reclaimed the messy stack that was her stationeries and books from the girl's embrace._

_"If you insist..." She trailed off. "Um actually, wait." The girl gave Heejin a sign using her gloved palms before jogging to grab her backpack from her motorbike. Heejin felt dumb that she failed to notice the vehicle earlier. She then rummaged through the pockets and after a few attempts, pulled out a piece of bandaid and offered it to Heejin. "Here, the least I can do..."_

_Her initial intention was to reject it right away but the sight of a bandaid with cartoon characters all over it (precisely of a cute little bird) caused her to snicker instead._

_"I can explain." The other cleared her throat. "They ran out of supplies_ — _I mean the normal bandaids and_ — _it was emergen_ — _"_

_"I understand." Heejin stopped her ramblings, plucking the bandaid off the other's hold. "Like I said, I'm fine. You can continue to be on your way."_

_"Just like that?"_

_"Yeah." Heejin nodded. "I'm late to my class anyway."_

_"You not gonna sue me later on?"_

_"No, this is not a tv drama."_

_"Well, okay then..."_

_The girl took a series of steps backwards, one at a time in a dramatic fashion. Funny how the scene resembled some cinematic replays that Heejin so used to see on sappy romantic movies. In that moment a thought crossed her; maybe it was never meant to be a drama and instead, a film was waiting for her. Heejin felt bad for being intimidating for no reason, she could have dealt with the matter with more friendliness; she was at fault afterall._

_The streak of golden flowing freely down broad shoulders did not go unnoticed to Heejin too, shame that she hid her face from the world under some thick polycarbonate; Heejin would love to see it._

_Maybe they would cross path again. Maybe._

 

_~_

 

_Being stared at was part of Heejin's life, it was not something unusual to her at all. Whether when she was walking down the hallway, entering her classes, reading a book at the library, simply sitting down in a bus on her way home, or just minding her own business, there would be at least one person being charmed by her presence. Some was creepy, some was being subtle with it while some did give her an awkward smile when they got caught._

_So when she walked into the music hall and the large room suddenly went silent, it was just another day for Heejin. She scanned around briefly before going for the seat on the most front row, the back was fully crowded by students and Heejin would do her best to minimize any sort of interaction. She heard gossips going around and about regarding her, most of them flew over her head because Heejin did not have the energy to entertain them. But one thing she was fully aware of was her reputation; 'princess', 'goddess', 'immortal', those were so silly to begin with._

_She was not proud but she was thankful for it because it repelled unnecessary people away from her. Although not all. Heejin still had admirers and haters alike, the former lining up to get her attention, while the latter stay behind shadows and whispers to create conspiracies about who Jeon Heejin really was. She rather not learn about what nonsense they came up with._

_A bunch of students making ruckus up on the stage garnered her attention and Heejin looked at them from the corner of her eyes. She could not tell what was going on but it could never be anything but some kids playing around with each other. Heejin sighed, staring at her wristwatch and wondering why the audition have yet to start off. All that running she did before suddenly felt like a total waste to her, she dead thought she was late from being too indulged in studying at the library. She should have stayed and solved a few more questions there._

_"Come on, Soul! I know you got it in you!"_

_That group was being loud again, they were pestering someone who conveniently being hidden from Heejin's vision by the large piano. Whoever that was, they kept on prolonging the notes that they were currently playing._

_"Jung Jinsoul! Jung Jinsoul!"_

_They cheered collectively, encouraging the person to do whatever they were convincing her to do. Heejin merely shook her head at that, at least she knew they were not bullying her. She decided to whip her phone out to distract herself from the commotion until the audition finally come around. 32 seconds into reading an article about an upcoming open audition held by a big entertainment company, Heejin was made to look at the group again or to be exact; the person behind the piano._

_The person already left her seat and was currently singing into the microphone to some song that Heejin could not recognize. But that was the least of her concern, the voice caught her attention the most. It was both clear and soothing and the corner of Heejin's lips curled upwards ever so slightly. It did not last long, her small smile was then replaced by a jaw drop as the person expertly did a transition to a verse of rap and whatever trick she had under her sleeves, it was so smooth that Heejin was awed._

_It did not stop there, Heejin was further stunned as golden locks entered her sight; swaying along to the girl's moving figure. That shade looked so similar to the one she saw from the other day that Heejin had a goosebump. Heejin never had the intention to count on how many blondies actually attending this college but so far she only saw two. One was Park Chaewon, her seatmate in Japanese class (even then her shade was darker) and second was the mysterious biker girl. So, could this be the same person?_

_Heejin tried to not think too much about it, there probably could be more blondies than what she thought, and focused her energy on the audition instead. Getting into the Performing Arts Club and excel through it was one of her bigger goals when she was informed that she was going to transfer here and today was the first step towards that. So, Heejin would give her all at all cost._

_When her name was announced, Heejin took a deep breath followed by big steps towards the center of the stage. There, she saw the blonde up close as she was required to give the title of her song to the girl._

_"Hi, I'm Jinsoul. What you gonna sing?" A polite smile was directed at Heejin._

_"Heejin." She returned the smile. "Officially Missing You, you know that song?" Heejin unconciously took the chance to study Jinsoul's face, or precisely her eyes and eyebrows, but they were nothing like what she had stored in her memory._

_"It's a favorite." Jinsoul (Heejin thought that was a beautiful name, just like the owner) claimed. "Just give me a cue and we can start right away. Good luck." Even Jinsoul's voice sounded way too different. Heejin almost frowned._

_Nevertheless, Heejin let nothing got into her way towards her dream. Heejin might be small but through her voice alone, she could singlehandedly take over the spotlight and have every pair of eyes to follow her every move. She loved the feeling being on stage, being in control of her audience. Many times she was poked fun of, ridiculed as an empty pretty face. Many times too she proved her accusers wrong, making them lick on their own spit at the sole proof of how much talent Heejin had within her._

_Singing and performing was her joy and happiness, Heejin would trade it with nothing else._

_The way the melody played by Jinsoul tingling her senses was so natural. Heejin was grateful that instead of dragging her performance down, Jinsoul actually elevated it and helped Heejin to settle down in front of the foreign crowd._

_Heejin sing with all her heart, embracing every note that complimented her vocal like peanutbutter to jelly. When she reached the end, she felt euphoria rushing up her and it did not help when she registered part of the silent audience was now standing on their feet, giving her an ovation for her hard work. Heejin was so proud._

_Heejin came down from the stage and down from all the adrenaline, getting ready to leave when Jinsoul approached her._

_"Hey, Heejin right?" Her voice was careful, Heejin wished she could get rid of her intimidating aura._

_"Yeah, that's me." She left her bag alone and shifted her focus to Jinsoul._

_"I just uh... wanna tell that you did great just now. It was brilliant... You sure getting that spot." She laughed awkwardly, Heejin chalked it up as an attempt to lighten up the mood._

_"Couldn't do it without you." It was sincere, coming from the bottom of her heart. "So, thank you."_

_Jinsoul looked down, a sheepish smile was present on her face. "I did nothing really, it's all you. You're uh... very very very talented."_

_Heejin chuckled at the timid but cute compliment. "I assume you're a fan now?"_

_"Huh? Oh, yeah! Yeah, of course I am." The girl rubbed on her nape._

_Heejin took a moment to come up with something. "Are you a member? Of this club I mean."_

_Heejin expected Jinsoul to say yes so when she shook her head instead, Heejin was puzzled. "No, I'm just helping around."_

_"Are you serious? I mean I saw you did basically everything just now. Sing, rap, play the piano. And I bet that's not the only instrument you can play. Now you're saying you're not part of this club?" She realized it belatedly but Heejin really could not help her little outburst. That just did not make sense._

_"Yeah, I'm in for fun. You might see me snooping around sometimes." Jinsoul then gave her a bright grin._

_"I sure hope to see you around again."_

_Jinsoul coughed, letting her gaze to fall somewhere else. "S_ —  _sure."_

 

_~_

 

_Heejin made it into the club. She also made a friend in Jinsoul along the way. As much as she was not a member, Jinsoul sure spend a lot of time acting like one. Not that Heejin mind, just like the rest of the members, they actually welcomed Jinsoul anytime._

_But Heejin was curious as to why she never saw the girl outside of the performing hall, her meetings with Jinsoul were mostly limited by the confine of the soundproof walls._

_So one day, she decided to seek for answer. And Jinsoul once again, refused to provide her with anything predictable. "You really telling me you walk all the way here from the automotive buildings? Every time?"_

_"Yeah." Jinsoul shrugged like it was part of her daily routine._

_"But that's at the other end of the campus_ —  _so much ground to cover." Heejin blinked hard._

_Jinsoul just nodded. "I get to exercise before I get to surround myself with what I like. So I win."_

_"What you like?" Heejin cocked an eyebrow._

_Jinsoul cleared her throat. "Y_ —  _yeah, music I mean."_

_"Oh." Heejin laughed. "But not worth it if you're not even a member."_

_"I don't need to be one to appreciate the talents around here." Jinsoul said with a small voice._

_Heejin directed an empty gaze towards the stage occupied by a trio of boys doing God knows what. "Wow, you're amazing." She sudddenly exclaimed._

_Jinsoul glanced at her. "What are you saying?"_

_"You're gifted with everything. Have so much talents and not to mention, literally a beauty with brain." Heejin blurted out a string of compliments._

_Jinsoul was looking down at an imaginary friend on the carpeted floor the whole time. "I'm not..." Her face was red and Heejin knew for sure that the air conditioner was working just fine._

_"Yes you are, Jinsoul." A teasing chuckle escaped her. "Now, stop being cute."_

_That only caused her face to turn into a deeper shade of red._

 

_~_

 

_Heejin always dreaded the gap between classes because it meant she had to commute herself to another place and Heejin being Heejin, would choose a non-stop six hours of learning session over that. How she wished she had a say. She rarely had any companion stick around her wherever she go as she much preferred to do things alone, but sometimes it could become unpleasant too._

_"Hey, Heejin. Are you free after this?" Jisung was blocking her way out of the class._

_Heejin would have pushed him away if he was not twice her size. "I'm afraid I'm not. Can you excuse me now?"_

_She tried to make a beeline to get pass him but the guy only moved further and turned himself into a barrier. "What's with the rush?" Heejin wanted to wipe that smug smile off his face so bad._

_"Heejin! There you are! Why didn't you wait for me?" A familiar voice boomed from behind her and the sight of a small blondie only confirmed her guess. "We have plans together, remember?" Chaewon, her seatmate, burst out of nowhere and looped their arms together. A toothy smile adorned her face._

_They never interacted like how friends would after the hour was finished but Heejin caught up with her acting just fine. "Gosh, I almost forgot!" She did a facepalm for the dramatic effect._

_"Oh Jisung, how did I miss you there? Damn y'all giants. Anyway, can you let us use the door? We need to be somewhere asap." For someone so tiny, Chaewon sure had no fear instilled in her. Jisung was utterly confused and Heejin had to hold in her laughter from ruining their little sketch. "Earth to Jisung? Move please?" Chaewon snapped her fingers à la Thanos._

_The guy relented at the end, still eyeing Chaewon with so much questions. Heejin would have done the same if she was in his shoes. Chaewon pulled her out of the class and down the hallway, Heejin wonder why she was not stopping._

_"Uh... Chaewon? You can let go of me?"_

_Chaewon turned to look at her. "Hm?"_

_"I think it's fine now...?"_

_She stopped on her tracks. "You not coming?"_

_"Um... where to?"_

_"Hang out."_

_"I can do that?"_

_"If you want to."_

_Chaewon was smiling at her all the time and it was hard to not say yes._

_They did not talk much along the way except for when Chaewon mentioned to her about a friend joining them later. Heejin was reluctant but Chaewon assured her that she would not have to worry about being skinned alive or anything. That was not the most convincing counter and yet, Heejin was convinced._

_The friend was nowhere near their supposed usual table so Heejin used the chance to ease her nerve. Why making new friends always seemed like going over a very tall hurdle for her?_

_"Where this hag gone..." She heard Chaewon muttered. "Oh, there she is!"_

_Heejin followed Chaewon's line of sight and in the next instance, she froze in her seat. She blinked hard, so hard that her eyelids got sore. This person was so familiar but Heejin had no record of her in her brain._

_"I got you the usual since you took so long." Her eyes were trained on the cups on the tray, juggling it carefully before letting it rest on the table. The triumphant smile she had on her face instantly gone the moment she met Heejin's eyes. "Uh..."_

_Heejin could now confirmed that it was indeed her. The same girl who offered her a bandage with cartoon characters all over it. Heejin recognized the blonde and brown eyes._

_"I brought a friend! You don't mind, don't you?" Chaewon announced belatedly._

_"Mhm. Chae, we need to talk. Excuse us for a bit." She asked before dragging Chaewon away._

_Although she did not drag her far enough, Heejin could literally hear their exchange still._

_"What are you doing?!"_

_"What?"_

_"That's Jeon Heejin, isn't it?"_

_"Yeah, what's wrong?"_

_"I_ —  _I don't know? Because it's Jeon Heejin?!"_

_"You listen to too much rumors. She's nice, I promise."_

_"Ugh."_

_"Come on, let's say hi. And be nice."_

_The duo came back after that and Heejin made sure her expression did not give her away._

_"Heejin, meet Jungeun my best friend." Chaewon gestured at the blonde. Finally Heejin could put a name to that face. "And Jungeun, this is Heejin from my Japanese class. She helps me a lot, although I still suck at it... ha."_

_"Hi, nice to meet you Jungeun." Heejin extended her hand for a handshake._

_Hesitance was evident behind Jungeun's body language but she did envelop her slightly bigger hand around Heejin's afterwards. "Likewise."_

_Heejin could not help but giggle at the possibility for all this to happen; probably close to zero. But at the end, it did happen._

 

_~_

 

_If Heejin were to be honest, Jungeun looked intimidating the first time she saw her without anything covering her face. Although it was not so much about Jungeun's facial characteristics, but more towards her attitude and aura. Or maybe for the fact that Jungeun drive her motorbike around more than her car, despite having license for both (Heejin thought that was cool, she could not handle something as simple as bicycle). Or maybe it was combination of everything that created Kim Jungeun herself._

_Nevertheless, after their second meeting, her impression on the girl slowly changing. Jungeun was the most accurate representation of tsundere that Heejin had ever met in her entire life. Physical wise she always acted like a t_ _ough and heartless being but in reality, Jungeun was just a huge goofball who constantly fed the world with her contagious laughter and smile. Heejin took a liking in that a little too much._

_By the fourth meeting (or date as Heejin loved to call it), Jungeun already confessed about how much she prayed to never encounter Heejin again after that little accident. She also admitted to being influenced by the rumors about Heejin that went around and sincerely apologized for that horrendous behaviour. Heejin thought that description was too harsh, it was common for just anyone to be swept by such collective minded mass._

_"Honest to God, you were scary."_

_"Scary? Excuse me? You really one to talk huh."_

_"I know that's ridiculous now. But can you really blame me when the first words that I heard from you were 'don't touch me'?" Jungeun recalled. "And don't get me started with your glares. I thought you're about to commit a murder there."_

_"I was upset okay? Not at you but at myself. Although I had a good reason to actually commit the murder." She glared._

_"Hey, hey." Jungeun put her hands up in defense. "I didn't know okay?"_

_"Yeah, you didn't. But now you do."_

_"Yeah, now I do know for a fact that you actually wear a mask to look unapproachable when reality is you're actually a very gentle and sweet person who often gets clueless of her surrounding."_

_"You calling me a hypocrite?"_

_"No, sweetie. I'm calling you... charming." A smirk appeared on Jungeun's face._

_"Huh. You make a terrible flirt."_

_"Says who?"_

_"Me."_

_"But did it work?"_

_"Dunno." Heejin stucked her tongue out._

_"I assume it did." Jungeun's laugh was so endearing Heejin could not stop the smile creeping up her face._

_At the end, what mattered to Heejin was Jungeun's effort in staying true to her words. Jungeun_ _filled the gap in between her days in such a rapid pace. Jungeun was honest and sweet and Heejin was swoon._

 

_~_

 

_Heejin then learned that she could not win at everything in life. Jinsoul, a friend that she held dear to heart silently slipping away. Three times in a row that Jinsoul was nowhere to be found in the music hall and Heejin heed to the urge to text her, asking about her wellbeing. Yet, the only reply to her bubbles of messages was a simple one line._

 

 

 

 

> _From: Jinsoul_ _  
> important test coming up, im busy cant talk sorry_

_Heejin remembered the last time they met, Jinsoul had spoken up about worrying over an upcoming big test. She did not look so much like herself then, often got lost in her thoughts and avoiding making any eye contact with Heejin. It was hard to see Jinsoul like that but Heejin really had no clue on what she could and should do. She brushed it off, hoping for Jinsoul to collect herself together once she was done with the test and come see her like she used to._

_At the end, Jinsoul never did._

_That was until Heejin saw the girl by chance one day and decided that an action was needed on her end._

_"Jinsoul!"_

_That certainly caught the blonde off guard as she hesitated before turning around. "Oh, hey." A smile, looking so forced but Heejin paid no mind._

_"Long time no see." Heejin started. "How have you been?"_

_"I'm... well, I'm good." Jinsoul breathed an awkward chuckle._

_"I see..." Heejin felt cold air lingering around her. "How'd that test went?"_

_"Uh..." Her face was different, Heejin could not tell the emotion behind that. "Look, I have an assignment due tonight. I really need to rush now."_

_"Oh, I didn't know. Sorry for being in your way."_

_"It's fine. Goodbye." That was not even a proper goodbye, Jinsoul gave her no chance to respond._

_"Take a good care!" Heejin shouted but it dispersed into nothingness. "And... see you around..." She muttered to herself._

_It required no genius to tell that Jinsoul was avoiding her. Unless Jinsoul genuinely could not spend her time of the day for Heejin (that hurt a bit), then Heejin must have looked into it too much. But deep down she was certain of her initial observation. Jinsoul's body language spoke louder than words could ever do. The texts was another proof, if she was that desperate to cling onto that theory._

_Question was, what did she do wrong?_

_Heejin stayed motionless, staring at the corner where Jinsoul's tall figure disappeared into before sighing. She never realized that this mishap even exist, Heejin must had been that oblivious._

_"Hey_ —  _you." The sweet voice that Heejin had grown to love greeted her hearing out of nowhere. It was a little breathy, like she was gasping for air._

_That smile, another thing that Heejin had grown fond of. "Hey to you too." She stalled for a bit, letting her eyes to fall on every slope of Jungeun's face. "Were you running?"_

_She laughed lazily and Heejin would be lying if she said she was not swayed. "Sort of. I_ —  _I saw you and just left my car... there..." Jungeun pointed at the curb and Heejin almost laughed at the way Jungeun abandoned her car. She really was asking for a ticket._

_"You could've called instead?" Heejin tilted her head._

_"Right?" It was like the realization just hit her. "Guess I can't think straight when you're near." Jungeun laughed again._

_Heejin hated the fact that the air was nowhere close to warm to have her cheeks turned rosy. "Well, you need to figure out how to fix that then."_

_"Working on it." As much as Heejin wanted to wipe that smug look off Jungeun's face, she could not deny her heart. "What are you doing later?"_

_"Not sure. Maybe I'll just head back to my room and sleep."_

_"Boring." Jungeun made a face. "Wanna come with me? I'm hanging out with Chaewon."_

_"I just met her this morning. Do I really need to see her twice?" Heejin asked with intent._

_Jungeun suddenly turned timid. "Well..."_

_"Well?" Heejin wondered where did her confidence went to._

_"Chaewon got to meet you during class but not me..." She rubbed on her nape before staring down at her sneakers._

_"Don't think I understand what you're getting at." Heejin fought off a smile._

_"Fine, that's an excuse for me to spend time with you." Jungeun ruffled on her own golden locks._

_Heejin laughed. "So cute. Isn't that easier?"_

_"Shh."_

 

_#_

 

_It was the same cafe where Heejin found Jungeun again. The setting was the same, the environment was the same, basically everything was the same. Everything resembled what Heejin had stored in her memory except for one thing._

_This time instead of two blondies, they were three of them in her vicinity. One was Jungeun, who so readily guided her to their table. Second was Chaewon, who beamed upon seeing her face._

_And the third one almost cost her a mini heart attack. The 'Soul' that Jungeun and Chaewon always mentioned in the passing, she really failed to connect the dots._ _The surprise was not exclusive to Heejin, she could see Jinsoul mirroring it clearly._

_"Look who's here! You're still alive." Jungeun had greeted the girl. "Where have you been all this while?"_

_"Typical Soul, cramping for that test." Chaewon piped in instead, rolling her eyes while she was at it. "You didn't tell me Heejin was coming."_

_"Oh, I just bumped into her on my way here." Jungeun was playing it cool. "You haven't met Soul right?" Her attention was on Heejin now. "Or... have you...? Soul always visit the Performing Arts club that you're in so I assume... acquaintance?"_

_Heejin took too long to formulate an answer. "Uh... yeah I guess. She rarely come these days." That was not far from the truth. Heejin should not feel guilty of this, Jinsoul owe her the truth. Although that seemed like asking for too much, she just caught the girl lying to her._

_Jungeun nodded. "Just to make it official. Heejin, this is my on and off best friend Jinsoul. And Soul, this is..." The way Jungeun's eyes were twinkling while stealing a glance at her caused her heart to skip a beat. "... Jeon Heejin."_

_"Soul?" Chaewon nudged on the now frozen girl._

_Jinsoul almost glared at her and Heejin forced herself to believe it was not intentional. "Nice to meet you_ — _Jeon_ _Heejin."_

_Jinsoul's hand was so cold against her skin._

_The Jinsoul she once knew was unmatched by the summer breeze; far warmer and soothing._

_This Jinsoul was bitter and suffocating._

 

_~_

 

_"Why are you staring at me like that?" Jungeun dropped her pen and the noise pulled Heejin back to the ground._

_"Huh? Like what?" Heejin furrowed her eyebrows._

_"Like... I'm a whole snack." Jungeun smirked playfully._

_"Wha_ —  _No, I'm not." She shifted her gaze. "That's just how I look at people in general." A sip to quench her thirst._

_"Mhm, alright."_

_She thought Jungeun had let it go but the more she tried to ignore it, the more she could not shrug off Jungeun's intense stare. "Now why are you staring at me like that?"_

_"Silly." Jungeun chuckled lowly. "You got cream..." She reached over before pressing her thumb at the corner of Heejin's lips. "... here." The older wiped it away gently._

_As if that action was not enough to make butterflies filled up her stomach, Jungeun just had to lick the excess off her finger without much thought. "You_ — _"_

_"Hm?" Jungeun peeled her eyes away from the notes she was reading. "Oh, Soul? How long have you been standing there? Come sit with us."_

_Heejin could feel the hair on her nape standing still after hearing that name. She almost forgot that Jinsoul was coming to collect something from Jungeun._

_"It's fine. I need to be somewhere." Jinsoul reasoned out, her silhouette appearing right next to Heejin. "Didn't know you have company." She added, almost mumbling._

_"Yeah, I'm with Heejin. I thought you said you're free after this?" Jungeun looked up at her best friend._

_"I... it's last minute notice. Where's my journal?" Jinsoul asked in a hasty tone._

_"Oh, right. Wait a sec." Jungeun grabbed her backpack and began to rummage through the content. "So many... things... in here..."_

_Heejin felt an invisible force pressing down her shoulders, it made her lungs tightened. "Hi, Soul." She gathered whatever little courage she had to greet the person she used to treasure as a friend._

_Jinsoul stared at her with an unreadable expression. "Hi." And Heejin's lungs collapsed at that, Jinsoul's tone was so hostile and empty._

_"Here you go." Jungeun handed out the journal to Jinsoul who spared no time to grab it into her hold. "You sure you don't wanna hang around for a bit?"_

_"No..." Jinsoul glanced at Heejin while Jungeun was not looking. "Thirdwheeling sucks." She laughed but Heejin knew it was not a genuine one. "You two have fun. See you around, Jungeun." She bid her goodbye and just like that Jinsoul was gone again._

_"That's weird..." Jungeun blinked rapidly._

_"What is... weird?" Heejin asked for confirmation._

_"I don't know... Jinsoul have been acting so distant lately. Earlier she said okay when I asked to hangout and..." She chuckled. "I'm actually not sold on her 'last minute notice' excuse. It's almost like_ —  _she been avoiding me? Or something?" Jungeun shrugged._

_Heejin nodded absentmindedly, so Jungeun was aware of that. "Do you think it's... me?"_

_"You what?"_

_"I mean any chance it's because of me? I don't think she likes me that much." Heejin tried to approach the topic carefully, she had a feeling Jinsoul would appreciate it better if she stayed silent about whatever they used to have before. Although appreciate was too big of a word for her to apply in this case._

_Jungeun almost knitted her eyebrows together. "Why would she..."_

_"Just a hunch." She smiled to cover her true feelings._

_Jungeun leaned over closer to her, dropping her warm palm onto Heejin's wrist gently. "No way she hates you. Jinsoul is just not in her best condition, she has a lot on her plate right now. The other day, she kinda flunk her test and I think that puts a lot of pressure on her."_

_"She flunk that test?" Heejin could not hide her surprise._

_The older girl was probably confused by her reaction but even if she did, she did not voice it out. "Yeah... Jinsoul is very strict when it comes to her achievement. I talked to Chaewon about it. We speculate it has something to do with that crush of hers."_

_Heejin never thought she would learn more about Jinsoul through Jungeun in such a way, she almost felt guilty. "What crush?"_

_Jungeun's hand was still on her and it acted like an anchor to Heejin. "Not sure myself, she never openly discussed about that. But I believe it's someone from the Performing Arts club." Horror starting to ghost around Heejin. "She been visiting that club more than ever since the semester started. I mean_ —  _wait_...  _you're part of it, isn't it?"_

_Jungeun kept a steady stare straight through her eyes, she avoided it and rest her gaze on Jungeun's hand. "Yeah, I am..."_

_The grip on her wrist suddenly tightened, Jungeun appeared to be excited. "Then maybe you know who she's friendly or close with?"_

_Heejin was struggling to process her own thoughts, everything was starting to click in her and it was overbearing. She never considered this as one of the possibilities. Jinsoul was nice and sweet, often times helpful and selfless. Heejin always picked her deeds as gestures that symbolized their friendship. Never once she thought they would carry such a massive meaning, a meaning that eventually destroyed their budding friendship. Devastated was an understatement for her to express what she was feeling._

_"Heejin?" Jungeun rubbed on her wrist softly. "You okay?"_

_"Y_ —   _yeah. Uh... I don't know."_

_"You don't know what?"_

_"Who she's close with. Jinsoul is pretty nice to everyone."_

_"Ah, it's fine." A nod. "Anyway back on topic, believe me Jinsoul will come around. Once she does, I'm sure you two will become best buddies." Jungeun gave her a reassuring smile._

_Heejin let herself got hypnotized by that smile. "Mhm."_

_And she believed everything that Jungeun told her._

 

_~_

 

_Heejin never realized how much she underestimated the severity of her misunderstanding with Jinsoul. She waited, but the wait was not worth it._

_"Why didn't you tell me back then?"_

_"What difference would've it made?"_

_"It'd make a whole lot of difference, Jinsoul!"_

_"Are you suggesting you'd gladly accept me?"_

_".........."_

_"See? It's of no use."_

_"It doesn't have to be like this, Jinsoul..."_

_"It has to be like this."_

_"... can I have my friend back, please?"_

_"That's the problem with this, Jeon Heejin!"_

_"What is?!"_

_"I can't go back to being 'a friend'. In fact, I don't think I can be around you at all."_

_"Jinsoul..."_

_"I have so much to go after, you're getting in the way."_

_"I'm sorry it turned out to be like that..."_

_"You like her, don't you?"_

_"What...?"_

_"Jungeun."_

_".........."_

_"Out of so many people in this world."_

_"Do you think I can control what my heart wants?"_

_"... likewise. I can't control my own heart too."_

_"Jinsoul, please..."_

_"I'm done here. Go to her, Jeon."_

_"Jinsoul..."_

_"Just promise me one thing."_

_"... promise what?"_

_"Don't you ever hurt Jungeun. That won't make this any better."_

_"... I..."_

_"Be happy, Jeon."_

 

_~_

 

_Jungeun was reckless, very much reckless. Heejin learned that fact from little anecdotes she collected after spending most of her time with Jungeun. Jungeun had a knack to do just whatever she wished to do; disobeying orders, speaking up her mind, breaking traffic limits or bending the rules, Jungeun was all about that life. Heejin absolutely adore that but it terrify her all the same too._

_"Ouch." Jungeun grimaced when Heejin accidentally put too much pressure on the fresh cut._

_"You got blood..." Heejin only dabbed on the spot harder. "... here."_

_"Ow! Do you hate me that much?" Jungeun backed away._

_"No." Heejin gave her a stern expression before pulling the older back to her position._

_Jungeun frowned. "I must look ugly right now..."_

_"You're not ugly." She cocked an eyebrow. "But whose at fault for all this?_

_"That Jisung guy!" Jungeun answered in pure rage._

_Heejin sighed. "You didn't have to do that you know? We could've just walk away and let him converse with the wall."_

_"He's being disrespectful towards you! How can I let him get away with that!" The way Jungeun's face twitching at every corner was unexpectedly endearing._

_That event from earlier still gave her shiver. Heejin managed to grab the spot as the lead singer for an upcoming musical and Jisung, for whatever reason that Heejin could not bring herself to bother, happened to be there to congratulate her. As weird as it was, Heejin did not want to completely brush it off as there was possibility for it to be a genuine nice gesture. But turned out the guy was still on the mission to get Heejin to say yes and go out with him. Heejin's rejection riled him up and he began to spout insults left and right. She could have flee and pretend it never happened but Jungeun just had to show up and they eventually got into a big fight. Jisung was known to be physical and that was exactly how it went down. The image of Jisung going for a full swing right on Jungeun's face was so horrifying Heejin legitimately closed her eyes the moment his knuckle met Jungeun's soft skin._

_"But_ _you end up hurting yourself." Heejin pouted. "And got into trouble."_

_"I don't care." Jungeun grumbled. "I'd take anything that comes my way as long as nothing could hurt my girl."_

_Heejin's hand froze just above Jungeun's left eyebrow, where an unwanted bruise was settling, and her eyes flickered to meet Jungeun's warm caramel. "... what did you say?"_

_"I don't care." Jungeun answered firmly._

_Heejin shook her head. "No, after that."_

_Jungeun furrowed her eyebrows. "... I'd take anything?"_

_Heejin retreated her hand, swallowing hard down her dried throat. "... never mind." She probably misheard that._

_Against her better judgment, Jungeun put a finger down her chin, giving a slight push to level their eyes again. The older then smiled before chuckling like she had just cracked a joke to herself. "Heejin, I know this isn't the most romantic setting but honestly?" She drew in a shaky breath. "Fuck it."_

_"Huh?" Heejin was confused by that._

_"Listen, I think you know already since I literally put no effort to hide it. But Heejin, I... I like you. I like you a lot." Heejin felt her lungs suddenly running out of air, her heart almost exploding and her body trembling like mad. Gone was the nervy Jungeun, a calm but hopeful version of that same girl was taking over the wheel. "So, I'm gonna have to ask you this. Shit, I look hideous right now, goodness me." She groaned. "Still have to ask... do you wanna be my girlfriend? Go out with me?"_

_"Kim Jungeun, you are required in the principal's office now." The advisor who caught both Jungeun and Jisung in the midst of that brawl summoned her out of nowhere._

_Jungeun dropped her head in defeat. "About time..." She then sent a look towards Heejin, eyes speaking of something that Heejin could not quite comprehend but made her daze still. "We'll talk again after I'm finished with this. That, if I survive this." She laughed._

_"Kim Jungeun, stop stalling."_

_"Yes, sir." Jungeun rolled her eyes before leaving her seat and leaving Heejin with no warmth to comfort her._

_Everything was spinning around her, Heejin felt lightweight, like she was going to ascend and regret it if she failed to make up her mind in that instance. She stared at Jungeun's distancing back, even from afar, Jungeun was nothing but someone that filled up her entire being. Heejin was in to deep and she never wanted to lose this. "Yes." She found her voice and answer._

_Jungeun stopped to turn around and look at her again. "Sorry?"_

_"Yes, I want to go out with you." Her smiling lips quivered._

_That exact moment was magical, as Jungeun's face lightened up and for the first time in forever, Heejin saw a smile so angelic it took her breath away. "I guess I'll have to survive this then."_

Heejin was stuck in a loop named Kim Jungeun since then. No amount of both willed or forced effort could erase Jungeun from her heart and her mind. Even when Jungeun walked away over hazy reasons that Heejin have yet to understand, her love stayed. Even when the old Jungeun left and was replaced by a very scarred character, her memory remained.

On the other hand, Jinsoul was a lost cause to her. Their relationship never recovered and at one point, Heejin concluded that Jinsoul had mistook hating on her as a personality trait. Although most of the times, Jinsoul's back handed comments and way of talking to her was more childish than demeaning, Heejin still hoped it was just a nightmare that she soon going to wake up from.

She ran her fingers on the 'JH' initial carved on her old guitar. Many guessed it as a placeholder to her full name but the true meaning was available only to her and Jungeun. Throwing this guitar away would only mean throwing Jungeun away.

And Heejin never considered that as an option.

 

 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

 

#  _"[I am an instinctive impulse.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGxLAh-1xTY)"_

 

 

Jungeun set her sight out of the massive window, wishing that she could just escape and abandon everything behind. But as Jinsoul had said before, someone need to stay responsible. She was fully aware of that jab, knew of Jinsoul's intent to snap her back to reality. She took no offense from that, none at the slightest. She realized just how much she could not deny Jinsoul.

Jungeun have yet to talk to the latter outside of work. Even here in the office, their topic was restricted to professional matters. Jinsoul had put on a mask and successfully kept her emotions at bay. Jungeun wanted to soothe the tension, but the sane part in her told her that it was too early to approach a freshly open wound.

Jinsoul and her had gone long way back, disagreements and disputes made up part of their relationship. This should not be any different. Although Jungeun could not invalidate the depth of this problem. But it was not beyond saving, wasn't it?

"Hey, there." Jungeun put the cellphone next to her ear. It was brand new, one that she doubted she needed but the person at the other end sealed the deal.

 _"Hey, you still at work?"_ The voice greeted her with a tinge of sweetness. Jungeun did not realize of the little smile that she had on her own face the moment it reached her hearing.

"Yeah... I guess I left for too long. I'm drowning under all these files and papers." She sighed audibly, her free hand went up to massage the space between her eyebrows.

 _"I can't believe your boss won't give you more time to rest. You haven't fully recover."_ Haseul complained wholeheartedly.

Jungeun cleared her throat at that, guilt starting to build up in her. She owe Haseul a list of truths and this was one of them. "It's fine. It's not like I'm dying."

 _"I still wish you get more rest, Jungeun. You spent your rest days to stay with me. I feel_ — _"_

"Hey, I wanted to okay? Don't worry about it." Jungeun cut her ramblings, at this point she knew just how far Haseul could go. "Or do you have any regret about me staying with you?"

Haseul gasped.  _"No, not at all! I mean... I know it's not right to say this with everything that's going on currently but... I enjoy your company so much."_

Jungeun had to pull the device the away. It was silly really, Haseul had no visual of her right now but Jungeun still wanted to go into hiding and vanish overnight. "I..." She coughed as she let the speaker to touch her ear again. "I'm glad. I wish I was there right now." Her voice dropped a few octaves.

The line went silent and for a moment Jungeun thought she was disconnected.  _"So do I..._ _"_ But the way Haseul whispered that like it was a precious secret exclusive to them made Jungeun closed her eyes from how ridiculously warm she felt.

It was soothing yet scary to her. The last time she ever experienced anything remotely close, it was towards her first love Jeon Heejin. Even the memory of that had turned into a pile of dust. Delving into this again was like daring herself to take a leap of faith; she rather not but she was so tempted.

"I'll drop by once I'm finished." Jungeun reassured the girl (and maybe herself too).

 _"You don't have to! Go home and rest, Jungeun."_ Somehow Jungeun could picture a frown forming on Haseul's forehead.

"But I want to see Yeojin..."

 _"Oh, are you really now? Or are you using her as an excuse?"_  Her tone suddenly turned into a teasing one.

"Y— yeah, I swear. She's still burning yesterday." Jungeun scrambled for words to make it sound convincing.  _Wait, she was convinced of that though?_

 _"Hm... I thought you'd at least sugarcoat it and say you want to see me."_ This time she was 100% sure that Haseul was frowning.

"That... too..." Jungeun facepalmed herself, how did she managed to become such a mess everytime she made any sort of interaction with Haseul? This was so unfair.

Haseul's giggles filled her eardrum next.  _"You're cute._ _"_

Haseul really would not spare her a moment to breathe in peace. "Thanks, I guess?"

 _"My pleasure."_  Haseul was smiling, Jungeun could tell that much.

A series of knock on her door caused Jungeun's little bubble to burst and she glanced just enough to check if she heard that correctly. A few seconds gone and the same noise was produced again, this time sounding more rushed, and Jungeun sighed to herself.

"I have to go now." She announced quietly. "I'll text you later."

_"Oh, alright. Take care."_

Haseul was testing her, Jungeun wished she had not. "Will do."

Jungeun ended the call with a heavy heart before turning towards her desk and found her composure again. "Come in." She commanded, letting her eyes glued on the white sheets spreading all over the table.

She heard the door creaked but no voice came afterwards. Looking up, she saw a very antsy Jinsoul behind the half opened door. "You might wanna come and see this."

"What?" Jungeun stared at the older with a quirked eyebrow. Whatever 'this' was, Jungeun already disliking it.

"Just— come."

 

#

 

Jungeun descended the flight of stairs, feeling a very stiff atmosphere blanketing the space. She marched right behind Jinsoul while registering her employees giving timid glances at her direction. Very subtle but she could see them still.

"Alright, guys. Y'all can go back to work. Nothing to see here." Jinsoul ordered with the most strict tone she could muster and off the workers back to their duties.

Jungeun then saw Jongin, the head of foremans, talking to a person who appeared oddly familiar to her. It was not looking good, it almost like they were arguing over something. "What's that about?"

"I don't know. You tell me, Jungeun." Jinsoul had her arms crossed over her chest, her face was a mix of upset and worry.

"Tell you what?" Jungeun retorted, still very much confused by the sudden situation.

"What have you gotten yourself into?" The way Jinsoul answered her with another question only managed to annoy her and Jungeun had to draw in a deep breath.

"Just—" She looked away. "I'm gonna see it myself."

Jungeun walked past Jinsoul, the air was cold and tense and Jungeun already felt suffocated. She closed in to Jongin and her panic button was triggered.

"Oh, there you are! I've been looking for you!" The taller figure opened her arms wide, as if inviting Jungeun into a trap. "I'm starting to think that your boys were tryna hide you."

"Miss Kim, I've been trying to get them off the property but they won't oblige." Jongin bowed a bit while providing her with a little insight.

"It's okay, I can take over from here." She swallowed a lump down her throat. "You can back to work."

"Are you sure, Miss—"

"Yes, now go." With that, Jongin lowered his head at her direction again before leaving the scene.

Jungeun waited a bit to make sure that none of her workers were slacking to watch this unnecessary load of a show. Save for Jinsoul who stayed at least five feet away behind her and two bulky guys that she assumed were part of this unwanted guesting, it was only her and Sooyoung. Yes, Sooyoung, she remembered her fine and clear despite their encounters being so brief.

"What do you want?" Jungeun asked as calm as possible, the last thing she wanted to do was to cause a ruckus in her workshop.

"No need to be so hostile this early, huh?" Sooyoung smirked, her tone was provoking for a reaction from Jungeun but she remained stoic. "I just wanna pay you a visit, Kim. Jung. Eun." She whispered playfully before letting out a chuckle that had no merry in it.

Jungeun would be lying if she said that did not lead to the hair on her arms to get spooked. "Who are you? How did you know my name?" She gritted her teeth, fingers slowly balling into fists. "How did you find this place?"

Sooyoung laughed again, looking all smug and Jungeun was further cornered out of her comfort zone. "You really be asking all that?" She stood closer to Jungeun, towering over her and left Jungeun to deal with her shadow. "Hmm how do I tell you this? No need to know who I am but let's just say... I got eyes everywhere."

"Jungeun? Is everything okay?" She heard Jinsoul asking with genuine concern and for a period of time, she had forgotten that she was still there.

"Yes, I got this." Jungeun convinced her best friend of something that she was not sure herself.

"Who that? Your other girlfriend? She pretty." Sooyoung snickered.

Jungeun did not appreciate that attention one bit. "Just go straight to the point or I'll have to ask you to leave this premise right away." 

"Aw, you must be fun at parties." Sooyoung made a face. "Let's make this more enjoyable shall we?" Her laugh was starting to throw Jungeun off. "Why don't you take a guess?"

Jungeun stared at her like she had offended her entire existence but she complied to her request still. "I don't recall any relation between you and me. No nothing."

"Except for one thing." Sooyoung dropped her smiling face and now Jungeun confronted the same Sooyoung from that night; all annoyed and grumpy. "Or one person." Her voice dark. "Jo Haseul."

Jungeun was not dense, she knew that was coming. "What about Haseul?"

"What you've got to do with her?" Sooyoung probed.

Jungeun eyed the girl momentarily. "That's none of your business."

Surprise was smeared all over her face but Sooyoung was quick to shoo it away. "Hahaha, you a funny one. Is that why Haseul waste her time with you?" She clicked on her tongue. "Imma let you in on this one, Haseul's business  _is_  my business. You got business with her means you got business with me."

"That doesn't make any sense." Jungeun replied with a low voice.

"Which part of that doesn't click for you? Haseul is  _mine_." Sooyoung almost growled.

She could stand with whatever nonsense that Sooyoung brought to the table but _that_. That enraged her. "I believe Haseul is a person of her own. Nobody owns her."

"Stubborn one, ain't you?" Sooyoung snapped the joint on her neck. "But are you sure you know Haseul that well? Or... do you know her _at all_?"

Jungeun gulped thickly, her anxiety was starting to kick in. "Wha—"

"Haseul... does Haseul know who you really are?" She did not let Jungeun to interrupt her. "All of this?" Sooyoung gestured at the building before pointing at Jungeun from head to toe. "Does she know?"

Jungeun forced her lungs to regulate her breathing. "Stop talking in riddles and maybe I'll understand you for once."

"You don't wanna know who Haseul really is." The girl with dark hair was still on her taunting agenda.

"Why don't you tell me?" Jungeun braced herself to meet Sooyoung's eyes. "On second thought, I rather not hear anymore bullshit coming from you."

Sooyoung was unexpectedly calm, as if she had this calculated beforehand. "Aye, you gonna thank me later."

Jungeun narrowed her eyes. "I don't care. Now, you're more than welcome to leave."

"About to. But before I do that, I got one more thing to tell you." She leaned in closer this time, stopping just right next to Jungeun's right ear. "Stay away from Haseul."

"And if I didn't?" Jungeun challenged despite knowing how dangerous she was playing this game.

"That's bad. You don't take what belongs to others." She pulled a face.

"I don't take orders from third party." The more Sooyoung talked about Haseul like she was some kind of object, the more Jungeun felt like throwing hands. But she was wiser than that. "Now, leave."

Sooyoung raised her arms in defeat. "Keep that in mind, Jungeun." She backed away slowly. "Or you'll have to pay for it."

Jungeun never doubted Haseul, not even for a split second. But if Sooyoung had planned to plant any sort of idea in her, it had slowly gotten into effect.

 

**TBC.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twt: @lipseulite  
> cc: kimipseul

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos and subscriptions are very much appreciated!


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